Remember Dana Carvey on SNL doing Grumpy Old Man? Well. That's me today. Truly. It started with one annoying CONSISTENT driving move and made me think of all of my pet peeves. Let's unload them - and feel the rush of peace that one gets when we rant and rave for a few minutes.
SARA'S PET PEEVES
1. The fact that SNL is about the about the ONLY effing show that doesn't allow their show clips to be streamed in Canada. BITE ME. So here is a mash up with Bill O'Reilly where you can at least HEAR grumpy old man. Thanks SNL.
2. PEOPLE WHO MERGE OVER SOLID LINES
This is the one that set me off this morning. Because it's every freaking morning when I'm in the car and not on my bike. People. Solid Line. NO MERGE. So don't give me the death look as in "hey lady, why aren't you letting me in." I'll tell you why jackass. It's a solid line - and you don't cross the line. One day, I'm going to let you hit my car and then we can discuss what you didn't learn in driving school.
3. PEOPLE WHO GET ON THE ELEVATOR BEFORE YOU GET OFF
Are you in that much of a hurry? Unless you're running to your wife's bedside for her delivery OR you're the one whose water just broke at the office, take a deep breath and let the people off the elevator.
4. PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY'RE BEING CUTE BUT REALLY ARE JUST ANNOYING
I could write a whole blog on annoyances to online dating - you know the fact that I get matched with people who are 5"5; I generally only get emails from couples or men on motorcycles. But yesterday I had an exchange that went down like this
Him - You're cute
Me - thanks - you have a great smile and I see you fish, and ski. What else should I know.
Him - That's pretty much it. You have it all. LOL.
Dude. Why bother? DELETE.
5. PEOPLE WHO SMOKE ON THEIR BIKES
REALLY?? Honestly? We're trying to be healthy - help the environment - ride our bikes to work. And you're in front of me at the red light puffing away on your smoke. Are you on your way to your PETA meeting in your leather shoes?
6. PEOPLE WHO CALL WILL - WILLIAM
Hi. My name is Sara. It's not Raquel (although that's much hotter). If you call me Raquel - that's ridic right? Because it's not my name! Guess what? Will's name is WILL. It's not William. So don't call him that. Especially after I've TOLD you that's not his name.
Whoa. So much negativity. I apologize. Actually I don't! 7. THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS SAY SORRY EVEN WHEN I'M NOT!!! Crap - I better stop now.
But please share yours with me! Go on - try it. It makes you feel better. I will take a deep breath and return to my zen place now, where people drive by the rules and aren't jackasses. Heaven.
(Here's WILL waving bye bye to all this negativity)...