Losing It!

Losing It! tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2009-04-01:/losing_it//2 2012-01-13T05:50:05Z Katherine is a mom of two girls and a self-described dilettante. Join her in Losing It as she shares slices of her hectic life and eclectic interests. From the mundane to the outrageous, if Kath knows anything about it she’ll be more than happy to tell you. For your regular dose of random – Losing It is the place to be. Kath also blogs at this is kat. You can also follow her on twitter @thisiskat. Movable Type Pro 4.37 My Four Hundred tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/losing_it//2.11508 2012-01-13T05:42:37Z 2012-01-13T05:50:05Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/ here, I decided to write my own 400-word tribute to the things I love.

Sunrise over Calgary

I love where I am in my life's journey, and that I can look back with peace at the decisions I have made that brought me here. I love the battlescars I have earned on that journey, for they serve as reminders of just how very strong I can be. I love the memories I have made, that I have so much sunshine on my path in and that my future is still so full of promise and hope.

I love my girls. I love that their faces show glimpses of how they will look as teenagers, and that in their mannerisms and voices they show glimpses of me, and that in their sleep they show glimpses of the babies they once were.

I love a great cup of coffee in the morning. Even more than that, I love two great cups of coffee in the morning. I love a great cup of coffee in the afternoon and after dinner. I love a large-ish glass of good wine with very good company. I love that I have so many people in my life who I consider to be very good company. I love that I have finally learned that one large-ish glass of wine in good company makes for a much better evening than many glasses of wine in poor company.

I love my job. To wake up every weekday morning and look forward to going to work - I love that feeling. My colleagues, my students and their parents: I love them all. I love the hugs, the tears, the epiphanies, the squabbles, the shoelaces, the bandaids, the little handmade cards that say "best teacher ever". I love it all.

I love my cats...all three of them. Their warm heaviness at the foot of the bed at night, their curling, insistent presence at breakfast, their silly antics in the evening. I love the inspiration to live fully in the moment and soak up every bit of life that is a cat curled up, eyes half-open, in the only patch of sunshine in the room.

I love my car, my heated leather seats, my satnav, my Bluetooth. I love the way moonlight sparkles on the snow in my backyard. I love to watch the sunrise over the city as I drive to work. I love to watch the sunset over the mountains as I drive home from work. I love the pure peace of a quiet moment alone. I love to write.

]]> Grabbing Life by the Horns tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/losing_it//2.11480 2012-01-04T22:55:59Z 2012-01-04T21:44:26Z

Years ago I gave up making New Year's resolutions, but the turning of the calendar can be a good time to reflect on the past and set goals for the year to come. I haven't always done so in a...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Years ago I gave up making New Year's resolutions, but the turning of the calendar can be a good time to reflect on the past and set goals for the year to come. I haven't always done so in a conscious way - mostly because I felt it was a bit, well...hokey. I preferred to take on my personal growth in a more organic way: when the opportunity or -- indeed -- necessity for introspection and change arose, I would embrace it willingly. But to specifically set aside a certain time to SET A GOAL? That wasn't me.

Over the past few years, necessity has been the name of the game for me in terms of my own personal growth. I was forced to give a lot of deep, difficult thought to my life, my relationships, my children and the choices I'd made relating to all of them during my mom's illness and following her death. In the end, I was faced with two choices: stay where I was and try to build up the walls of denial that had so recently crashed down around me, or face the truth and do the scariest, hardest thing I had ever done in my life. But the one thing I knew to be right.

In the end, I screwed my courage to the sticking place (to quote the Bard) and did what I knew had to be done. Nothing has ever been harder or more frightening in my life. But in the end, no course of action has ever been plainer. It had to be done. I knew it. And it may have taken longer than many of those around me would have wished, but in the end, after working through my own process, I did it. And I don't regret it...not for a moment.

But really, what a waste of psychic energy if I didn't take time to reflect on that time of trial and suffering and, ultimately, supreme courage. What a waste if I didn't use that experience as a stepping-stone to personal growth. Now that I've recovered (and by recovered I mean come back from a place of extremes to a place of normalcy), I think I ought to try to hold on to a bit of that self-assertion and courage that came out in extremis. I think I ought to try to use it a little more in my daily life.

In that spirit, this year, I am going to really challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone: I am going to try to be courageous. I'm going to take a page from the books of some of the women I admire the most, and I'm going to ask for what I want. What do I have to lose, after all? If I never ask for what I want, I will certainly never get it. If I do ask, well...perhaps I won't get it, but then I'm no worse off, am I? But then again, I have a suspicion that those of us who ask for things usually get them.

It's going to be difficult and it's going to be scary. But I owe it to myself.

]]> 2011 - A Photo Essay tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/losing_it//2.11465 2012-01-01T21:18:15Z 2012-01-01T22:20:34Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Here's hoping that all of you find a similar cache of good memories from 2011, and that you make even more moments to look back on with fondness in 2012.

