An Urban Mom's Weight Loss Diary - Week 14

Then and Now
Week: 14
Pounds Lost: 30

As I sit down to write this exciting entry, I find myself inexplicably sombre. I've made it half-way to my ultimate weight loss goal (actually, I originally intended to lose 50 pounds, but then decided to up the ante to 60 pounds in order to have a BMI in the "healthy" range) and yet somehow, it seems anticlimactic. Don't kill me if you're just starting your journey - believe me, I know (who better?) that every pound is a victory on its own, and I don't mean to minimize a 30 pound loss.

In fact, that's a good place to start. What does 30 pounds mean? Well, for starters, my youngest daughter weighs exactly 30 pounds. Every day when she says "uppy Mommy, uppy" and I heft her into my arms, I remind myself that fourteen short weeks ago just lugging my own fat carcass around was equivalent to carrying her today. That's got to be a significant accomplishment. Then there's my clothes; they're all falling off me (literally) and it'll soon be time to buy some new ones. That should make me feel fabulous. But it's not working.

Maybe it's that a few of the things I was sure would resolve once I lost weight are still plaguing me: I have had ongoing hip and back pain since my two pregnancies and two (yes, two) posterior labours and births. Now, 30 pounds lighter, I am still awoken more often at night by hip pain than by my children. Ditto snoring - it started during my first pregnancy and never resolved, and this highly unflattering (not to mention embarassing and disruptive) aspect of my nighttime life with my husband still persists!

And the baggy clothes - ah yes, there's a pickle in and of itself: did you know you can actually look worse in clothes that are a full size too big than you did when you were 10 pounds heavier and they actually fit? It's true - I see the evidence staring back at me every day in the mirror. But what to do? Buy a whole new wardrobe only to discard it and start again in another 14 weeks when I'm yet another 30 pounds lighter and at my goal? Buy "transition" clothes you say, but it's a truly daunting task - I challenge you to go into your bedroom and take stock of all the clothes you have that would no longer fit if you lost 30 pounds. Jeans and other pants, of course! Skirts, blouses, t-shirts, yup...keep going. How about several bras (I've gone down 4 inches and 2 full cup sizes) and a dozen pairs of undies? Pyjamas, nylons...do you have any idea how daunting it is to think of replacing it all, only to have to do so again? Ack! I can't even begin to think about it.

And while we're on the topic of replacing all my panties - I'm considering getting the support kind. Why? Hmm...let's see - receding stomach fat has left behind vast expanse of wrinkly, stretch-marked empty-balloon belly. Without a tummy-tuck (and let's face it, if I'm too stingy to lash out on a "transitional" wardrobe I won't pony up for plastic surgery) I won't be wearing a bikini even if I surpass my goals!

Can you see what's got me down in the doldrums? Not that I'd consider for a second doing anything differently...no, I'm still in this deal for real, and I do prefer loose tummy to fat tummy, but I guess I'm a bit disillusioned. Did I think I'd lose 10 years of aging along with the fat? Perhaps I did. I always have suffered a bit from "if only" syndrome; "if only I were 60 pounds lighter, I'd be more attractive all over" - alas, youth (and the ability of the young body to recover) is wasted on the young! Give me back some skin elasticity and I'll be a happy woman!

But seriously - a woman asked me the other day if I regretted not losing the weight sooner. An interesting question, and I gave it some thought before responding. Actually, no, I don't regret not trying to lose the weight earlier. Notice my insertion of the word trying - that's because I truly believe I would not have been able to succeed until the moment I came to 14 weeks ago - I needed to be ready to lose the weight. What I do regret is putting so much more weight on after my second child's first birthday. I put on nearly 10 pounds each year from her first to third birthdays. Just imagine where I'd be today if I hadn't had to retrace those steps!

Kath is mom to two girls aged nearly six and three. She writes weekly on the downs (and ups) of weight loss in her Urban Mom's Weight Loss Diary. Please share your thoughts, insights, successes, frustrations below in comments.