As I was taking pictures of slices of pie last night, The Girl grouched that None Of Her Friends' Mothers took pictures of THEIR desserts, which is how you can tell that her life is a Vale Of Sorrows. It was a very good pie - for a long time, I was less then enamored of meringue and suddenly I see its uses as a less sweet, less rich counterpart to EXTREMELY rich pie fillings, like the chocolate+condensed milk + butter+egg yolk cream filling above. The Girl - always one for enjoyable heapings of drama - gasped "Mom! You're so CLEVER!" when I pulled it from the oven. Well, that's nice to hear. And then she ate two slices in rapid succession. SUCCESS!
I don't make desserts every night. I do bake frequently during the week, but normally it's just prosaic things like "muffins with VEGETABLES in them", as my poor horrified son says. The current dietary wisdom says that sugar is a wicked, wicked thing and I'm not enough of a rebel to totally thumb my nose at the gaunt, hollow-cheeked nutritionists (wait - I forgot "grey skinned." I feel better now.). I do make desserts often ENOUGH, though, that you would think that my children wouldn't treat them with such shocked cries of delight, as though they'd heard there was such a thing as dessert but never thought they'd actually SEE it.
She's not an eater, my Girl. At least twice a year, we have the Worried About Her Weight speech with her doctor - she doesn't weigh 50 pounds yet, and her six year old brother has already passed her while being a slim lad himself - and generally it ends with frustrated shrugging all around. There's nothing WRONG with her, aside from being finicky and small, but her diet feels like something I should be able to fix. She interprets my worried hovering over her eating as criticism of her, as me being unhappy with her capable, clever self - and I interpret her poor appetite, foolishly, as a rejection of me.
And this is silly and wrong, of course, but we love our kids so much that we tend to watch, in some private, dark part of our heart, for signs that they love us BACK, for signs that they forgive us for being crabby and impatient, that it's okay. And so certain things can become laden with unearned symbolism, this meatloaf transcending meatloaf and becoming my fear, for example, of impending adolescence, the zucchini muffin my apology for having to rush them out the door every weekday morning, those carrots sticks representing my fear that my kids are going to get SCURVY.
And chocolate meringue pie, of course, becomes my wish to love my children with a sweet and uncomplicated love - as rich as butter, as sweet as sugar and as deep as chocolate - to become, if only for a moment, this imaginary perfect mother, with something remarkable in her hands.
ooh, love me, love me! That pie looks delicious.
Oh, I'm so glad that is a dessert pie. Because -- based on that first photo -- I thought you had made the oddest looking Shepherd's Pie in the history of dietery contributions of the sheep herding subculture.
My children will eat and drink anything as long as it fits into their current round of fantasy play. Which is why yesterday their father served them ship's biscuits and rum. It was really the unpirate-like meal of grilled cheese sandwiches and lemonade, but marketing is everything!
Beck this is the best food post you have ever written. You tugged my heart all over the place with this one. And you yanked my cravings totally over to a chocolate pie! Yummy!
Um, recipe?
How could you post such an incredible pie and not give the recipe?? I'll track it down from you--it looks amazing and I can't wait to make it!
It is funny how we do that. I do that too. With food, and other things :(
Okay folks: I can't post the recipe right now, because it's in the current newstand issue of Everyday Food. If you really can't live without it, let me know and I'll email you the recipe, okay?
oh that looks so yummmy! unfortunately i'd probably burn it if i tried or end up with a burnt pie crust full of a muddy mess of chocolate and failed meringue. :(
In my childhood chocolate always meant perfection and I loved anyone that served it to me. I still love it more than just about any other food in the world. Drat!
I know what you mean about the love/food issues. I served a perfectly wonderful meal the other day and the first two things out of my son's mouth were criticism about the meal. I felt somewhat hurt, and then just ticked.
He does, after all, walz in here at age 17 and still have well balanced and nutritious meal placed before him without every having to lift a finger. And I sit and eat a compltely different meal because I don't like meat. And yet ... somehow ... he still finds a need to say something negative.
I figure one day he will be cooking for himself. Yeah, he'll miss me then!!!
"Pie" has always been one of KayTar's nicknames...I don't really know why, except perhaps that she is sweet and I could just gobble her up.
And yes, about the food struggle/failure feelings. Yes, yes. I know them too well.
There really is something about baking that makes me feel like a fabulous mom. Hmmm. Maybe because I never thought I would be as good a baker and cook as my mother. I don't know.
For some reason, looking at the meringue in that last picture reminded me of my Grama and made me feel all warm and squishy inside. Cooking is such an act of love, no?
Kids and food are so tricky. I have the opposite Beck with a teenager who makes many, many poor food choices and it is a difficult line to walk about trying to encourage healthier eating without sounding like a nag or sounding too critical. There's so much pressure and confusion for teens and eating, both boys and girls that I find it a bit of a landmine when I notice that 9 cookies have disappeared but only 1 child is in the house.
WOW that looks yummy! We're particularly prone to the food=love in the French Canadian culture.. I'm obviousy ADORED and WORSHIPPED. Lucky me :(
Your writing always impresses me, but here it's just 'Wow!" I hope you are managing to find the time to work on a novel.