With love,

Kath

My favourite photo from 2011

]]> A Weight Lifted tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.11446 2011-12-28T14:50:37Z 2011-12-28T15:20:31Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

You've been through some tough times with me here these past few years. My mother's illness and death, the breakdown of my marriage, my return to full-time work and moving to a new home with my girls. I would say it's been like a roller-coaster, only it hasn't. For the longest time, it was like nothing other than an uninterrupted free-fall. If I thought I had gone as low as I could, it seemed I would only fall further. I felt, at times, as though my luck had left me and I thought that maybe I had used up all my allotment of happiness in my earlier, younger years. That all that was left to me now was loss and fear and sadness.

But then, suddenly it seemed, life turned around. It's funny, because when asked I will tell people that it seemed to happen one weekend, after I decided to finally unpack my bedroom. I took all the boxes out of my closet, gave away a lot of clothes I never wear, threw out a lot of junk, hung some art, brought in a lamp and a chair and heaved an enormous sigh. Suddenly it seemed as though this place was, finally, mine. After nearly six months of living there, it felt like home. And it was as though a psychic weight had lifted from my shoulders. I felt lighter, happier, more carefree than I had in - literally - years.

Around the same time, another kind of weight lifted: I decided I had absolutely had it with my new, fat self. You see, during the summer I had given myself permission to do whatever I wanted, and I was in forgiveness mode. So, if I wanted to read a book in bed with a glass of red wine and a bowl of peanut butter cups, then that was damn well what I was going to do. Which is in a way fun, but not without its consequences. So I had started the school year fatter than I had ended it, and I was seriously disgusted with myself. To mend this state of affairs, I decided to try a weight loss plan some of my friends had experienced great success with - Ideal Protein. As I write this, I have lost some 25 pounds, and I feel like not only have I got my life back, but my body as well.

It seems my luck didn't entirely desert me. Perhaps it just took a longish nap.

Whatever the case, be it luck, hard work or a combination of both, I can't remember being this content with my life in years. And the result is a feeling of lightness - of openness, actually. I feel now as though I am open to all the possibilities that exist for me out there. As though I can embrace change and grow from the experience.

]]> Dem Bones tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.11420 2011-12-20T04:44:29Z 2011-12-20T17:27:26Z

Something is wrong with my kids' bones. Really. When she was only three, my youngest broke her arm at summer camp, and then her leg while skiing with the family. And last night, my older daughter broke her arm. While...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

So yeah, you can just call me fracturemom. It's not a title I relish, but in the grand scheme of things, a fracture is a pretty simple thing, as I have now learned for the third time in my life as a mother. After a visit to the emergency ward of the Children's Hospital, you see and hear children who are far more badly injured and far sicker than your own. Breaking a bone is painful, sure, but broken bones heal.

So when I looked at her arm and realized that it was most likely broken, I wasn't too freaked out. I gave her Advil, had her lie down, iced her wrist and then cooked dinner. Oh yes I did! We ate, a friend took her little sister off my hands, and we headed out to the hospital. Once there, I texted an update to her Dad. Which got me thinking, I should let my sisters and my Dad know what's going on. Last time we were here dealing with a fracture, I stood in the hallway frantically making phone calls and getting yelled at by the nurses (no cell phones in hospitals, remember? I didn't.) Five years later though, and it's a different world.

Yup - facebook.

And one of the best things about it was the immediate outpourings of sympathy, support and solidarity we got. Dozens of comments on each status update, all from friends and family wishing us well, and offering us help. It was reassuring and heart warming. And instant.

So...thank you facebook. Thank you friends. Thank you staff at Alberta Children's Hospital!

And a parting shot of my little hero - she even played her clarinet in band rehearsal today! What a trooper.

]]> Dear Mom tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.11305 2011-11-30T04:04:02Z 2011-11-30T05:29:26Z

Dear Mom,It's been nearly three years now since our last, wonderful Christmas together. The best of the best, as you called it. This year, the whole family will be together again. But without you. It's going to bring back a...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Dear Mom,

It's been nearly three years now since our last, wonderful Christmas together. The best of the best, as you called it. This year, the whole family will be together again. But without you. It's going to bring back a lot of memories. It's going to be wonderful and festive and joyful. And there's going to be a huge hole. A hole you would have filled with your presence, your love, your calm and nurturing spirit. My sisters and I will try to fill the gaps...Dad will too...but we know that it's not the same.

When we open our Christmas crackers and wear our silly hats, we will think of you and we will say, "Mom would have laughed so much". When the grandchildren play, and giggle and even when they bicker, we will think of you and we will whisper, "Mom would have loved this so much". When the newest member of the family celebrates his first birthday a few days later, we will think of you and we will know, "Mom would have loved him so much".

