tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2009-11-09:/mom_without_a_map//78 2011-07-20T17:37:28Z Sarah, mom of one, is discovering that babies don't come with manuals! She was totally not prepared for the all encompassing love she feels for her first child or for the huge challenges motherhood presents. Follow Sarah's adventures as she navigates this journey of motherhood as a Mom Without a Map. Also check out Sarah's personal blog at Sleeping Is For Losers . You can also follow her on twitter @sarahnewk. Movable Type Pro 4.37 tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10502 2011-07-20T17:26:54Z 2011-07-20T17:37:28Z

Well, UrbanMoms, the time has come for me to say farewell! Not goodbye, because I'll certainly be lurking around, butting in and giving my input whenever possible, but I will no longer be writing "Mom Without A Map". And I'm...

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
Over 100 posts, approximately 1500 comments, amazing people, new friends, changes in perspective- UrbanMoms has given me so much over the past year and a half.  But life has taken over and I need to be focused on my new role as a stay-at-home mom to my 2 year old and 1 month old sons; a role that is everything I hoped it would be but way more work then I ever anticipated!

Thank you so much to everyone who has been on this journey with me. Those who cheered me on as I lost my baby weight (urg. gonna have to do that again.). Those that encouraged me through the trials of morning sickness. Those who shared their opinions, their experience, or their virtual shoulder to lean on when I needed it. Thank you for reading and sharing and growing and learning with me. It has meant the world.

So, I'll be missing you, all my UrbanMoms.  Visit me over at Sleeping Is For Losers for updates on my boys (if I can ever get on the computer)... I'll be looking forward to continuing my relationship with all of you!!
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10350 2011-06-19T16:39:03Z 2011-06-19T16:55:03Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/


I'll post my whole birth story as soon as I can, but until then, enjoy this beauty as much as we are!

]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10320 2011-06-13T12:45:45Z 2011-06-13T12:49:55Z

Weekend Update: No baby:(Although my husband insists I need to be more optimistic, I am being realistic and allowing my mind to get used to the fact that I will most likely be medically induced again. And not until NEXT...

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/ Weekend Update: No baby:(

Although my husband insists I need to be more optimistic, I am being realistic and allowing my mind to get used to the fact that I will most likely be medically induced again. And not until NEXT WEEKEND (or later...bah!).

At this point, about a week(ish) overdue, with everyone and their dog commenting on how low my stomach is and how I must be ready to pop (with twins...so funny) at any moment, I have taken to simply smiling and nodding and biting my tongue.  I really don't have nice things to say to people anymore. Weird how something as awesome as having a baby can make you feel sooooo grumpy!

I have had every sign and symptom of impending labour: I'm 2 cm dialated, lost my mucus plug (which is really gross, FYI), had false labour twice, been sick to my stomach, and continue to have pregnancy insomnia.  But alas, Baby has no desire to be born.
 
That being said, thank you SO MUCH for all your natural induction suggestions! I actually did most of them (except the castor oil), including eating Swiss Chalet as someone suggested on Facebook and a Big Mac meal with a chocolate shake as a cousin of mine suggested.  None of it brought on labour, but I was full and at least I tried!  At this point, all I can assume is that my womb is the greatest place on earth and there is no way to get my son out of there unless force is involved. I mean, he has to come out sometime, right?

Bright side? I love hanging out with The Boy.  Two years old is an awesome, if not volatile, age.  Everything is new, exciting, overwhelming, and frustrating all at once.  This weekend we went to a community safety event at the Fire Headquarters in our city.  It was so fun- and The Boy got to have his first ever juice box.  Never has he been more quiet.

]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10300 2011-06-09T12:41:16Z 2011-06-09T13:01:15Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
Many months ago, while I was feeling oh-so-fab pregnant with my cute little belly and boundless energy, I had told my doctor I didn't want to be induced.  Yes. I said that. I wanted (and still do) to know what it felt like to go into labour on my own. I wanted to call hubs at work with a panicked "GET HOME NOW" and time those contractions until they were 5 minutes apart and we could jump in the car and go to the hospital. You know, just like on TV.

But I'm sitting here, about a day away from my due date, I'm kinda over it and wish I hadn't said that I wanted to go as long as possible. I'd love to help this sucker get outta my womb and into my arms.  But HOW??

