Breakfast for Dinner

Love you more

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Love you more
Yes, I love both my boys equally.  Yes, I appreciate their uniqueness, the different way they process information and the different way the express themselves emotionally.  Yes, I recognize that their ages are reflective of their current attitudes towards authority. I get all that but right now, my younger boy, Tasman is in that sweet spot. He is almost seven, obedient (even if that's the right word, it still sounds like a treat him like a dog) and a non stop ball of sunshine who can't stop smiling or laughing or dancing or just appreciate everything he has right now.... More »

Riding it out

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Riding it out
My wife and are in one of those cycles where we barely see each other. It is like I am always just  waking up and she is always just coming to bed. We are tagging off like behemoth wrestlers, ready to get in the ring with our two boys and their very real needs and desires.  I often wonder how that affects them in these formative years, to live with two parents full time, but often suffering from elongated spells of being taken care of by only one?There is no blame here, it's not like I am doing all the... More »

Blubber

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Blubber
A year ago I was put under the knife (again) to have my lap band adjusted due to slippage.  For those who are not familiar with gastric band surgery, I basically have an adjustable elastic band tied around the top of my stomach to fake my body into thinking it is full. Not really faking it because overeating is basically impossible when the band is tight and the results of overeating are exactly what you could logically expect, so no need for the gory details. Once my band was put back into place, I was supposed to wait for a... More »

Had me a blast

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Had me a blast
While winter in Toronto seems agonizingly long, every time I blink I find the spring months passing by and the summer quickly approaching. Summer planning for our boys is trying to find the balance between organized activities, the peppering of do nothing weeks, where they can ride bikes, catch bugs and stay in the pj's all day and finally a couple of weeks of organized family vacation.  Well I just got off the phone with a camp in Collingwood, bartering my pancreas so both boys could spend a week splashing around in a pool all day. Thus completing our eight... More »

Family matters

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Family matters
We had a great weekend, so busy but by far the best part was the opportunity to spend the majority of the weekend with my extended family at our cottage.  14 people and five dogs made for a lot of laughs, lots of great food and the appropriate amount of accompanying wine and beer (and maybe a scotch or two).Growing up I had various places to go on weekends throughout my childhood, but they were sporadic and felt that way. For the past 7 years, our boys have the luxury to scoot up north and play in the water and... More »

Don't ask, tell

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Don't ask, tell
My role as a professional communicator obviously comes into play in my personal life.  My wife hates it when I try to think strategically about how we are going to address a conversation with our children or even worse, when I try to influence the way she is trying to frame a discussion or argument with me. I don't blame her, I am a general jackass and when I revert to a monotone, placating doofus, nodding my head and waiting for her to finish so I can refute in well-defined key message style bullet points, I would want to hit... More »

Freedom, glorious freedom!

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Freedom, glorious freedom!
Early on in my parenting career, when I was filled with hope and promise and not covered in jam, I promised myself that I would not forget what it was like to be a kid so I could relate better to my kids. I figured it would more come into play in the teenage years where the clandestine becomes more important, that I would pop out from behind the bushes as my son(s) passed the mason jar full of jungle juice around. Or lie waiting in their bed next to the decoy formed pillows as they snuck back home in... More »

No comparison

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No comparison
Tasman scored his first soccer goal last night.  It was purposeful gain of the ball, cutting to the centre of the field in front of the goal and blasting a left footer in the top corner.  The keeper never had a chance. He bounded toward me like he just scored the game winner in the World Cup Final.  No mad, tear your shirt off, histrionics, but just genuine, earnest glee for gaining the glory of his teammates and me, his embarrassingly effusive coach/father.So why, after the immediate pride and happiness for Tasman dipped, did I start think about Hudson would... More »

What's going on?