Oh Mom, I want you to be here so much. For Dad, for your grandchildren, for us girls, for me. But most of all, I wish you could still be here for you. Because you loved everything and everyone in your life so much. With such a pure generosity of spirit. I know you would have loved this Christmas season very, very much too.

And Mom...so much has changed in my life, and I want to tell you about it! During your last days, I was going through what ended up being one of the worst periods of my life. I look back now with regret and fear that you might have been -- during those last painful days and weeks -- worried about me. About how I would cope. About what would happen to me. And I just wish so much that I could tell you about it. About how my life's wheel has turned full circle and I now find myself back up on top again.

I wish I could tell you how your fight with cancer brought me the biggest reality check EVER, and how I took those tough, tough lessons to heart. I wish I could tell you that I vowed, after you died, never to waste another year, month, day or hour of my life. How I fought bitterly and bravely for what I wanted and needed in my life, and how I won that struggle.

I wish I could tell you that I'm back teaching, and that I love every last stressful, joyful and busy second of it. That I work with a wonderful group of dedicated people whose company I enjoy immensely. How I find such satisfaction and humour in the little children whose minds are entrusted to me every day.

I wish I could tell you that my girls are doing so well now. So brave, so strong, so smart! They are growing up well, and happy. They still miss you a lot, but they (and I) have learned to go on. They (and I) know that the best way to honour your memory is to carry on and have a good life. A happy life.

I wish I could tell you that that is exactly what I have now. A good life -- a happy life. Because I know you would be happy to hear it. I wish, wish, wish so badly that you could be here again, even if only so that I could let you know...I am okay. I am better than okay. I made it through.

Ahh, Mom. If only...if only. I love you.

Love,

]]> Polar Bears Inspire Coca-Cola to Turn Red Cans White for WWF! tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.11093 2011-10-25T15:20:07Z 2011-10-25T17:16:20Z

Well, I don't know about where you are, but in these parts, it's pretty clear that winter's on its way. As I drove into work this morning, the temperature was a bleak and shivery -6C. And during my weekend errand...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Yup, those iconic ads have been around for a few years now. Coke and the polar bear go waaay back. In fact, many of us probably even identify the brand Coca-Cola with these majestic beasts (I know I do, especially during the holiday season). So: what's Coca-Cola doing to help protect these creatures that have been so important to their advertising strategy for so many years?

I was very excited to find out that the answer to that question is, actually, quite a lot.

This holiday season, white will be the new red. Coca-Cola will change the colour of its iconic red can for a cause, in honour of another icon, the polar bear. The "Arctic Home" campaign will help raise awareness and funds to support World Wildlife Fund (WWF) efforts to protect the polar bear's Arctic habitat.

With nearly two-thirds of the world's polar bears living in Canada, this Arctic species is an important part of our ecosystem and culture. Coca-Cola will contribute $2 million to WWF over the next five years, and through the "Arctic Home" campaign, will match consumer donations made by March 15, 2012, up to $1 million USD.

That's big money people. So if you're like me and you have some people on your gift list that are impossible to buy for, why not make a donation to WWF in their name? Thanks to Coca-Cola, your generous gift will be doubled. To make your donation, go to iCoke.ca. Funds raised will go toward WWF's conservation efforts to protect polar bear habitats - for their survival today and into the future.

"This campaign is about working together to save one of the most important places on Earth," said Gerald Butts, President and CEO of World Wildlife Fund. "As sea ice continues to melt at alarming rates, polar bears and local communities alike are threatened. With Coca-Cola's support, we can expand our reach and impact to help chart a sustainable future for this critical Arctic ecosystem."

On iCoke.ca, visitors can explore, experience and learn about the polar bear and its Arctic home. They can watch video chats with WWF scientists, track virtual polar bear sightings, and make donations online.

I have been a big fan of this kind of "ethical giving" for a few years now. I use it as a way to cover all those hard-to-buy-for people. Relatives who have everything? Easy answer: make a donation in their name. Want to make a gesture of goodwill to a large group of people? Make a donation. I do this at school with my students. I will adopt an animal or make a donation in their name, then send a note home at the holidays to let them know that this is my way of sharing the holiday spirit with them. This year, I'm going to ask them to make a donation through iCoke.ca themselves.

This year, share the generosity of the season with those who need our help more than ever: the amazing and iconic polar bear. For more information and to donate, visit iCoke.ca.

To learn more about how Coca-Cola and WWF have partnered to help protect the polar bears Arctic home click on this amazing video.

]]> What Can We Do To Change It? tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.11067 2011-10-20T14:18:43Z 2011-10-20T20:24:44Z

I have thirteen - count 'em, THIRTEEN - pets. Now, granted: ten of those pets are fish, but still. Thirteen pets, by any standard, are a lot. So perhaps when I introduce myself I should say, "hi, my name is...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/
Now, granted: ten of those pets are fish, but still. Thirteen pets, by any standard, are a lot. So perhaps when I introduce myself I should say, "hi, my name is Katherine and I'm an animal lover."