Last pregnancy, I never dilated on my own and spent 23 hours in an induced labour. I don't want this to be my fate a second time. The good news? I'm 2 cm dilated! Head is WAYYYYY down! I've had false labour which apparently is a good thing. So let's get this show on the road.

My extensive research has told me that, in order to bring on the baby, I could do anything from drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea to (no joke) standing on my head. Most people suggest sex and power walking (at different times, of course). Spicy foods and castor oil have also been mentioned. But what actually works? Is there really a way to start labour without the dreaded hospital drip?  I mean, lets face it, there are so many ideas out there that I could be the star of my own TLC show based solely on all the tricks that are guaranteed to pop that baby out.

So, my friends, what should I do? What has worked for you? What should I stay away from? How can I convince this baby boy that life on the outside will be better then safe inside the warmness of my belly?? 
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10282 2011-06-05T23:36:32Z 2011-06-05T23:58:39Z

Last night I had my first real taste of non-forced labour. The kind that just comes on all on its own, the kind I didn't get to experience with my first son because he refused to make any movement toward...

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
On the way home from my sister's wedding reception (yeah! I made it to the wedding!), I started to get contractions.  Hard and heavy contractions.  They radiated right into my back, which was exactly what my labour was like with my son.  They were happening every few minutes and, to be honest, I kinda thought it was the real thing.

Hubs, totally convinced we needed to run to the hospital, was anxious to get me out of the car. I was anxious to get home because I knew (from "A Baby Story" of course) that you could labour for hours and I'd rather be at home for that. Also, I hadn't even packed a bag for the hospital yet. I hadn't even thought about it.

Long story short, we got home, I packed a bag, walked around and lay down for a bit. And the contractions stopped.

False labour is no fun!!! I was so disappointed to realize that the pain I had just gone through wasn't going to end in another baby yet...I know it will happen eventually but what a buzz kill!  But I did manage to get a few hours of sleep, some really yummy breakfast, and a taste of what I'm in for if this baby decides to make it out on his own schedule and before the doctor books an induction.   
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10252 2011-05-30T12:03:28Z 2011-05-30T12:03:36Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/ And very grumpy:)  VERY grumpy.
The doctor thinks the baby will be about 8.5 pounds-9 pounds.  That made me feel sick. 
However, they said The Boy would be that big and he was in the 7 pound range.
I have a ton of pre-labour symptoms (including the scoots...ewwwwwwwwwww and major insomnia) but I don't want to believe that I'll have the baby soon.  I think I'll feel too let down if he decides to come late.

I am finally on maternity leave.  The last month of work got really hard because I was walking up and down huge flights of stairs multiple times a day.  Some mornings I would tear up when I got out of the car because I was so tired and couldn't fathom the idea of walking up and down those stairs all day.

My son is at daycare until the end of May, then he is going to go only once a week.  I hope that's the right decision.  He likes daycare but he also likes being home, so I hope he gets the best of both worlds.

There is nothing on television during the day! NOTHING! Thank God for the Young & the Restless.  Have you been watching?? CAIN!!!!!!!

Weight gain has been about 30 pounds.  I'm ok with that.  However, I look really puffy right now and some people have taken to saying "WHOA" when they see me.  I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT REACTION;)

The best part of my "vacation" (aka- Maternity Leave), has been washing all of The Boy's onsies and sleepers.  They're so tiny!!!!!!!!! I forgot how tiny a new baby is. It made me pretty excited for his arrival.

My sister is getting married this weekend! YEAH! She's going to be a beautiful bride. I, however, am not looking forward to seeing myself in her wedding photos.  I still don't have a dress (I KNOW) because I'm just so big now and nothing looks nice. Pray for me!

The Boy loves our new house, especially the bigger backyard. He is really into baseball. I think we have a future Jose Bautista on our hands! I'm glad he got his father's athletic genes because walking is about as athletic as I get.

He just turned two years old. I can't believe how big he is getting.  He loves TV (argh!), talks non-stop, works around the house with his tools, and tells me he's a big boy and doesn't need a diaper (but hasn't mastered the toilet yet...not even close).  I hope he'll be a great big brother and love the new baby, but I'm preparing myself for the inevitable temper tantrums and cries for attention that most 2 year olds have anyway. 