You're so right. Somehow, after my kids eat a healthy meal I feel like such a GOOD mother (when food provision is really a small fraction of the job) and vice versa. Your writing was fantastic in this post- that last paragraph especially. And lovely photos!
You're right: food represents so much more than food. That post was as sweet as pie, Beck.
Very honest blog, Beck.
I'm so excited about how beautiful that meringue is that I started typing about it above, in the name field. It is a beautiful meringue.
I too have a little girl who is very picky about her food and very small both in height and weight (especially relative to her giant brother and extra tall mom and dad!). I can completely relate to your worry and just keep telling myself that she is better off listening to her body than eating because I tell her to. I know 'cause I grew up eating every last bit on my plate and suffered through some major chubby years. I still struggle to stop when I'm full sometimes.
Also, my doctor reminded me that the charts are simply averages of the population. Not a right or wrong. If I remember correctly the population has a bit of a weight issue anyway, right?
Yummy pie and great post!
oh, my gosh, Beck - you are a genius.
Yes, YES! I have those same issues, but not so much with food. I feel it with clothing, the clothing that I want my daughter to like while she cannot. I realized after our last outing that it hurts me in some teenage way (which is troubling in itself). Here I am, a mother, and still somewhere there is a part of me that is reacting to my teenage daughter as if I'm a rejected peer. Very mature.
Yes, I am looking, scanning faces and reactions, hoping for admiration and approval. Wow, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
And yes, the item, be it meatloaf or shoes with bows, does transcend its own reality, when 2 souls are involved somehow.
I am in such a very weird mood tonight - I just posted a rather delightful (I thought) satirical poem about GROCERY STORES, speaking of things becoming transcendent. Feeling very smug with myself, I read my first comment and it was "YIKES!" I SCARED A READER! I immediately hit "save." I think I'm having an out of body experience or something. It's a pity because I wrote a bit of a poem of my own to go with, and it just dripped off my fingertips easy peasy, so pleasingly! - but then again, maybe tomorrow I'll wonder what the heck I was thinking.
Just like I did about the clothes. Because most of the time I am pretty mature, as mommies go, if I do say so myself. :)
I always feel better about myself as a mom when I get my kids to eat healthy food, not always an easy or fast thing to do.
I always feel better about myself as a mom when I get my kids to eat healthy food, not always an easy or fast thing to do.
I have NO DOUBT my kids are going to get scurvy at least once.
We have the same conversations about Christopher's weight on an annual basis. I don't really take his lack of eating personally, but it is a constant source of frustration in the household.
My inner voice KNOWS that he is fine, just small, as is your girl, I'm sure. But it is hard to be strong in the face of medicine, and every doctor's visit brings me down.
On a brighter note, that pie looks *amazing*! I am a big meringue fan myself, so I must try it. Are you sharing the recipe??
Food and love and love and food...seems to go together. Papoosie Girl is seven and 60 pounds and even though she is a healthy weight getting her to accept new foods and eat a wider variety of foods is a challenge. No matter what they weigh I think we all struggle with making sure our kids eat a relatively healthy diet and for those kids a bit on the lighter side I see how it matters even more. Thankfully, there is always a place for chocolate.
Mmm. That pie looks amazing.
My children are all very healthy eaters, for which I am eternally grateful. I don't listen to the grey-skinned (hee) nutritionists about sugar too much, mostly because I love to bake. I love it when I try a new recipe and it is met with delighted squeals... it's my own little happy pill!
You mean you aren't supposed to photograph your food? I thought Mom always just said don't play with your food. If I made a pie that looked like that I would photograph it too. Heck if I made any pies I would! But I don't - that's my hubby's thing (both the pies and the photography). However I am forced by necessity to cook often and also take it personally if it isn't liked. Strange! But thanks for sharing the insight.
If you aren't already aware of The Poor Chef, I just wanted to give you all a heads up. The Poor Chef is Charles Mattocks who is the nephew of Bob Marley. He has made movies and is the the host and creator of The Poor Chef. The show airs in several southeastern cities as a cooking segment. Rumour has it that the show is soon to be picked up by a major network and will soon be nationwide!
I am fortunate enough to watch his segment each week on my local NBC affiliate. He is a super good looking guy who brings regular people on his show to cook a meal for 2 for $7 or less! The meals are very creative and healthy and he does not discriminate with his guests. I have seen Indian, Italian, Caucasion and even a woman from Zimbabwe on his show cooking their ethnic meals.
All very easy to make and I have learned so much and have gotten such good recipes from the show. Check out his web site if you haven't had a chance to see him yet at www.thepoorchef.com.
So true this post. Food and the acceptance of food has always been so symbolic for people. You said it beautifully. And I don't mind at all if you would like to pass a little love my way in the form of a chocolate meringue pie!!!!
gosh I totally relate right now. Becca was so underweight when she was born and I gave it my all to ensure she was healthy and gained weight. Then my boy comes along all healthy and strong. Now he is underweight and not growing at the rate that he was. ugh. I need to bake more desserts .. for them. hehe!