I don't really mean to joke about it, because I do take my role as pet owner very seriously. My daughters and I invest a lot of time and care into our pets, and it's not just our own domesticated animals that we care about. Each year we invest money over the holidays to support animals in the wild; animals who are often more in need of care and protection than domestic pets.

We have sponsored many animals over time, from abandoned bunnies turned feral (a surprisingly common problem in many communities) to bobcats and grizzly bears. Up until now, we've focused much of our time and money on animals in the Rocky Mountain parks, because as Calgarians, that's what's close to home for us.

But this year, I'm turning my attention north.

It all started last summer when I heard a report on CBC Radio's The Current about the plight of the polar bear in Canada's Arctic. Since then, that iconic Canadian bear has been padding its way through my consciousness more and more. Both my girls are big fans of these white giants, and each owns at least one polar bear stuffy, so when I started getting more and more interested in their situation, it seemed a natural fit for our family.

A female Polar bear (Ursus maritimus) with her two young cubs in the snow near Churchill, Manitoba, Canada. © David Jenkins / WWF-Canada

So my girls and I have been doing a little research on these amazing creatures. Did you know that 2/3 of the world's polar bear population lives right here in Canada? Of the 19 sub-populations of polar bears, 13 are found within or shared by Canada. And of those 19 sub-populations, 5 have been clearly shown to be declining. By far the biggest threat to the Arctic home of the polar bear is that as climate changes it continues to affect the fragile Arctic environment.

By now, it's an accepted fact that the polar ice caps are shrinking. And because polar bears rely on the ice for their habitat and their prey, the polar ice caps support the entire Arctic ecosystem, of which the polar bears are an apex predator. In their place at the top of the food chain, they are the most vulnerable to any changes to their environment.

Now, personally, I prefer not to dwell on the big problems: instead, I'd rather search for ways in which I can make a change for the better, however small that change might be. So the next step in my thinking is always going to be: what can we do to change it?

Well, we're making changes in our lives to help reduce our carbon footprint. That's all to the good. Anything we can do at home to reduce carbon emissions is going to help the state of the polar bear habitat on the Arctic ice, because the major cause of polar ice reduction is global warming. But we're also going to put our money where our mouths are. By supporting organizations like the World Wildlife Fund, we can contribute to real solutions.

WWF works with stakeholders to protect critical polar bear habitat throughout the Arctic. This includes Inuit communities and governments to reduce human-wildlife conflicts and work towards sustainable development opportunities. It's important to note that WWF supports traditional sustainable harvest by Inuit peoples. In addition, they will help to draft and spearhead management solutions that address the major threats of climate change and industrialization of the Arctic.

A female Polar bear (Ursus maritimus) with her two young cubs in the snow near Churchill, Manitoba, Canada. © David Jenkins / WWF-Canada

For my family, it's important that we share some of our plenty with the other species that we share this planet with. As the holidays approach, we often think about what gifts to give friends and loved ones, especially those who seem to have everything. In my mind, adopting a polar bear with WWF is a perfect answer to that question. It's affordable, it's environmentally responsible, and it's tax-deductible. What more could you ask for?

To find out how you can adopt a polar bear visit for a loved one visit: wwf.ca/store.

This Blog post is sponsored. Some information was provided by WWF. All content is true, based on Katherine's personal experience.

]]> Do You Say it? The F-Word tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10899 2011-10-09T04:05:53Z 2011-10-09T05:43:38Z

I often catch the first few minutes of CBC Radio One's The Current on my way to work in the mornings. Just the other day, Anna Maria Tremonti interviewed Gloria Steinem in her series on Gamechangers (both women I greatly...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/ CBC Radio One's The Current on my way to work in the mornings. Just the other day, Anna Maria Tremonti interviewed Gloria Steinem in her series on Gamechangers (both women I greatly admire, by the way), and the bit of the conversation I heard was about young women's reluctance to call themselves feminists. (Specifically, I believe Steinem was referring to a talk given by Stanford Professor Michele Elam, called "The New F Word (Feminism) and Beyond: Gender, Race, and other Classroom Unspeakables".)

It really got me thinking, because I remember feeling that way myself as a younger woman. Saying incongruous things like, "I believe women should have equal rights to men, but I wouldn't call myself a feminist", or "it's not like I hate men or anything..." and somehow equating feminism with radicalism, hatred and militance.

I don't get queasy about it anymore, though. Now I wear my labels honestly. Feminist. There. I said it. And despite being a woman in a woman-dominated profession (hello, elementary school teacher?), I know that I had the opportunity to make that choice because of generations of women who fought for their rights before me. I can vote because of the suffragettes in my great-grandmothers' generation. I can work outside the home because of the women in my grandmothers' generation (both of mine were teachers). I am paid the same salary as the men in my profession because of the women in my mother's generation. And I hope that both my daughters will be able to proudly say that they have been able to make important and equal choices in their lives because of the work women in my generation did.