So, I think you're all caught up.  I'm off to eat some more heartburn medication and try to find something that fits over my massive stomach;)

]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10055 2011-04-18T12:55:59Z 2011-04-18T13:23:47Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
It started in January, when I woke up one day and told my husband, we're selling the house and buying something bigger.
End of story- no arguing (although I think he was ready to move as well).  Within a week, we'd listed our house, sold in 8 days and bought a new house in 9 days.  Just like that.  We move on April 29th into the nicest house...I can't even believe we get to live in it.  That being said, what was I THINKING?? I'm 8 months pregnant, suffering from evil crotch pain and random pregnancy annoyances, and I'm trying to pack 4 years worth of clutter and furniture.  And, while I have the best friends and husband who offer to do everything for me, I have those control issues that can't allow someone else to go through all my stuff. So I'm a massive, complaining cow, packing boxes and muttering under my breath who's stupid idea was this, anyway?

Moving forward to March, when the crazies really took over.  Milk in the cupboard, cereal in the fridge.  Screaming and crying fits that come out of nowhere.  The threat to castrate husband because he didn't clean up ALL the hairs in the sink after shaving (and I think he was scared I really meant it, because that sink has SHONE ever since).  Uncontrollable anger over the silliest comments from a colleague that meant nothing and never would have offended me on a regular day. Booking off the wrong days at work and showing up for an OB appointment two days early.  Crazy. 

But last night, I knew the pregnancy crazies had really taken over. I've been having bouts of pregnancy insomnia- usually starting at 3am and lasting until 5am...when I have to get up for work anyway. I decided that I needed a hobby.  Something that I could do to pass the time while I'm up in the middle of the night or when I, you know, have down time with two kids at home... so I ordered a book on knitting.  Because that's the hobby I decided, at 3am, I would totally like to take up and spend all my free (heh.) time on.  Knitting.  Now, no offence to knitters,  because I love me a handmade sweater for the baby, but I know myself and there is no way on God's green earth that I am EVER going to knit. Not only do I have zero crafty talent, but I have zero interest in actually knitting.  It just sounded like an AWESOME idea at 3am while this crazy preggo was trying to think of things to keep herself occupied. I also ordered a book on cross stitch.  Again...it ain't gonna happen. I am not even positive where those ideas could have come from and what would have possessed me to scour Amazon.ca in an attempt to find the highest rated book on how to knit. 

Thankfully, the clarity of 9am has allowed me to cancel my orders and return to a state of mild sanity.  I, instead, will order some good books from the library and use my insomnia as a chance to read (something I will actually do).  But knitting...really? I can only blame pregnancy crazies for that one.

Any good (crazy) things you did while pregnant that you want to share??  
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10036 2011-04-13T13:19:03Z 2011-04-13T13:18:54Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
Let me back up.  When I was pregnant with The Boy, people started giving me advice.  What I should and shouldn't eat (yes, I was aware that fast food wasn't the best choice, but when you throw up everything else, you eat what you can eat), how I could curb my weight gain (um, aren't you supposed to gain weight during pregnancy), why I should continue vigorous exercise (ahem, evil crotch pain. not happening)...you get the point.  Everyone had a story, an experience, an opinion on my every movement. I HATED it and spent more time then I'd like to admit crying over the "advice" I was given, feeling like a failure and I hadn't even had him yet.

Then I had The Boy.  If I thought the advice was bad before, it was awful now. AWFUL.  The Boy was a particularly hard baby.  I've said it before, but he was born with an attitude that he knew better then the rest of the world (wonder where he got that from??) and there were days where he literally cried from the moment he awoke until the moment he slept, with sleep lasting less then an hour before it would start over again.  That's when the advice really started.

He needs to go to the doctor because there's something wrong with him (there's not).  He's allergic to milk (he's not). He has colic or reflux or digestive issues (nope).  You're burping him wrong.  You're feeding him too much/too little.  You're not holding him right. He's starving and needs solids (at 2 months).  You need to make him sleep (this one was my favourite- how does one MAKE a brand new baby sleep).  Ignore him and he'll stop crying eventually (he didn't).

