From Russia With Love

Sweet November

2012-11-06T21:47:04Z

I spent the first Sunday afternoon in November at home cocooned on the couch with my scraggly mutt at my feet and my sweet wild child cuddled into the crook of my arm. Ahhh, home sweet home, after spending four nights away from my family, driving across Eastern Ontario, clocking close to 900kms, those couple of hours snuggled up with my babes was total bliss. Once they were asleep I flicked on the tv to see if there was a matinee to add to the indulgence.

Anyone remember this chick flick 90's movie with Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves? She's dying and decides to take in a new man every month to teach him how to really live life by spending 24/7 with her in her BoHo, free lovin life. Keanu Reeves is the lucky man for November.

First of all, her hair is really cute, so much in fact I kept getting distracted by it and away from the plot. I am taking it my hairdresser for my next cut, except I need bangs because I have the forehead of a 90 year old.

Secondly, I forgot how cute Keanu Reeves is, I haven't seen him much since the Matrix and while the man can really wear a long black leather jacket he is pretty cute in his Bay street suit turned into hoodie and jeans appeal. Especially, sexy in this PDA scene.

Thirdly, while the movie is over the top on the cheese factor even for a once hopeless romantic such as myself. The characters battle with terminal illness is a reminder to slow down and savour the daily moments. The little joys like the two snuggled on the couch with me. The gratitute for my sister who replied to my text request for some chocolate to go with my cheezy movie. Right here, right now, is my own little version of Sweet November.

Halloween on the road

2012-11-01T01:42:19Z

My job means a bit of travel this time of year. I have been driving east from Toronto to Ottawa this week and tonight on Halloween I am staying in Kanata, just outside Ottawa. At home, Auntie Cat has been in charge of all things Halloween tonight. My parents dropped Roman off this morning at daycare in his bumble bee custome for a day of kiddie Halloween fun. Cat picked him up and they headed out with our neighbourhood friends for trick or treating with the tots. I was tempted to buy a mega sized bag of fun sized chocolate and hiding in my hotel room drowning my sorrows in Halloween candy.

Instead I decided to take my treats to go and take myself out for dinner and a movie. I went to Moxy's for a solo dinner date and while the chicken was quite delightful I was served by a playboy bunny and seated by thigh high booted pirate. A whole lot of thigh highs and cleavage but the craziest costume was a young woman wearing nothing but a mens white business shirt with a used condom attached to it. Her hair was dishelved and her lipstick smeared so I think the look she was going for was a "morning after" thing. Classy eh?

I am so excited to be heading home tomorrow. Back to my family, my home, my heart. Being away reminds me that there's no place like home and a renewed gratitude for all the tricks and treats that await me.

Tales from Auntie Cat... in charge of a toddler, a terrier and a townhouse.. oh my

2012-10-30T02:59:37Z

I'm guest blogging for Heather, as super Auntie Cat, or Ca-ca to Roman and will be at home alone with the toddler and terrier for four nights Ahhh! I'll get help from family and friends and have been living with them for a year, but this is my first time playing mommy to the two of them. It's hard to believe that only a year and a couple of months ago I was a single girl living in a loft on her own. When Heather got the call to Russia, I joined her on the journey to Roman and my life has never been the same..for the better! They say that kids change your life and your perspective and indeed they do!

Last night Roman went to bed in his "big boy bed" but ended up coming to sleep with me in mama's bed in the wee hours of the morning. I was up with the alarm and he was still snoozing in the morning, which allowed me to get the dog out, get the coffee on and get dressed. Then he was up and dressed for this rainy day, in many layers. He insisted on carrying his sticker'd candy bag he made at a Halloween event on the week-end and looked adorable (pic below). Daycare drop off is seamless and he is always happy to see the caregivers and his friends. Papa is coming tonight and Nana tomorrow and then it's Halloween night, I just hope it doesn't rain, 'Frankenstorm' seems to be coming down strong http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2012/10/26/frankenstorm-us-canada-sandy.html.

Any advice I can get from you Urban Moms is much appreciated!