It seems timely, this talk of feminism, on the heels of the announcement earlier this week that three women have been awarded this year's Nobel Peace Prize, for their "non-violent struggle for the safety of women and for women's rights to full participation in peace-building work."

The Nobel Committee continued that, "we cannot achieve democracy and lasting peace in the world unless women obtain the same opportunities as men to influence developments at all levels of society." And perhaps I'm just a starry-eyed optimist, but it seems to me like maybe, in a not-so-small way, the world is finally starting to take notice of women's potential to influence positive change. Movements like the Stephen Lewis Foundation's Grandmothers to Grandmothers Campaign and Plan's Because I am a Girl Campaign give us ways to promote peace and human rights at a grassroots level by supporting women and girls through education and financial support.

And if you step back and look at it from a global perspective, there are women out there putting their lives on the line every day for the right to live without the fear of violence, for the right to have a voice, for the right to get an education. And what about us? We live in privilege and take for granted the struggles of our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers. So much so that our daughters are afraid to even call themselves feminists.

The new F-word? I say eff that. Say it. Be it. Own it. FEMINIST. You'll be in great company.

]]> Geek Like Me tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10797 2011-09-19T04:32:03Z 2011-09-19T06:30:09Z

I have this thing, where my brain retains all manner of seemingly useless information (at the unfortunate expense of forgetting time-sensitive things like, say, deadlines or appointments) seemingly indefinitely. I can remember stuff I read in OWL magazine as a...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Truth be told, I love this geeky trivia thing of mine. I have a fascination with anything historical (and that goes right back to the origins of life on earth) or cool and scientific or futuristic (is there intelligent life in the universe? Is time travel possible? How closely are humans and chimps related? And so on...) So, barring all the tedium of daily life, you'd more than likely find me parked in front of the TV watching some documentary on something. Just not those ones about construction and big bridges or buildings. That doesn't tickle my fancy at all. But astronomy? Yes. Cavemen? You betcha. Ancient Egypt, Greece or Rome? Most certainly. Dinosaurs or sharks? Just try and keep me away.

And it doesn't end with me. My oldest daughter loves docs too. One of the sweetest moments for me was when this little girl (she was four at the time) who seemed so much like her dad in every other way, refused to take her bath because she just couldn't tear her eyes off the TV screen where I was watching BBC's Walking With Cavemen. I was floored. And thrilled! We had something in common - finally! Something special, something I loved and was interested in. Something that was just for us.

Since then we have enjoyed watching the BBC series Earth, The Blue Planet, Wonders of the Solar System and Walking With Dinosaurs, Sir David Attenborough's Life Series and the brilliant and engaging Neil deGrasse Tyson on PBS's NOVA. It's so fun for me to have a little mini-geek who is equally engaged in all these fascinating stories as I am! I love to watch her grapple with tough concepts for the first time (could you travel back in time? But what if you did, and you existed in the past: BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN???) and also to see her incredible fascination with things that many other people find arcane or even boring (how does the australopithecus pelvis differ from that of a chimp's? And from modern humans?). I just love sharing this nerdiness with my girl.

My mini-geek doppelganger. And our horrible guinea pig. Anyone want to adopt a guinea pig, by the way?

And now, thanks again to the amazing people at BBC, we have found a new way to feed our inner geeks (and even little sister likes this one...maybe there's hope for her yet!). Our new fave show, which is permanently programmed into our PVR, is Horrible Histories. Witty, clever, funny and, best of all, true! Based on the book series (you may have seen or even ordered some of them from Scholastic), this CBBC (Children's BBC) series is a must-see, even if you're not a weirdo history nut like we are. Here, have a taste and see for yourself. This is one of my favourite sketches, but really...they're all good.

Oh, and FYI, there's a typo in the title there...it should read "Domesday Book", not "Doomsday Book". Just in case you wanted to know.

]]> (un)Holy Hormones tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10684 2011-08-30T01:41:48Z 2011-08-30T02:17:24Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

Pretty harmless looking molecules, aren't they?

HA!

Ask any mother of a pre-teen or teenaged daughter, and she will tell you they are to be feared and respected. But pretty much mostly feared.

You see, those two colourful and relatively innocuous-looking molecules are, in fact, ESTROGEN and PROGESTERONE. (You may wish to run - run fast - right now!) Because if you thought these two little hormones threw you for a loop every 28 days or so, that ain't nothin' compared to the havoc they wreak in the bloodstreams of 11 year-old girls. NOTHING. Maybe it's because these hormones are so new to the pre-pubescent female, and by extension they've had no chance to grow accustomed to their effects, or maybe it's just that their surges are so much stronger, but, well, to quote Diary of a Wimpy Kid, "zoo-wee mama!"