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What's going on?
I am not looking forward to tonight.An email from Hudson's teacher flashed across my screen yesterday, letting me (us) know that he is at the end of his rope trying to get Hudson to focus and not fool around in class.  He said this has been going on for about six weeks and even with threats of office discipline he will not settle down.  He also said that his work has been suffering alongside these recent classroom distractions.  So what do we do?  Is it all out discipline and ranting and taking away the things that are important to him? ... More »

Weekend at home

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Weekend at home
Spring finally arrived in Toronto this past weekend and without anything truly burdensome on the agenda, we stuck close to home to get a few things done in anticipation of ongoing sunny weather.First was a Friday night at the boy's school volunteering and playing at Community Night, a once a year fundraiser for the school and various charities.  It's a really fun event where kids can go from room to room playing in various games and activities for a nominal fee.  The highlight is the pie throwing at the teacher event that acts as a conclusion to the night.  All... More »

Fabman

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Fabman
I have never had qualms or concerns about any gender biased toys my boys would play with growing up.  Want to play with dolls?  Go right ahead. Wear a dress?  Knock your garters and socks off. Stereotypical gender roles within our household do not exist.  I do most of the cooking, Steph does the laundry, I iron, she picks up Alice's offerings in the backyard (how this became her job, I will never know), I do all the grocery shopping, she can make a bed and set a table like a pro and of course we both sit down to... More »

Stinging barbs

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Stinging barbs
Kids can say some pretty hurtful things sometimes.  It is usually in a moment of anger or tired or hungry or crashing from the thirteen orange pops they snuck, but no matter what excuse you afford them, the root of the comment still makes you take pause.  Couple of weeks ago, my eldest said in a moment of anger "Dad, you never follow through on anything."  Zing.  I looked at him and asked for some specific examples and he couldn't immediately provide one, mostly because he was flustered.  But I started thinking about the zip line I promised last summer... More »

Celebrity hall pass list

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Celebrity hall pass list
Nothing like a little celebrity fodder to kick of a sunny Monday, so without further ado, here is my top five celebrity hall pass list (celebrities I can spend some quality time with without marital repercussion, including judgment or envy). 1. Jennifer Connelly (15 year reigning champion)I am not sure if it was the innocence of Career Opportunities or when she made the leap into more serious adult roles like Inventing the Abbots or Dark City or the very adult role in Requiem for a Dream, but I have always found her remarkably attractive even with her very robust eyebrows.  She... More »

Sans kids

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Sans kids
My wife and I are very lucky to have a large social circle. Sure we complain about the many obligations flung our way, which, combined with family commitments, make for a pretty crowded calendar.  But all in all, we love our friends so much (sometimes more than our family - sorry mom) that it is seen less as an obligation, more like something we can't wait to satisfy.Obviously, one of the commonalities we have with our friends - besides love of cocktails and food - is having and raising kids.  The age of kid breakdown is quite different between our... More »

The weather up here is fine

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The weather up here is fine
13 years old, six foot three, 204lbs.  Those were my stats when I entered grade nine and tried out for the high school football team. The coach quickly named me Baby Huey, which, if you didn't know, is an old Paramount cartoon star about the adventures of a giant duck with diapers. The name stuck for a couple of years until a new nickname erupted, Ogre, which is what all the high school ladies are looking for, the guy who can shotgun a beer and Big Mac at the same time.  Now I am just 'Big Guy', the generic moniker... More »

Breaking Boughs

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Breaking Boughs
Quality sleep remains the ever elusive animal. Even with a remarkably comfortable new bed and a better diet and occasional over the counter drugs, I find myself lying awake in the middle of the night. I can feel the anxiety escalate as I stare at the digital clock, its amber digits mocking me as they sliently climb. Until the inevitable hurumph where I give up and trudge downstairs to watch looping sports highlights until it's too late to go back to sleep as I must attack the responsibilities of the day, whether weekday or weekend. But I am not complaining. ... More »

Sup?