Sleeping with a kickboxer

2012-10-29T16:33:27Z

Did that just evoke visions of a glistening hard bodied man throwing you down passionately between the sheets?

It would for me except that the kick boxer in my bed is a two year old with the kick of a martial arts master. It used to be a little baby kick, cute little kicky feet easily delt with by simple solutions. A little pillow put between us, redirecting his little limbs, even just using the blanket to create a little barrier would solve the issue. Now, extreme measures may be required. I have a body pillow between us but he can scamper over that seconds into the night. I turn away to avoid a heel to the jaw but with only my backside to thrash at, he has learned to do a sorta side by side scaling up and down my back. A kinda of football rumbling, think "the Maniac" scene in Flash dance but on my back.

I have a queen size bed and I am the only adult in it (sigh) but between my kickboxing tot beside me and my terrier curled up at the end of the bed I feel a wee bit squished. I am a cocooner by nature and for the most part I love being curled up with my little man and furry friend but lately I am losing more sleep then enjoying sweet slumber.

Roman starts out in his bed is happy to stay in it for storytime followed by cuddles until he falls asleep. Every night though, usually around midnight I hear the pitter patter of little feet down the hallway and he crawls into my bed for the rest of the night and the kickmatching event begins.

What do you think Mama's, do I have to kick out my kickboxer?

Enjoy the ride... it's been 19 years since I was 19

2012-10-19T19:33:15Z

For work I travel around to Ontario Highschools, Colleges and Universities, particularily a lot of travel in the Fall. I looked at my schedule and I am booked to go back to the university I graduated from many years ago. In fact I did the calculations and 19 years ago I was 19 and starting first year university. I had to look at that number a few times, firstly because math is not my strong suit and secondly because I could not wrap my brain around the fact that it's been almost 20 years since I was frosh.

Then I started thinking about what I would tell that girl if I could have a chat with my 19 year old self. What would I tell that fresh faced, bright eyed gal just starting her adventure into adulthood?

Would I tell her that in her first year of university she would drink a brew served in a garbage can called purple jesus? That she would become Co- President of the Rec. Student Association and that her partner would later return to the school as a Dean. Would she want to know that she will meet a boy in her second year that is President of the Juggling Club and a Philosophy major that would a few years later become her husband? Would I have wanted to know that there was no need to panic about potential pregnancy scares because as it turns out I have unexplained infertility and will never (or at least the next 19 years) conceive but that it won't stop her from becoming a mother.

Would I have wanted to know that in the next nineteen years I would have a career path that included working at a ski school, a donut shop, a coffee giant and two post secondary instiutions. Holding job titles that include workshop facilitator, student recruiter, tour guide, preschool assistant, HR associate, blogger and the one that I still love seeing written on a business card....Coffee Master.

What advice would I have for myself as a fresh faced frosh? I would definately advise her to wear sunscreen and squirrel away some money for a rainy day. I would tell her to have fun, work hard, explore your passions, travel and don't be in such a rush to be a grown up. Maybe I'd let her know that the furture she envisions now will not become the reality but life will unfold in a weird, wacky and wonderful way.

Ah, why spoil it. I think if she walked up to me now I would just give her a big hug, look into her twinkly eyes and awesome perm and tell her that she is beginning an amazing adventure, just hold on to your friends and enjoy the ride.

Mama cook egg.

2012-10-12T13:48:39Z

What would his first three words be? What three words would he string together in the pillars of a sentance. Ok I know I was a bit spoiled with Roman's first word being "Mama"and his second being "I love" but come on, he totally set me up for "I love you" or "I love Mama" being the natural progression. lol

So it really serves me right that my sons first three words were... "Mama cook egg" followed by a little nudge in the direction of the kitchen. Next came "Mama stop talking".

Both made me laugh and for me the giggles are like oxygen so while I am forever grateful to my son for calling me Mama while I really needed that affirmation while alone with him in a hotel in Russia, and his declaration of affection being his first two word combo. I have to say I am equally filled with joy that my little man makes me laugh. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes just cuz toddlers are freakin funny little beings and sometimes because it's either that or cry when he's demonstrating the dark side of two.

