WARNING! If you don't want to know, do not read on. I am real and I am human. And sometimes, rarely, but still on occasion, I want to get drunk.
OK, OK. Calm down. But really. Don't you sometimes just want to lose yourself? Don't you just want to go back to a place or a time when you could act ridiculously? Totally irresponsibly? And people barely noticed? In fact, it was almost expected of you? I could use a visit to this time and place right now. Today. For a few days. I could use a good old night out partying, full of silliness and too much to drink.
After all, this blog is my space. I know that, I do. But, just like any responsible business owner/representative/writer rarely do I "go there". I just don't usually let it all hang out.
Let me clarify that because anyone who has read my blog for a while, especially my posts about my mom, knows that I really don't hold back on the emotional front. It is the ugly that I usually keep to myself. You know; the angry, the moody, the bitchy. This is partly because, in my humble opinion, there simply isn't much of it.
I mean, my life rocks. I am truly happy.
I have two amazing kids, a hot and loving husband, fab friends, amazing staff and writers, clients who push the envelope and a business that challenges and rewards me always. However, in moments like these, I see it and I am forced to acknowledge the other side and let it show. So here it is:
Tonight I am sitting here with an ache. A homesick, lonely kind of ache. An antsy, needy, desperate feeling. Like the kind you get when you love a boy but you're only 14...but different. This is a grown-up ache. One that only someone who knows would feel. A pain with knowledge. With wisdom. A pain with experience.
It is not my home I long for because, well, I am home. It is my past. You know, the good ole days. Times when things were so simple and all about hope. The time before loss.
I promise, I won't get into the boo-hooing about my mom. We've been there. A lot. What I will say is that I really could use some company right about now. But, not just any company. I could really use a night out on the town with these guys:
My sisters. I think I am Sister Sick. I need a good dose of teenage silliness with the two people who know me best, Katherine and Allyson. But Kath is in Calgary and Alla in the UK. Plus, Alla is 6+ months pregnant so partying is waaaaaaaay at the bottom of her list. Still. It would be nice. To escape to the past with them. Just for a few days.
OK, OK. Calm down. But really. Don't you sometimes just want to lose yourself? Don't you just want to go back to a place or a time when you could act ridiculously? Totally irresponsibly? And people barely noticed? In fact, it was almost expected of you? I could use a visit to this time and place right now. Today. For a few days. I could use a good old night out partying, full of silliness and too much to drink.
After all, this blog is my space. I know that, I do. But, just like any responsible business owner/representative/writer rarely do I "go there". I just don't usually let it all hang out.
Let me clarify that because anyone who has read my blog for a while, especially my posts about my mom, knows that I really don't hold back on the emotional front. It is the ugly that I usually keep to myself. You know; the angry, the moody, the bitchy. This is partly because, in my humble opinion, there simply isn't much of it.
I mean, my life rocks. I am truly happy.
I have two amazing kids, a hot and loving husband, fab friends, amazing staff and writers, clients who push the envelope and a business that challenges and rewards me always. However, in moments like these, I see it and I am forced to acknowledge the other side and let it show. So here it is:
Tonight I am sitting here with an ache. A homesick, lonely kind of ache. An antsy, needy, desperate feeling. Like the kind you get when you love a boy but you're only 14...but different. This is a grown-up ache. One that only someone who knows would feel. A pain with knowledge. With wisdom. A pain with experience.
It is not my home I long for because, well, I am home. It is my past. You know, the good ole days. Times when things were so simple and all about hope. The time before loss.
I promise, I won't get into the boo-hooing about my mom. We've been there. A lot. What I will say is that I really could use some company right about now. But, not just any company. I could really use a night out on the town with these guys:
My sisters. I think I am Sister Sick. I need a good dose of teenage silliness with the two people who know me best, Katherine and Allyson. But Kath is in Calgary and Alla in the UK. Plus, Alla is 6+ months pregnant so partying is waaaaaaaay at the bottom of her list. Still. It would be nice. To escape to the past with them. Just for a few days.
Oh Jen...I'm sorry.
My sisters mean the world to me and I am enjoying a visit from my West Coast sis right now. It's so hard because our girls are only 6 days apart...
I think I will alwayy regret that Eva will never have a sister.
I can't imagine how hard it is without them as you reach the anniversary of your moms passing...
So ahead - get drunk. Bleutered. Hammered. Smashed. Shitfaced.
No judging here.
If I were closer I'd join you.
Agree!! Okay, maybe not on the drunk part as I already fight nausea enough but just the hanging out, goofing around and laughing so hard you cry. You get Kath soon and me in October but I know it's not the same. Wish we were closer.
The three of you look so gorgeous in the photo!
I can't imagine what it would be like to be separated my best friends. I wish that my sister and I were close. We are just so different and we don't have much in common. I longed for the relationship that you share with your sisters growing up. Someone who would look out for you, understood you, and supported you. I am so envious that you had this relationship with your sisters. The bond you share is so precious. Being apart must totally suck. I completely understand why you feel the need to let loose. So go ahead and get drunk or do something fun that makes you feel like a kid again!
Nothing wrong with wanting to go back in time for a night or two. See if you can't work something out to make it happen. If all else fails, I hereby promise to help you with the drinking and fun part this weekend. I know you know how lucky you are to have the sisters that you do.
I'm with ya Jen, I have those feelings too and there is nothing wrong with them. Now as for the drinking I will have a wine with you virtually. Hubby is gone fishing for the weekend so I am home alone with the 2 kids -- so heavy drinking probably wouldn't be the best idea. But tonight after the kids are in bed I am pouring myself a big glass of Merlot on your behalf . And a toast that hopefully you soon will get a chance to be together again with your sisters. And after that I will probably fall asleep ; )
I soooo know what you mean. One of the suckiest things about growing up is the sure knowledge that you *can't* go back in time, and not all things *are* possible. But, though things are changed and we'll never go back to those days, we have good times to look forward to soon enough, we hope!
In the meantime, there's wine ;)
See you in 12 sleeps!!!
Oh, Jen, I can completely relate, to all of it - the need to drink, the loneliness, the thinking back. I am a writer too, looking to connect to other writers - and sharing a novel about all that you're chronicling here through my blog. I hope you will take a peek at www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com.
I will be back to take a peek at yours. Feel better!
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Some of you could have viewed my post yesterday regarding the sale of Lazy Creek Vineyards within the Anderson Valley of Mendocino County. This singular producer was purchased by Ferrari-Carano above the summer time, and I expressed concern that the idiosyncratic character of Lazy Creek wouldn't be in a position to withstand the much more glitzy persona
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