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Sup?
Waiting for a bus in the cold or toast to pop when hungry takes forever. Kids growing up?  Not so much.  In one holiday weekend my bashful oblivious son went from ew girls to hey baby lets chat on instragram messenger. Ok, he would never talk like Robert Goulet, but you get my point.  I thought I was safe until grade six started in September. I figured he would finish off this year with his gaggle of boys, footballs and ripsticks in tow and disappear into the summer, where the focus is more on family than friends.  But I was... More »

Spring cleaning

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Spring cleaning
As you may or may not have noticed, I took some time off from my blogging duties here at UrbanMoms.  No, no I was not off on a whirlwind book tour promoting my yet to be published novel, nor was I on the amateur Chippendale circuit, hitting suburban dinner theatres across Canada.  Actually, due some serious stuff going on in our lives that is a bit too serious to be discussed here, I needed a bit of a break to reassess and find my voice again without letting the ominous and pertinence hover (appropriately, it's that serious) and cloud my... More »

It's just an expression

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It's just an expression
Heart to hearts with your kids can be really special moments. There is nothing like helping iron out a specific imbroglio in that 10 to 500 seconds where screens or younger brothers are not screeching in the background. I can tell it is appreciated -  even through a haze of blushed expression  - when my eldest and I capture and address a conundrum or question befuddling his 10-year old brain. As mentioned in my previous post, I am not a perfect parent. I am not sure what I say resonates and I am pretty sure what I do is aped,... More »

Lazy parenting

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Lazy parenting
Parenting is challenging at the best of times, knowing if the decisions you are making are pointing your children in the right direction is chock full of pressure. I hope I am doing an ok job, but I also know I can be wishy washy at times, letting sympathy cloud my follow through on discipline or enforcing household guidelines.  In every parenting publication or anecdotal expertise I have read or heard, it always mentions the importance of remaining consistent, that children need boundaries to help them cement their own decision making foundation. So my getting hufffy at Hudson for ignoring... More »

South for mother

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South for mother
It could have been more elaborate.  We could have tied bows around our waists and arrived at her self thrown 70th birthday cocktail party.  But we didn't.  We giggled outside her condo door as we waited for our stepfather to explain his three hour absence to my mother, to fib and say he was at the driving range when he was really waiting for my sister and me at the airport.  Three knocks on the door later and the three of us were jumping up and down in ridiculous glee, basking in the success in the grand ruse of my... More »

V-day

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V-day
"You can switch on the television if you like," offered the tiny nurse. "That's ok, I have a book," I replied, waving my e-reader in the air. The floor was covered in dollops of water, melted snow I brought with me to my vasectomy appointment. Oh well, I thought, it will dry up.When I woke up on Friday and noticed winter had returned to Toronto in full force, my immediate thought was if my scheduled scrotal surgery was still in the books. I thought maybe this much snow would allow the world renowned urologist to use this as an excuse... More »

Sloping memories

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Sloping memories
So it's two days until my vasectomy.  Nervous?  Not really. Although all indicators are showing there is no way I am going to able to milk this for longer than a couple of hours.  This is too bad because I was totally willing to endure some testicle pain for a bowl of soup and some isolated television time.  I am a simple man.  A simple man with a ready frozen bag of peas.  February can be such a blah month, especially when you schedule scrotum surgery in the first week. But things are looking up.  We have booked our first... More »

Moans from an optimist

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Moans from an optimist
I am an eternal optimist.  Not in the life coachy, post every positive energy mantra into my Facebook status kind of way.  Just always believe that if you keep the sinister cynical dogs at bay and look for the quality in people, without being naĂŻve or just a plain goofy idiot, good things will happen and happen for a reason.  I also am pragmatic enough to know that optimism is not a magical elixir that turns dreams to reality and because there are some truly awful and evil people in this world, remaining a wee bit wary is wise.   I... More »

Palm sisters

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Palm sisters
Steph and I often find ourselves sitting on the couch, bathing in a brief respite from the frenzy, reflecting on our week or planning for the remainder of it. At some point in the conversation, we usually mention the speed of life, spurred on by some benchmark in one of our son's lives: A disappearing lisp, not-fading-fast -enough nervous ticks, outgrown shoes and now, of course, hair that is appearing where hair did not appear before.  These puberty acknowledgements of our son lead to the discussion of our own first time benchmarks: First crushes, first kisses, first signs of short... More »