The thing I learned is that everyone thinks you're doing something wrong at all times.  You are never a good enough or right enough parent for other people.  And while I think that advice is very well intentioned and not meant to insult your intelligence/abilities, it does.  It's insulting to me that people thought I wouldn't think of things that could be wrong with him on my own or couldn't figure out how to look after my baby.  Granted, I hadn't even held a newborn before The Boy, but I got used to it pretty quickly.  And I didn't need to constantly be told how "awful" my newborn was (yes, people said that to me) or that I needed to be better organized or more efficient to make this newborn thing work out. I didn't need to feel like more of a confused failure then I already did.

I was tired and slightly overwhelmed and what I really needed was advice when I asked for it and for people to shut up and tell me I was awesome when I didn't ask. Harsh...but true.

So now I'm anywhere from 6-10 weeks from meeting my new son.  I've managed to let some of the well-meaning advice I've received this pregnancy roll off my back a little better then last time.  But I'm really bracing myself for the onslaught of advice that will come flowing in once I have New Baby.  And preparing myself for my reaction to that advice.  We all need help, I get that, but we don't need our faults to constantly be pointed out..  Mostly, I am hoping that people back off and give me space and let me figure things out on my own...because I don't need any help feeling like I'm completely inept at this motherhood thing- I've got that self-doubt covered! 
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.10012 2011-04-08T13:00:47Z 2011-04-08T13:10:03Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
Interestingly, I would hazard a guess to say that I spend over 3/4 of my pregnancy in the bathroom.  The first 5 months are dedicated to "morning sickness" (or in my case, all day sickness).  From month 7 onward, it's all about the pee.  The non-stop pee.

The worst part is that I don't have any convenient times to pee. It always come right when I'm in the middle of teaching a lesson to my students, or right when my son and I are entrenched in a really fun game of balloon volleyball (bragging moment- he's super awesome at this game...better then me, which is so sad), or right as I'm falling asleep/in a deep sleep/20 minutes before my alarm is going to go off.  And when I have to pee, I have to pee NOW.  Kind of like my morning sickness, there's very little warning or time for me to answer nature's call.

I'm currently up at least 2 times a night, but I only see it getting worse.  If I remember correctly, by the time I was 8.5 months pregnant with The Boy, I was up a minimum of 6 times a night for the bathroom shuffle. I'm hoping that the #zombiemoms I follow on Twitter are still hanging around for me when I get to that point! 

Ah, the joys of being pregnant:) 
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9998 2011-04-05T12:46:51Z 2011-04-05T13:02:38Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
The Boy was induced.  He was 10 days late and nothing was happening.  NOTHING WAS HAPPENING!  I was huge, and kinda bored (I know, I know, bored...heh), and desperate for him to be born, so I bugged my doctor from a week before my due date until the day he was born for an induction.  I was so thankful when they finally decided to induce me, even though it took 23 hours for him to make his appearance.

This time, I'm not so sure I'll be as quick to ask for an induction.  Yes, I'm not 9 months yet, so I may change my mind when I'm a massive cow waddling around my house, cursing evil crotch pain and my husband and the doctors and anything else that crosses my path.  But for now, I'm really looking forward to not being induced.

You see, I'm assuming that this is my last pregnancy.  I'd really like to know what it's like to go into labour spontaneously.  I'd like to experience what it feels like, counting contractions, even having my water break on its own. I want to be able to walk around the hallways because I'm not attached to an IV.  I'd like to help labour move along on its own, even.  Perhaps a sick part of me even wants to have a TV moment where I'm on the phone with my husband, screaming at him that it's time, to hurry up and make it to the hospital, all while using that breathing technique that I totally didn't use last time.

All that being said, being overdue was totally AWFUL.  I'm sure I'll cave at some point- both for my sanity and the sake of my overdue baby.  But, for now, I'm stocking up on Raspberry Leaf tea, Spicy Foods, scrub brushes (I read that scrubbing your floor helps labour along?), and a whole lot of hope that I don't have to play that long waiting game again!

How do you feel about induction? Did you go into labour on your own or did you get some medical help to get things moving?   
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9979 2011-03-31T13:20:53Z 2011-03-31T13:23:13Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/ I passed my second Glucose test for Gestational Diabetes.  I'm in the clear- I do not have any problems metabolising sugars and am not at risk for developing Gestational Diabetes during this pregnancy.

