This won't come as a surprise to you, but I kind of adore Robert Pattinson. You know, the man behind the sparkling vampire that has teenage girls (and, ahem, not-so-teenage girls) swooning. And while I fancy myself on Team Edward and read all the Twilight books in one weekend, it's actually Robert Pattinson with whom I am fascinated. He's awkward in the spotlight, he often looks like he could use a bath and a shave, and he likes Smarties (yes, the Canadian kind). All these things make me adore him.
But this latest interview for Details? Makes me love him even more.
He loves elephants.
"Did you know elephants purr? It's completely scary if you don't know what it is. They purr like cats, but their heads are so deep they sound like velociraptors. You feel it in the ground under your feet. So this big female started sniffing my foot--big female elephant, that is. She sniffed it so hard it came up off the pavement like her trunk was a vacuum cleaner. Then she took my entire body in her mouth. I was holding on to her head, and as I slowly let go she tightened her grip really carefully until I'm just upside down in her mouth and she's going through my pockets with her trunk, looking for peppermints. It was the best day of my life."
He thinks S&M body harnesses from a nearby sex shop that make you look like a horse are hilarious.
"That's so English. I want to do this entire interview wearing it, from an equine point of view," he says, stomping the sidewalk with make-believe hooves. "Seriously. As an experiment in public perceptions. Is the place still open?"
He thinks his fame is pretty surreal.
"I find it really funny--if I got shot, I would literally be in hysterics. I would be like, 'Are you serious? Jesus Christ, get Zac Efron! He's got more social relevance than I do.'"
He loves to eat.
"I eat so much, I'm like a compulsive eater. I've been eating room service, and I'm always really worried about it, so I choose like six things on the menu and eat them all."
He was uncomfortable doing a 12-hour photo shoot with many random naked women.
"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."
You can read the whole interview here.
But this latest interview for Details? Makes me love him even more.
He loves elephants.
"Did you know elephants purr? It's completely scary if you don't know what it is. They purr like cats, but their heads are so deep they sound like velociraptors. You feel it in the ground under your feet. So this big female started sniffing my foot--big female elephant, that is. She sniffed it so hard it came up off the pavement like her trunk was a vacuum cleaner. Then she took my entire body in her mouth. I was holding on to her head, and as I slowly let go she tightened her grip really carefully until I'm just upside down in her mouth and she's going through my pockets with her trunk, looking for peppermints. It was the best day of my life."
He thinks S&M body harnesses from a nearby sex shop that make you look like a horse are hilarious.
"That's so English. I want to do this entire interview wearing it, from an equine point of view," he says, stomping the sidewalk with make-believe hooves. "Seriously. As an experiment in public perceptions. Is the place still open?"
He thinks his fame is pretty surreal.
"I find it really funny--if I got shot, I would literally be in hysterics. I would be like, 'Are you serious? Jesus Christ, get Zac Efron! He's got more social relevance than I do.'"
He loves to eat.
"I eat so much, I'm like a compulsive eater. I've been eating room service, and I'm always really worried about it, so I choose like six things on the menu and eat them all."
He was uncomfortable doing a 12-hour photo shoot with many random naked women.
"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."
You can read the whole interview here.
Did you see the video of that photo shoot? It was absurd! No sense at all, just Rob and random lady bits. It made my head hurt.