It's 4 U 2

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It's 4 U 2
What is the appropriate cell phone age?It was a hot topic when I crowd sourced on Facebook the question what was the appropriate age to get a cell phone for my eldest son.  Lots of valuable comparative notes from both parents who have presented the gift of text to their various aged kids and the parents that have children that are nowhere near the prospective cell phone years.  Although some admitted that age is closer than they originally thought.Here is where I stand.  I don't like the idea of Hudson with a cell phone.  Deep down I don't like the... More »

Snaps

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Snaps
Harried lives, accelerated time, breathless races to the car, sloth-like getting ready to go outside, the drooling need for a glass of wine or a pint of beer just to feel like an sublime adult again.  Oh the general laments of many of parent!  But nothing makes me pause and reflect on how much I love my life like the side of my fridge. It has everything.  Sports shots and schedules, friend shots, poser shots, bad great art, a reminder of how much fun our wedding was, a drunken photo booth shot, random mailed magnets, apple day badges and lazy attempt... More »

Just might be that time...

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Just might be that time...
As mentioned often (almost to the point of nausea), I love my two boys. I also feel content with having two boys. Sure I long for the wee little girl and the unique relationship that only a father and daughter can share. But I have two fantastic nieces, so sweet and with one a teenager and one a couple years younger than Hudson, I feel a paternal type connection with them both, with the luxury of their differing ages. I also have a close friend who has two girls, around the same ages of Hud and Tasman, who I see... More »

Blessed

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Blessed
I know I take it for granted how lucky we are. How blessed we are to have two healthy boys murkily wading about our lives. I barely even think about their health to be perfectly honest.  I mean that it in the high level sense, as I am still very much concerned about their level of activity and what foods they are currently jamming down their throats.  Thankfully we are highly influential about both of those actions.  But it's the other health-related issues that I try not to think about. The devastating afflictions and diseases that other parents and families... More »

Welcome weekend

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Welcome weekend
Sometimes it just happens. For whatever reason, whatever last minute detail falls through, whatever window of opportunity suddenly opens, finding yourself on Monday after a spectacular weekend is a great feeling.  Now the adjective spectacular to describe a weekend is obviously relative. For some it could mean your son or daughter scoring a winning goal in a hockey tournament and basking in the resulting high smile wattage glory for the rest of the weekend. For others it could be mean joyfully cascading in the surf along the shores of an all-inclusive resort that was saved for all year.  For me,... More »

Embrace the blah

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Embrace the blah
Beyond the obvious time to grasp on to all things right and healthy to start anew, January also means the real commencement of winter. Not the airy fairy cocktails and wrapping paper, sleigh bells ring are you listening happy cloud that is December, but the real bear down with your cold hands wrapped around a snow shovel for a couple of months type winter.  For the last few years, to truly welcome the icy wrath of winter, we have spent New Year's Eve at our family cottage in Muskoka. If you like winter or at least like being somewhere warm... More »

Oh Holy Night?

Oh Holy Night?
So we had a great holiday this year and I will not write about all the Christmas minutiae, but there were two things that stood out this year more than anything.  The first being our first ever excursion to church on Christmas Eve. We are not a religious family as my wife or me were not raised in a religious families growing up. But this year, Hudson started asking questions about church and God and we thought this would be at least an introduction to the subject. I was originally reluctant - not to introduce the experience to my sons... More »

Oh Christmas Tree!

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Oh Christmas Tree!
Been focused on the season lately and all that entails from a family and social responsibility point of view, add some additional work fluctuation and writing here became less of a priority.  I refuse to touch on the horror of last Friday only because the noise is quite loud and I would rather not add to it thank you very much.  So I will focus on one of my favourite things about this time of year. Our Christmas tree.  We are a natural Christmas tree family, always have been, always will. Growing up in the sparkley seventies, my parents experimented... More »

Lockout over!