For whatever reason, thanks little man for the gift of the giggles.

Destiny and Adoption...

2012-10-11T18:49:10Z

I read an article a while back about a study that was done asking parents that became parents through adoption about their belief in destiny. Basically what was found is that a high proportion of this group believed that destiny had played a hand in their path to their children.

Many sited many a series of coincidences and allignments of events that seemed to defy logic. As an adoptive Mom I can certainly attest to this through my experiences on my journey to Roman. Many times throughout the process I felt "guided" and "in the flow" on a path that while logically seemed totally bizarre and random, at my core felt right in a way that's difficult to describe. That doesn't mean it was easy in any sense, at times it was a very frustrating and emotionally taxing experience. Many doors slammed shut in my face but at the end, in hindsight all that door slamming made sense because it unlocked new doors and a few windows that I would not have had access to otherwise and would not have led to my son.

So whether it's how I choose to see the events or the magic of them, I am a believer. The reason I bring this up now is that this magic revealed itself again to me recently in the experience of a fellow adoptive mama. Here's the story...

J. and I were registered with the same adoption agency when I was in process for adoption from Kazakhastan. She (and her hubby) had adopted their son about 4 years ago from Kazakhastan and were in the process of a second adoption. I contacted her to talk about her experiences and help prepare for the journey. When that door slammed shut and Kazakhastan closed to International Adoption we were both in process and talked about what we would do now that the country we chose was no longer an option. J. decided to stick with the agency and move their file to the Ukraine. I was not eligible for the Ukraine program because I am single and after doing some research decided to make the tough call the leave the agency, and loose a large chunk of my fees to pursue Russia with another agency.

About seven months later I had received the referral for Roman and I was off to Russia for my fairly tale ending. The process was as good as it gets and my dreams of motherhood came true when the judge said yes and I came home with my son just over a year ago.

For J and her husband their journey was about as bad as it gets. They received a referral for a little boy in the Ukraine and though they had to travel "blind" (Adoption lingo for when you do not receive any biographical or medical information about the proposed child before travelling to meet them) They decided to take the leap of faith, trust the agency and take their family to the Ukraine to meet the child. It did not go well. The whole experience was a nightmare and I won't go into all the details but they were unable to move forward and came home with broken hearts and back to square one.

I received a call from J. a few months ago asking about my experience in Russia and with my agency. They somehow found the courage to start again and were ready to move forward. After we chatted, they registered with the agency and started the paperwork for Russia. The agency works in eight regions of Russia and the Director decides which region is the best match for you so you have no say in where in the vast country you will be sent.

Flash forward to this weekend and I get an email from a very happy J. who just received the news that their file had been moved and they just recieved a referral for a little boy from the same city that Roman is from... Volgograd!

They will be travelling in two weeks to the same place that I was just a little over a year ago. I am able to tell her all about the city, the hotel, the in country team, the restaurants, the transit, the court, the medicals, the places to buy souveniers and most importantly assure her that I can say from personal experience they will be ok there. I will send with her an album of photos that can be taken to Roman's baby home so the care givers can see how Roman is thriving and how my son lights up our world.

It fills me with such awe that our stories are coming together in this way. That two people who met through cyberspace and had nothing other then a closed door in common would have stayed in touch years later. That I get to pay it forward and hold the door for her in the hopes that for them at the end of this hallway is their dream come true.

I am humbled, I am honoured, I feel so blessed and I for one, believe in Destiny.

What's your vision?

2012-10-06T15:11:14Z

It all began with scrapbooking many moons ago. Any of you remember "crop nights" and "scrap chats"? I would go to all night scrapbook sessions that had me cropping and producing layouts till the wee hours. This was prior to the digital age when making memories was recorded old school. When the scrapbook era ended and everyone went onto their computers my scrapbook supplies went into the closet. There they stayed until a new calling.... the vision board.