Now, there are many wonderful things that come with your daughter growing up and beginning her journey towards becoming a young woman, but let's get one thing straight: hormone swings are not one of those things. You may marvel at her long-legged beauty, smile at her fledgling independence, and be impressed by her newfound worldliness and opinions, but you will not go misty-eyed when she begins to feel and demonstrate the effects of her new, surging hormones. She may explode in rage, scream, stomp, storm off, slam doors or hang up the phone mid-conversation; or, if you're very, very lucky: she may do all of the above! And it's worth noting that the provocation for these behaviours will range from absolutely nothing to infinitesimally minor irritations. Yes, folks, hormones will have your daughter flying into a rage or collapsing in a heap of tears at the drop of a hat. Now ain't that just a bag full of fun?

Way back in the day, I remember a friend of mine enviously saying, "you're so lucky you have two girls...look at how wild my boys are!" And she was right. Her boys were running wild all over her house, tackling each other, breaking toys, screaming and just generally acting insane. But a thunderbolt if wisdom hit me in that moment and I replied, "well, I know it seems that way now, but let's check back in with each other in 10 years!"

Now? She's got two nice young fellas keeping busy in soccer and hockey, whose only real manifestation of puberty is cute little voice cracks every now and then. And I? I have an unpredictable ball of hormones.

Someone out there who has been through this...please tell me it is a short-lived stage.

Please?

Anyone???

]]> Losing Jack Layton tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10658 2011-08-23T16:32:15Z 2011-11-30T03:52:43Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

I should have written this yesterday, but I just couldn't. It was too hard. Jack Layton's untimely death was hard for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I greatly admired him as both a man and a great politician. To quote a commenter on the CBC Tributes page, "Canada has lost the best Prime Minister it never had".

Jack Layton was passionate, caring and incredibly dedicated. He truly loved our great country and devoted his life, right up to his last days, to making it even greater: not just for the privileged, wealthy and powerful, but for all of us.

He worked tirelessly to help make Canada a better and fairer place. He was famous for his work to eradicate homelessness and violence against women. He fought tirelessly to save the health care system we are so proud of, he was a supporter of public transit and a champion of the environment. But no matter what your political stripe, Jack Layton was also a consensus-builder. Everybody just liked the man. Even my then seven year-old daughter said to me, when I took her with me to the polling station on election day, "Mommy, can you vote for the orange guy? I like him the best." He had that natural charisma that has been so sadly lacking in Canadian federal politics of late.

And his message...his message was uplifting.

In his own words:

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world.

Wow. Just...wow. Reading that, and the rest of his last letter to Canadians, actually brought me to tears. It is just so sad, so wrong, to lose someone like Jack Layton at age 61, when he had so much left to give. But there's more to this story. There is the C-word. Cancer.

People dying before their time of cancer has been a theme in my life of late. My cousin Madeleine, who died of cancer at only 31. My friend Laura's Dad, who passed away at 57. My own mother, young at 67. A dear friend's husband, who left behind two young children at only 57. Recently another dear friend and an acquaintance heard the dreaded C-word themselves. Young women in their 40s with children and plenty of life to live yet. They're not Jack Laytons, not movers and shakers on the national stage, but the world only needs a few of those kind of people. It needs a lot of people who live their own lives well every day, like the people I've mentioned above who were all taken too soon. They were people who lived by Jack Layton's words. People who were loving and optimistic. People who, even in the face of illness or certain death, were hopeful.

And hope was one of the things Jack Layton also wrote about in his last letter:

To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don't be discouraged that my own journey hasn't gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future.

Love. Hope. Optimism. Jack, you will be missed.

]]> Pageant Dreams...Mom's Worst Nightmare? tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10613 2011-08-14T20:02:13Z 2011-08-14T22:09:23Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

You see, I was the one who got addicted to watching TLC's wacky hit show Toddlers & Tiaras this summer. Actually, all the wacky TLC shows I've been watching this summer could fill another post, but let's save that fun for another day, shall we?

So. Yes. Toddlers & Tiaras.

You know, when you watch it through what I'm going to call a "reasonable person" lens, you can see it's chock full of (mostly visual) irony. The producers and editors of the show must have a hoot when they are putting the show together. What amazes me is that the irony, although absolutely blatant to me, must be invisible to enough pageant families, because they keep on agreeing to be featured in the show.

So I watch it. And I love it. No apologies. I find it hilarious, ironic, and fascinating. Yes, and a little bit disturbing/disgusting...but isn't that what all the shows on TLC are like? I mean, tune in to Hoarding: Buried Alive or My Strange Addiction; and Toddlers & Tiaras is mild by comparison.

But here's an unexpected side-effect of my watching the show. Now my 8 year-old daughter is begging me to enter pageants herself! Even after watching these girls sit for hours enduring painful procedures like eyebrow waxing or plucking, aggressive hairstyling, spray-on tans, inches of makeup and false eyelashes, my little girl still wants to do it.