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Lockout over!
Sure the headline is hyperbole, but not in the Graham/White household.Let me start by saying that I may have been the world's worst hockey player when I was growing up. I was the kid that clung to the boards as my teammates and opponents raced by me, spraying snow into my crying face. I was huge for my age and played during the era of full contact, so occasionally, by complete accident, someone smaller would run into me and get hurt. Being the soft sensitive man boy  that I am, built for comfort not for speed, I would be more... More »

20 little things

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20 little things
I worry a lot about how I am raising my kids, which is ok, because it is pretty much the most important thing I got going on in my life. Besides corn nuts and Diet Coke naturally.  Anyway, here are 20 unique and not so unique little and big things that I adore about my two boys: Hudson and Tasman.1.    I love that Hud was assigned the tuba and seems to enjoy it.  2.    I love that Tasman lost both his two front teeth at the same time (all he wants for Christmas?)3.    I love Tasman's belly.4.    I love Hudson's... More »

Beautiful reminder

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Beautiful reminder
It is easy to let things slip away. Being a parent, being an employee, being a friend all demand chunks of time, energy and attention and being a partner sometimes gets shoved to the back of the bus. Then, for whatever reason, the connection seems distant, flickering instead of roaring and one quick, caustic remark becomes the communication of the day. The rest of the time now spent together herding individual or handed off responsibilities until the sigh becomes the sleep and the next day begins.  Laundry becomes homework becomes boys weekends becomes cocktails after work becomes raking the yard... More »

Confidence man

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Confidence man
Steph and I use, without ever really discussing it, a value-based parenting strategy. We try to teach our two apple-faced boys core values like honesty, integrity, fairness, empathy, among others in hopes these lessons become sticky, and, when it comes time to make a decision, whether small or big, they naturally gear towards the right or just conclusion.  I am not talking about Powerpoint decks and whiteboards in the living room, but real-life examples geared toward their respective ages. We try our best to be consistent, try even harder to be personal examples of these values and for the most... More »

Boxed in

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Boxed in
I would like to dedicate this post to Brent. I do not know Brent, but he works in the same building as I do in downtown Toronto. He has worked downtown for about three years, previously working closer to Newmarket, a comparably easier  commute to his suburban home. Brent has short hair, two kids, ages eight and six and a wife who recently became a stay at home mom because the factory she was working at shut down.Why do I know so much about this affable chap Brent? Well Brent and I now share a story of a lifetime. Yesterday,... More »

Anxiety walls and golf balls

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Anxiety walls and golf balls
A couple of weeks ago, professional golfer Charlie Beljan suffered a severe panic attack during the second round of the Walt Disney Classic in Lake Buena Vista, Fla. He literally was followed around by paramedics as he tried to get through the round thinking that he was having a heart attack. He didn't quit because he needed to finish to try and regain his tour card. He actually came back after being checked into the hospital for the third round and amazingly won the tournament the following day.  You can read about it here.  I've suffered through a couple of... More »

Instasister!

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Instasister!
I remember specifically when I first heard. I was 14 years old and coming up from my basement bedroom (I loved my basement bedrooms, sneaking in and out while parents slept, having a waterbed and sneaking people in while my parents slept) and my mother and sister were talking about my two other sisters that lived in Halifax.  Two other sisters?  What the heck are you talking about, I asked, secret pack of smokes in my sock, poking my calf muscle.  Hud, who will never have a bedroom basement or a sister, eating a roasted Jerusalem artichoke at the Brickworks... More »

Fall into the gap

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Fall into the gap
I have watched the four-year gap between my boys with curious interest since Tasman was born back in 2006. From the wide-eyed tender touch of a blonde-haired four-year old, scared he was going to break his Buddha bellied brother to today's version where giggles click to punches with one snatched Lego guy or stolen turn at the Playstation.  One and five!I remind Hudson and now more often, Tasman, that they are brothers, not going away anytime soon and even though the gap is widening with every new growth of hair (save me) and every new lost tooth, they still should... More »

We're talking football. Stylish football

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We're talking football. Stylish football
I played football growing up, both recreationally as a youth at recess and as a junior right offensive tackle for the Northern Red Knights in high school.  In fact, one of the greatest sports memories I have was coming back from a 20-6 halftime deficit to defeat our dreaded rival the North Toronto Norsemen (sorry Jen) 28-26, with our team scoring a last second touchdown to win the Toronto city championship. It was the stuff dreams are made of, except that my dad left at halftime thinking we were done like dinner.  Thanks pops.  Clothing retailer, Old Navy, who I... More »