I first heard of the concept about five years ago on an Arts retreat in Ottawa Valley. Everything about that weekend had lasting power but the vision board workshop was the experience I took home and repeated again and again. My former scapper sister also got into and over the years we have our boards up on the walls and they cover a pretty significant amount of wall space.

When "the secret" came out and the "law of attraction" got a lot of press, vision boards were talked about again as a way to harness your dreams and manifest your desires into reality. I personally was not a fan of "the secret" book but I am a big fan of the law of attraction.

The basic premise is that you unleash your desires using your creative self and let your inner-self reveal what you are attracted to in a visual way using images and words. This is a much deeper goal then the "scrap and whine" nights of yester year but there are some similiarities. The sisterhood setting in which your creations emerge, the wine that is consumed to help release your inner artist (in my case) the tactile joy of flipping through mags, ripping out images, scissors in your hand, no where else to be but in this space to let your imagination run wild.

For a great article writtten by Martha Beck that explains it a whole lot better then I do check out this link on Oprah's site

I've made a couple of vision boards along my way to becoming a mom. Images that depict the joy, love, adventure, optimism and openness that I wanted to put out into the world on my journey to Roman.

My last vision board revealed to me some of what I want to make a priority now that I am a mom. My priorities are savouring time, cuddles, living with humour, joy and healthy living. Taking the time to enjoy the small moments that seem to go at light speed. I can't stop the clock but I can try to savour the moments.

What's your vision?

No More Tears....

2012-09-25T13:14:38Z

Today was the day

They said it would happen, they said just be patient, hold on and trust that the day would arrive and today it did. Drama free day care drop off. No trauma, no tears, no clinging, wailing, sweating, or snotting.

It started like most weekday mornings. Wake up, immediate need for water bottle, clothing hunt ending in too short pants and usually stained top (note to self, go shopping or request new round of hand me downs) oatmeal breakfast with some making into mouth but most onto tray as sensory art, the sock and shoe hunt, Mama trying to squeeze into work pants that aren't too tight on my newly expanded jelly role (note to self, start cleanse asap, situation is reaching critical) sock and shoe hunt, key search and finally out the door.

On the way to school Roman tells me about his day "School, bike, Landon, bye Mommy, Parveen, toys, Joti" We pull into the parking lot without a whimper. Roman willingly gets out of his carseat, takes my hand and off we go to the entrance. No trying to steal my keys to ensure I can't go far (cleaver boy) no demanding "Up" followed by a vice grip hold around my neck. This is good stuff and it just keeps getting better. He goes down the stairwell holding onto the railing then into the building like he owns the place. No big saucer eyes resembling a deer in the headlights just happy little greetings to his peeps and teachers. We go into his room and instead of clinging to my leg and burying his head in my thigh (I'm really tall) he lets me take off his hat and coat and saunters on over to the trains all by himself.

Could it be? Can I make my escape with as little drama as the entrance?

"Bye bye my love, Mama is going to work, I will be back after your afternoon snack."

"Bye Bye Mommy" he calls out to me with a smile. "Window?" he asks to ensure that I will blow him kisses from the outside window. "Yes, Mama will go to the window and blow kisses, get ready to catch them." As I walk to the stairwell it's me that it trying to contain my emotions and keep it together. I reach the window and blow him kisses which he catches and blows one back to me" I walk away and he gets back to his business of being a toddler.

Like so many other mornings, I dissolve into tears as I get behind the wheel but this time they are tears of relief mixed with a little sadness that my baby boy is growing up. As I pull away I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders and feel ready to face the day and this new chapter.

Dancing and Kale... a few words of gratitude

2012-09-20T16:14:45Z

Today I am grateful for...

I was feeling quite zen in my movement class last night and filling my body with joyful movement and my mind with gratitude for the random delights of the day.

These are a few of the random thoughts that popped in. I thought I'd make a wordle to express it.

What words would you include in your cluster? Go ahead make one for yourself. It's easy, it's fun and almost guaranteed to might make you say "Gee Universe, thanks for the kale."