So, yes, the horrific diet I was on for three days (I counted the calories and I will tell you that 900 calories a day is not enough for this pregger to say lucid) is no more and I celebrated with half a sleeve of Oreos.

In other news, apparently three blood tests in one arm over a period of two hours makes me bruise like no other.  It has been 5 days and I still look like I'm mainlining over here.  OW.

]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9969 2011-03-30T12:41:46Z 2011-03-30T12:55:16Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/ EVIL CROTCH PAIN (ECP for short).

For me, ECP begins around 28 weeks.  Just when your pregnant belly is starting to be heavy and large enough to be a nuisance.  It actually starts slowly.  A little twinge here, a sharp pain there.  Sometimes enough to make me sit down or draw in a sharp breath, but nothing that I can't handle.

Then I hit 30 weeks.  I'm a few days away from that now.  And ECP joins me on a regular basis until the day I give birth.  Let me give you a quick run-down of what ECP is.

Evil Crotch Pain is defined (by me and other scientific research, I'm sure) as sharp, shooting, burning pain that runs through your groin and "lady parts" during pregnancy.  The larger you get, the worse it gets.  There is no known cure for ECP, other then giving birth.  Pregnant women must just suffer through some of the most uncomfortable pain, outside of childbirth, that they will ever feel. Walking hurts the most, yet standing, sitting and lying down are all equally uncomfortable and painful. 

In my case, ECP forces me to sit down immediately, usually with teary eyes, and take a few huge breaths.  I would equate it to the pain you feel during a bladder infection and/or being kicked really hard in the groin with soccer shoes. Except it doesn't really go away- the pain can be dulled for a few minutes by sitting on an ice pack or soaking in a tub, neither of which are feasible during the work day (as a teacher, at least).

Occasionally, ECP is joined by it's equally comfortable cousin, hemorrhoids. And that is a joy, let me tell you.

I am sure I'm not the only pregnant woman suffering the effects of Evil Crotch Pain.  I am glad to put a name to this affliction.  
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9935 2011-03-23T12:51:00Z 2011-03-23T13:09:58Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
I now have to go for a special 2 hour Glucose test.  My levels were slightly high, so my OB isn't overly concerned, but I am.  For the next three days, I have to follow a special 150 g of carbs a day diet and then get the 2 hour Glucose test after fasting.
Let me give you the highlights of my new diet- funny enough, it appears to be a modified version of the Atkins diet (something I followed religiously for years) with a slice of bread thrown in here and there:

Breakfast:
2 pieces of toast with 2 tsp of butter
1 egg
1 serving fruit
1/2 cup milk

Lunch:
1 slice bread
1 serving fruit
1 serving meat
1 serving veggie
1/2 cup of milk

Dinner:
2 servings veggie
1 serving fruit
1 serving of potato
1 serving of meat
1 slice bread

Actually, when it's all written out, it doesn't sound awful.  The worst part so far (because I'm already 3 hours into the diet...lol) is the planning.  Since the beginning of this pregnancy, carbs have been the only thing that have settled decently in my stomach.  We've been a rice and pasta family for the past 7 months and the thought of choking down that much fruit and meat actually makes my stomach turn.

Even worse, though, is the realization that I may really have to deal with the potential of Gestational Diabetes.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful friend who has been going through the same thing recently and I would be able to lean on her for some support or recipes (bunless burgers, anyone?). 

But, in reality, I'm much more scared of what could happen to my unborn baby as a result of Gestational Diabetes.

So I'm hoping and praying that I pass this 2 hour screening test on Saturday with flying colours... as I begrudgingly munch on a slice of plain bread. 
]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9929 2011-03-22T13:11:52Z 2011-03-22T13:21:23Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/ in his 30s.  Gah!  I'll join him in September but we need not discuss that until then.

When I was pregnant with The Boy, I was 28.  And terrified.  Now that I'm pregnant with New Baby, I'm 30.  And terrified.  I have reoccurring nightmares about things going wrong, how I'll handle them, if I'm up for a challenge should God see fit to give me one...kinda like when Cliff Huxtable on the Cosby Show dreamed he was giving birth to a Hoagie...remember that? Funniest episode ever. I digress.

