The Good.
Last night's full list of winners:
1. Tom Cruise IS Les Grossman. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best role Mr. Cruise has ever played. Seriously, I could watch that baldy with the giant hands dance all night.
2. Ken Jeong. Wow. Dude was accepting an award for Best WTF moment. And you know what was WTF about it??? The fact that his speech made me CRY when he talked about how his wife is two-years cancer-free. "She taught me that life is short and you shouldn't be afraid to take chances." *weep*
3. Sandra Bullock is an exceptional lady.
4. Peter Facinelli drops two f-bombs during his acceptance speech for Best Movie and they don't get bleeped. AWESOME.
5. Aziz Ansari. I am in love with him.
The Bad.
1. Amanda Seyfried wins an award for a movie nobody saw.
2. The will-they-or-won't-they-or-will-they awkward kiss between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. She was right. It does take a lot of smoke and mirrors to make them look good.
3. Salt getting nominated for an award. SALT IS NOT EVEN OUT YET.
4. Christina Aguilera's vagazzled business.
5. Shawn White IS Carrot Top. Also shirtless.
6. The entire cast of Jersey Shore.
7. Lindsay Lohan's romper
The Ugly.
1. Scarlett Johansson on stage with Betty White and Bradley Cooper, making us wonder what in the sam hell she is doing up there. Cue the awkwardness. Cue some more awkwardness. And then there's a weird kiss. Scarlett was, however, my vote for best dressed.
2. The bleeped out profanities. They were not even funny. Not even a little bit.
Best Movie: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Best Male Performance: Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Global Superstar: Robert Pattinson
Best Breakout Star: Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Best Comedic Performance: Zach Galifianakis, The Hangover
Best Villain: Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Best Fight: Beyoncé Knowles vs. Ali Larter, Obsessed
Best WTF Moment: Ken Jeong, The Hangover
Best Scared-As-Sh*t Performance: Amanda Seyfried, Jennifer's Body
Biggest Badass Star: Rain
Generation Award: Sandra Bullock
Lohan should have her probation revoked and be thrown in jail for that effin romper.
I LOVE KEN JEONG. You are watching Community, yes? (I am out to evangelize everyone into watching Community, AMEN.) He is AMAZING as Señor Chang.
Also, I love Bradley Cooper.
Also, Scarlett's dress. That shade of green is perfect! for her skin tone and hair color. But um...is she like 4 feet tall? Because, seriously. I forget how wee most of these actresses are until I see them walking the red carpet.
LOVE LOVE LOVE Community.
It's the best. Seriously.
Maybe Lohan had to come up with something to hide her ankle alarms? or did the court just give her a mood ring ?
I'm traumatized by Shaun White...dude...come on!
But I loved the Sandra Bullock/Scar Jo thing...I just want to hang out with them all.
See...I couldn't tell if the scarlet and sandra thing was supposed to be funny or awkward or what...it was just really, um, bizarre for me. I didn't get it at all.
Is it me or does she look thinner? She looks good though