"Are you going to die?" This from my four-year old, almost asleep in his car seat, last night.
On the weekend, he started asking me questions about my mom. I explained that she got very sick and that the doctors couldn't help her, and so unfortunately, she died. I'm not going to candy coat it. But obviously, he's not just forgotten it.
My heart breaks. You shouldn't have to be four and ask that question. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm lying my ass off when I say, 'Don't worry honey. Mommy isn't going anywhere for a very long time.' I was shaking my head as I was saying it because I have no idea. I think of Erin's sister. I think of the two families that I know of whose mothers were gone in a week this winter, leaving 6 motherless children. It's a lie but one that has to be told to a four year old who already chomps his nails to the quick.
It also hit home as I'm heading to get my boob pancaked between two panes of glass today. It's fifteen minutes that could change the course of your life. At the end of the month, I'm joining with the other UrbanMoms to run (hahahahah WALK) the 5k at the Run For the Cure. Some of our writers have been training, like the amazing Jason and our fearless leader Jen. While I'm still biking 100k a week or so, this is NOT going to help me keep my lungs inside my body on September 30th.
Originally, I thought of leaving Will at home for the race. Too busy. Too hard to get down there. Too distracting. After last nights conversation, I looked up whether or not strollers are allowed. They are. So, Will will be joining our team on the course. And I can't wait to introduce him to some survivors and their families. Then I'll remember that not everyone is my mom, some cancers can be beaten - I won't feel like such a liar.
(oh and the stroller will be AWESOME to hold a thermosof Jen's Pimm's cocktails!)
If you want to learn more about the Run For The Cure, please go to unforthecure.com or to sponsor our team or make a donation - please go here!