When you are pregnant, there are a myriad of tests to wade through.  Some seem more mandatory and not too awful (cue the yummy orange pop I drank last week to check for potential gestational diabetes) while others are much more optional and much scarier to me.  As a result, I decided to say no to three specific optional tests:

1) Nuchal translucency (NT) ultrasound - a scan that predicts potential for Down's Syndrome
2) Amniocentesis- a procedure that checks for genetic/chromosomal abnormalities (including spina bifida) 
3) Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS)- a more accurate procedure that checks for genetic/chromosomal abnormalities earlier then Amniocentesis.

All tests check for the potential of birth defects and/or abnormalities.  It was a bit of a struggle to make my decision- although I am younger then 35 years old (the age that they strongly suggest that women receive both tests, as the risk is higher), I went back and forth over the question: would want to know if there was the risk for birth defect, abnormality, or anything else?

I decided no.
There were a few factors that went into my decision to not do prenatal testing/screening.  Firstly, I wouldn't abort the baby, no matter what the test results/ultrasounds showed me.  Secondly, because the testing cannot definitively tell you whether your child will be born with any differences, the stress and anxiety it would cause me, over the POTENTIAL, is not worth it to me.  Thirdly, as I am not a high-risk candidate (under 35, no genetic abnormalities in my family history) I couldn't justify the small but real risk of miscarrying my baby due to the procedure. I'm sure my decision isn't for everyone but these are the reasons I chose to say no.

In the end, these prenatal tests just weren't for me.  I'm happy to do all the blood tests they need to (thanks to my O negative blood type it seems there are way more for me!) and pee in a cup whenever asked, but the idea of knowing before my baby is born that there is potential for something  to happen just is too much for me to handle.

How do you feel about certain Prenatal tests? Are there any you chose not to do or do you believe that the more you know, the better off you are? Would you go back and change your decision if you could?

  ]]> tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/mom_without_a_map//78.9913 2011-03-17T23:48:25Z 2011-03-17T23:49:36Z

Sarah http://sleepingisforlosers.blogspot.com/
I was driving home from a meeting and called my husband to ask him what he would like to eat from my recent favourite fast-food joint (note: I ordered DOUBLE the food he did.  What does this tell you?).  I finished talking to him, put down my phone, and went through the drive-thru. 

Then I got home.  And there was no phone.  I couldn't find it in my purse, on the seat of my car, on the floor of my car, in any of the cup holders...it was totally gone.  And I lost my mind.  LOST IT.

It was 9:30pm, pitch dark outside, and I was crawling around my car with my 7 month pregnant belly completely in the way searching for my phone.  And bawling.  Then yelling at my husband (you're welcome for the show, neighbours) because he was upset with me for crawling around my car in the dim light over a silly phone and not letting him help (him, with the flashlight and the no-belly).

So I came inside after much arguing and sobbed. I finally understood why people call it a Big, Ugly Cry, because was it ever ugly.  It was one of those dramatic, Young & the Restless cries that defies logic and serves only to cover your face with streams of jet black mascara to compliment your red nose as you sit, a crumpled mess, in the most uncomfortable position that you can't seem to get out of. 

I sobbed for at least an hour.  Over a missing phone at the beginning but at some point it probably turned into a cry over something else.  Meanwhile, my ever panicking husband searched for it and practically begged me to stop crying (or shut up- I was sobbing too loud to really hear him).

This is pretty much typical of me in the past few weeks.  A ridiculous hormonal mess who is up one moment and beside herself the next.  The only person who hasn't suffered the wrath of my hormonal imbalance is The Boy- I save all my crazy for husband or any unfortunate family member who happens to call at the wrong time. 

I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with The Boy, but it seems magnified times a million right now. I think the stress of moving, working full time, not getting nearly enough sleep, and general irritation has finally caught up with me.
My pregnancy hormones seem to only be soothed by 1) fast food (I know, it's true though) and 2) being left alone.  Completely alone- except for delivery of said fast food.

Am I alone here? Anyone else care to regale me with tales of their hormonal breakdowns during pregnancy?

*to finish my Blackberry story- I found it the next morning.  In my purse.  Where I had looked a million times through makeup stained tears.
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