All I can say is: thank God there is no pageant circuit in Canada, because this kid wants a fancy dress, false eyelashes and a crown, baby! Which is not to say that I would permit her to enter pageants...far from it! First of all, she wouldn't make it past the registration with a normal name like Madeleine. Here's what you have to be called in order to make it big in pageants in the US (these are actual names of actual girls featured on the show):

Sparkal (yes, when spoken it sounds like the word sparkle)

Kragen (sounds like the villain in a Sci-Fi movie to me...)

Zanna (not the worst, when you consider the competition)

Aniston (isn't that a last name? Like, Jennifer Aniston's last name?)

Secondly, there isn't enough spray-tan in the world to take her ivory skin and brown it up the way these girls do for their pageants. Ick.

And then there's the photos...they're required for the "most photogenic" prizes that are awarded at all pageants. I don't have the cash to fund a professional photographer never mind the amount of hours a graphic designer puts in to photoshop these babies...have a look!

I know, it's scary. That kid looks more like a barbie than a human. It's the unnaturally large and glossy eyes that does it. Here's an example of a little girl, Isabella, going through the transformation from, well, just plain old Isabella to "natural pageant" looks (which, actually is not the worst) to "full glitz" photo. It doesn't even look like the same girl, does it?

That's our girl Isabella on the left, posing with pageant superstar Eden Wood.

Isabella's photos for "natural" pageants. Not too bad, right? I mean, weird to have makeup on an 8 year-old, but it's not outrageous.

And on that note - ahem - here she is again:

That's the full-glitz look. Fake nails, major makeup and a LOT of time in photoshop.

So, I mean, obviously we all know the reasons why these things are offensive, right? There are a laundry list of reasons to object to beauty pageants:

over-sexualization of young girls
emphasis on facial beauty
emphasis on clothes/hair/other aspects of appearance
the falls! (those are the hairpieces all the little girls wear to give them that big ol' southern belle bouffant look)
the flippers! (kinda like dentures for those little girls whose front teeth are missing or just, well, not perfect!)
the parents!

And that's just a few of the reasons why most of us get that these events and the culture that feeds them is just wacko.

But...but...my little girl, she doesn't get that. She wants to do it. And why? I'm not 100% sure, but I believe it has a lot to do with getting to dress up and look pretty. This is a girl who likes to do that. She'll always pick a skirt over pants, and she'd rather have a frilly, lacy, sparkly skirt over a plain one. That's just the way she is. I swear! I mean, look at me...look at my profile pic...I'm wearing a down vest and not an atom of makeup. And that's how I roll, baby. I is what I is, and yet: my Maddy is what she is too, ya know? And I promise I didn't push any of this "fancy" stuff on her...trust me. Her older sister is a die-hard dinosaur enthusiast (even at nearly 11) and wears jeans every. single. day. She hates doing her hair and will sometimes even fight me over bathing (okay, nobody tell her I told you that, because she'd kill me...but it's true!) So yeah, I didn't push my little one into wanting to look pretty. She just does.

But the thing is, I happen to think she looks very pretty all on her own. I happen to think she doesn't need age-inappropriate makeup or hairpieces or a flipper to do it.

So the compromise? Well, she wants to go out as a "pageant girl" for Hallowe'en this year, and I'm going to let her. I bid on this dress on eBay (cross your fingers I win the auction) for only $30, which is certainly what I'd pay for a costume for her anyway.

We'll do her hair up, get her a dollar-store tiara and pin a number on her dress. Now let's just hope it's not -20 so she doesn't have to wear her snowsuit underneath it...that might take away a little from the effect!

]]> Chauffeurmom tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10581 2011-08-07T03:02:51Z 2011-08-08T22:36:47Z

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/

I know it's cliché to complain about it, but I'm going to do it anyway.

I am my 'tween daughter's chauffeur.

It's snuck up on me slowly, you know. And not because I'm not used to driving the kid around everywhere: hey, we live in the 'burbs, so toting kids all over creation in the car is not new to me. It's just that I used to drive her to playdates and stuff. More often than not I was taking her somewhere and staying. It was like, "Mom, can we go to the zoo today?" or "Mom, can we go see a movie today?" and now it's "Mom, can you drive me and my friends to a movie today?" And then when we get there, they all hop out, independent as anything, with a "thanks for the drive!" and "I'll text you when the movie's over," and that's it. I'm no longer needed.

So far, it doesn't really bother me too much. So far, it feels like a sweet little taste of freedom. She's old enough to go to a movie/the mall/the amusement park on her own! I don't have to take her to all these places. Just drive her. WOW.

I'm sure this elation will lose its lustre, however. Soon it will become tiresome to have to interrupt my day to drive a gaggle of girls all over town. Soon there will be two of them asking for rides (so far my younger one is still too little to be left to wander on her own). Soon she'll be asking for the car, not just a ride!

