Today is the last day I could abort the daycare option, it`s decision day.
I have weighed the pro's and con's, have evaluated with my head and my heart. I have asked for advice and listened to the wisdom of experienced mom's. I have chatted with fellow adoptive moms and heard their experiences. I've heard happy stories of day care success and horror stories of day care nightmares. I've referred to parenting books and websites on the subject. We had a family meeting and my Mom who is a retired elelmentary teacher weighed in.
My sister and I have hung out at the day care and observed the staff, the kiddies and how Roman is interacting with the environment.
These is a few things I've learned..
- Other practical realities aside, the benefits of day care are structure, routine, independence and socialization.
- Children's experiences with the transition are as varied as each child's personality. Some wave bye to Mom on day one or a few days later with and eargly get on with making new friends while some cry for most of the day and are still distressed upon pick up. The majorityof children it seems adjust and are settled in a week or so.
- Mom's experiences with that adjustment period seem to be universally painful. Almost every comment online and in chatting with people in person have one thing in common. Whether your child is ok not, Mom will be a mess for awhile. Whether it's a great fit or not, every mom seems to experience a loss and the intense emotions that come with it. It seems to be "normal" to feel crazy during the transition and just part of the process.
- Adoptive Moms have a unique perspective. All are conscious about the potential impact on attachment which is an experience unique to adoptive parents. If you birthed your child chances are you don`t worry that your child will overattach to a caregiver and no longer recognize you are their mother or relive the abondonment they experienced when their biological mother left them to an institution. Attachment Disorders and Post Instiutionalization impacts are terms that are concerns unique to the adoptive family. What we have in common is that some of our kids thrive in a day care setting and some do not.
At the end of today I need to make a decision that is best for Roman and our family. The facts are that I start work full time in another week and his spot at the day care is now. I am leaning towards a solution that is a compromise between family care and day care. I am fortunate that I have a choice between my family stepping up and becoming Roman`s care givers while I am at work and a full time subsidized spot at day care spot.
What is means though is making an immediate choice. Part time day care at a centre or a home day care option is not one of the possibilities. It`s either full time family care or full time Centre Day Care.
I will post at the end of the day what my decision is.