I am part of a Facebook group formed for Moms that adopted from Russia. It's a great example of how the positive power of social media. Within one day of forming the group, there were over 100 members and within four days, 550 members had joined. One of the questions posed to the group was simply "Most annoying question?" and here is a sample of some of the replies. There were over 100 follow up comments.
These are all actual questions posed by strangers, aquaintances, friends and family. I personally have been asked only a few of these and mostly out of innocent curiousity. My two cents on the topic is that while I am open and happy to talk about my adoption journey there are some details that are private.
I ask people I know about how they are feeling when they are pregnant, happy to listen and support, there to celebrate and commiserate but there's a line. I don't ask about the details of the conception whether in bed with their partner or in a doctor's office and I don't ask for a play by play of their birthing experience. Unless of course, they are my close friends and we've been drinking, then anything and everything is on the table. But, if I bump into you in line for coffee or watching our kids in the park please don't ask any of the following. Oh and if you are one of my shared cocktails and dishy deep conversations friends, you'd know better.
So here's the top twenty from a group of 550 Adoptive Moms.
- How much did it cost?
- Why Russia when so many children here need homes?
- Do you know anything about their real parents?
- Where are their REAL parents?!!
- Are your other children yours?
- Does she still remember how to talk in Russian?
- Do you have any of your own?
- One of my adoptive sons has fetal alcohol effects--I'm tired of people asking me why I drank when I was pregnant and how could I do this to him.
- Does she know she isnt yours?
- Did they teach him English in the baby home?
- How much did SHE cost?
- Does he have a Russian accent?
- Is your husband upset he does not have his own children, because mine would not want to raise someone else's kids."
- They look like they could be yours.".
- Did you pick her out?
- Why is it taking so long
- Are you going to tell him about his real mom and dad"
- Are they communists? (since my boys are older I guess).
- She looks like she could be yours
Annoying comments on motherhood are certainly not the exclusive domain of adoptive Moms. No matter how you became a mother, what's the most annoying thing ever said to you as a Mom?