Goodnight Irene. My Adoption Agency is closing it's doors

2012-09-19T01:12:40Z

Roman and Anastashia..

Word is out that my adoption agency is no longer accepting new clients. Irina, the Director is retiring and her Administrative Assistant is moving on to a new agency that works in Kazakhastan. Adoption Horizons has been facilitating adoptions since 1995 and has help make over 700 families.

I can only speak from personal experience and the experiences shared by my fellow adoptive parents. For us it would seem that the encounters would be the birthing equivilant of a contraction. The experience could be sharp and meant that the baby was on it's way. She is very direct, very knowledgable, compentent and no nonsence and also the woman at the reins to thank for making us parents.

The couple of events that have been hosted by the Agency in the last year have given a glimpse of the scope of her legacy. Hundreds of children celebrating with their forever families and every one was touched by the woman and her agency that brought home our children.

Almost every week since I've been home I've talked to other woman that are in the adoption process. Some at the very start of their journey looking for advice on navigating the process and some needing some practical advice on travel and the experience once in Russia.

I think of all those children at Roman's baby home still looking for a family to take them home. My heart hurts knowing that the agency will no longer be there to bring Canadian prospective parents to them. I hope there are other agencies that pick up where mine left off doing that sacred work.

The legacy also lives on through HOPE the charity that was founded and run by the agencies clients moved to ``pay it forward`` and give back through programs to aid the orphanages where our children started their lives.

Irina, I thank you for your dedication, your passion and your tireless advocacy for the orphans of Russia. Your legacy lives on in the lives of the hundreds of children who are forever home.

Then and Now.. his eyes tell the story

2012-09-13T02:38:45Z

We just celebrated one year home this week. I went back and looked at the photos from the day we got off the plane from Moscow and I have to say that even though I lived it the transformation still amazes me.

This is Roman the day we arrived home. Exhausted from the travel and a little out of sorts from the massive transition. At 13 months old he was just 19 pounds, his little being dealing with an eight hour time change, almost two full days of travel and all the changes in his surrondings. Resilient and stong inside but his hair was sparse, just two teeth, his little body underweight.

His eyes tell the story.

Today, I arrived home after being away for two nights for business, my big bundle of joy greeted me with this happy face. Thriving at 25 months Roman has a full hair of spun gold, a mouth full of big ole teeth, his toddler body all muscle and boundless energy that keeps us on our toes. A giggle that is contagious, a smile that lights up the room and new words every day.

The twinkle in his eyes reflects the new chapter of his story.

Roman, you are my warrior son, my heart, my happily ever after, our dream come true. Thank you for being you, for trusting us, for your strength and allowing us to be your family. You are cherished, you are loved, you are remarkable.

Love, Mama

My Day in Court- One Year Anniversary...

2012-09-07T02:45:17Z

This week last year was the nine days that was the final leg of my journey to bring Roman home.

I would like to share with you my entries from a few of the most significant events.

The first one is my day in Court. This is the day that you appear before a judge and present your petition to adopt. In my case as a single parent it was just me and my translator that spoke English so the proceedings were all in Russian with my translator trying to keep up with telling me what was happening and what was being said. It was an incredibly intimidating but powerful and beautiful experience.

Looking back one year later, I am still in awe of the process and what transpired in that room. I am humbled, grateful and relieved that I am now home with my son, safety tucked into his bed and court is part of our life story but almost a faint memory with so many new memories we have created living the next chapter at home.

I believe in Miracles- My Day in Court.....One Year Anniversary

2012-09-07T02:13:40Z

You take my breath away little ones

2012-08-31T15:15:27Z

Roman and Anastasia just chillin on a weeknight play date.

After a busy night of running through the splash pad followed by a bubble bath and playing blocks. Nothing remarkable about the scene but two little miracles in matching pj's.

It's the milestone's I mark but sometimes it's the little ordinary moments that took an extraordinary journey to get to it that make it's mark on my heart.

I am reminded of the quote "Life isn't measured by the breath we take but rather but the moments that take your breath away"

You take my breath away little one's.