Time delay

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Time delay
Comparisons to one's own youth make for easy fodder as a person who primarily writes about being a father. Looking back, growing up was neither difficult nor easy for me as a child of divorce.  I was never truly left wanting nor showered with the abundance of my peers. I loved my mother and my father and my sister fiercely, but with the tempered passion of a tall, slightly overweight boy trying to find his way through an emotionally charged dissipating relationship between a working mother and every second weekend father.  My adolescence was obviously where I lashed out; getting... More »

Strong winds

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Strong winds
So I went to a wedding this past weekend.  It was a friend of Steph's, a fellow designer that has peppered her work past and looked to her as a mentor of sorts.  The bride was young, 25ish, meaning the guests, minus the family, were approximately the same age as her.  Me, being a robust 43 years old, and my wife, who is way younger than me at a dainty 40, are now attending weddings and slotted in the same age bracket as the uncles and aunts or older cousins or, imagine that, current or former co-workers.  Now I like... More »

It's not you Blissdom, it's me

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It's not you Blissdom, it's me
I attended Blissdom 2012 last weekend, a social media conference targeted at women. There were approximately 500 women and 5-10 men in attendance, a ratio I was comfortable with initially (bawdy mental high fives and all), but in practicality it was a bit overwhelming.  This conference does wonders for connecting women across Canada and establishing and growing a community of like minded individuals. These are bloggers, mad tweeters, entrepreneurs, professional writers of all topics and, according to a fascinating presentation from Susan Cain, the majority of them are introverts.  Including me. I will leave you alone to guffaw now. Unlike... More »

Blogs & Conferences & Women Oh My!

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Blogs & Conferences & Women Oh My!
I think it was around 10-12 years ago I started a blog on blogspot called chunkofunk. It was a secret back then, helping me wade through banality of a job I didn't like and secretly connect with a group of people that for reasons unknown, I still kind of know.  I wrote stories, I wrote open and honestly about every light and dark side of my being and, of course, I wrote about sex.  It was fun for many reasons. As blogging began to get more popular and less anonymous I deleted all the text in a fit of drama.... More »

Weekend north

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Weekend north
We had 15 people up north this past weekend, four couples and seven kids all under 10. This was the second weekend in a row of hosting so it has taken its toll both on our culinary creativity as well as our cheque book.  Needless to say, we are taking a break this weekend, laying low with me at Blissdom (which I am a bit nervous about being in the overwhelming minority) and Steph kicking around with the boys.  I thought about doing a post on Amanda Todd, but there is a lot of noise out there about bullying, a... More »

No longer containing myself

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No longer containing myself
Ok so my world is not dipped in bright colours of liquid sunshine.  I am an anxious, occasionally nasty lout who will carve a delicate slice of your heart if you let me. I am speaking to you plastic containers spread all over my house.  Some of you are so perfect, always there when I need you, your blue lids so perfectly locked into place to keep my soup from drenching my subway novel.  To keep the bagel and cream cheese so buoyant and fresh allowing my sons to eat half and jam you back into your oxygen eroding plastic... More »

Big thanks!

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Big thanks!
After just wiping the remnants of turkey soup from the front of my shirt, I thought this would be a good time to offer a brief recap of our Thanksgiving weekend.  We hosted - for the second year in row - with my wife's mother, sister and her two kids joining us for three nights beginning on Friday and ending yesterday morning around 10:00am. Now I actually like hosting (don't tell Steph, it provides ample leverage for poker weekends and other future bargaining sessions) because mostly I like to cook.  I don't see cooking as a chore, I used to,... More »

Game on

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Game on
Now that the run and my 43rd birthday are out of the way, I can now move back into the somewhat challenging and precarious role of dad.  Back in 1977, Atari inc. released a video game system that is pretty much seen as the precursor to the home video game systems used in almost 50 per cent of all households today.  When we got an Atari, a post divorce we still love you gift, I was around 9 or ten years old.  We were living in an apartment at the time and me and the other latch key kids would... More »
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