Which has got me thinking: I soooo want a new car. And the weird thing is that my current car isn't even old, by any stretch: I've only owned it just over a year and it was brand new when I got it. It's just I totally brain-farted when I got it and opted for the manual transmission. You know when $1,000 savings seems like so much on the bottom line, but when you amortize it out it's like, $10 a month or something and there isn't a day that I drive that car that I don't wish it was an automatic.

Plus, with all this chauffeuring, I am really missing my old Sienna minivan. I have two daughters and my current ride (a Matrix) seats five. That means I can take my two kids, plus a friend each, and that's it. Which is normally plenty, but there have been enough times this summer that I've yearned for that third row of seats.

Which is not to say that I'd get another minivan, but I have been looking at some SUVs with an optional third row of seating. I have my eye on the Toyota Rav-4 (I am a loyal Toyota owner) but I've heard the optional 3rd row of seats is really, really small. Which means I can fit extra kids in there, but there will be fights about who's stuck in the back-back. So I looked around a bit, and the Hyundai Veracruz caught my eye: it even has a built-in bevvie cooler! On the other hand, for the same price as a brand spanking new Rav-4 I can get a used Volvo XC-90, with major luxury (I sure do love me some automotive luxury) and the added benefit of, you know, reliability and safety.

Anyway...if I do get a new car, it won't be for a few months yet, although I'd probably want to do it before the snow flies (which, in Calgary, could be tomorrow!). So here's my question: who has experience with cars featuring an optional third row of seats? Which ones are best? Just FYI, I have this thing about only liking imports, so if you're going to try to sell me on a domestic vehicle, you're going to have to do a slick job of it!

]]> It's Going Swimmingly, Thanks tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/losing_it//2.10557 2011-08-01T18:57:24Z 2011-08-01T21:37:54Z

I just spent a girls' week (two moms, three tween daughters) at Fairmont Hot Springs: such awesomeness! I am one fortunate cookie, because the whole week was hosted by my friend Kathy, who owns a timeshare in Fairmont. She and...

Kath http://www.urbanmoms.ca/losing_it/ Fairmont Hot Springs: such awesomeness! I am one fortunate cookie, because the whole week was hosted by my friend Kathy, who owns a timeshare in Fairmont. She and her family were booked in for two weeks, but because her hubby and teenaged son were headed back to Calgary for the second of those weeks, she invited me and my girls to join her and her daughter: who also just happens to be best friends with my oldest. And coming right on the heels of a great, fun-packed week with Jen and her kids, it seemed like perfect timing: no chance for my kids to lament the loss of their cousins and all the exciting activities we did with them; just run headlong into the next adventure.

And so it was. We were fortunate to stay with friends who own two separate timeshares in close proximity to each other, because it meant (as visiting owners) that we were able to enjoy the ample facilities at two different resorts. There were pools, both indoors and out, waterslides, hot tubs, hot springs, splash parks and playgrounds. There were raquetball courts, shuffleboard tables, movie nights and billiards. And the girls also enjoyed an afternoon riding the mountain trails on horseback (while the moms relaxed on the patio with a drink and an appetizer).

But if there was a theme for the week, it would have to be this: WATER. Whether it was in pools, hot springs, hot tubs or Lake Windermere, water was where our girls wanted to be. In fact, I think that most days, our bathing suits never got the chance to fully dry out, simply because they were in use so much! And really, isn't that what summer as a kid is really all about? Being on the water? Maybe it's just me, but my childhood memories of summer are all infused with water; be it the backyard pools of friends and family or the lakes at camp and the cottage. Summer was for swimming.

As an adult, though, I found my own inclinations to be slightly different: I was quite content to sit on the sidelines and read, while the kiddies splashed away, especially when we were at the crowded resort pools. And even at the hot springs, I found that I'd have rather floated calmly in the hotter parts, but was forever being goaded to play with the girls; either taking turns on the diving boards (yes, I did take a plunge from the 3 metre board, just to show them I could!) or watching innumerable handstands, somersaults and other aquatic manoeuvres.

But when we headed out on the waters of Lake Windermere in a rented boat (dubbed Caesar - how perfect for this enthusiast of all things ancient Rome!) all that changed. Amazingly enough, we were able to walk into Pete's Marina in Invermere BC on the Saturday morning of the August long weekend and rent a ski boat (complete with tube) without a reservation. From then on, it was two hours of pure fun as we toured the lake and enjoyed the crazy antics of tubing. But perhaps the best part was when I took off my lifejacket and surprised the girls by diving into the vast, clear waters of the lake. Pretty soon (and with a little bit of prodding) they joined me and we all swam together in the bracing fresh water, which is somehow so different from swimming in a pool. And that invigorating feeling of cold lake water on my skin - that more than anything - reminded of what it was to be a kid, in Canada, in the summer.

Sweet.

]]>