Six years ago today my cousin Madeleine, Erin's little sister, died of cancer. She was a 31 year-old mother of 3 year-old Matthew and 1 year-old Ella. She was a beloved sister, daughter and friend. She is the inspiration behind UrbanMoms.
Maddy with Ella.
I remember when Maddy was sick. I remember sitting with my then 1 year-old daughter rocking her to sleep and weeping over the injustice. How could this be? She is a mom just like me. Her babies need her! But the truth is I was also weeping with relief. And with fear. Relief that it wasn't me facing the end of my life or facing my children, and knowing, this was all I would know of them and all they would ever know of me. But also weeping with the sudden knowledge and fear that it could be. The fear that death was lurking around every corner. That, like Maddy, I was healthy and active and young. But knowing that this could change in an instant.
I come from a very close family. Many people barely know their cousins. They see each other once a year at a wedding or the obligatory visit to their extended family but really never get the chance to be more than acquaintances who happen to share the same grandparents. But that wasn't the case for me. I have many hilarious memories of mischief the cousins caused together as kids. We would play elevator tag in our grandparent's condo, we spent hours sliding off the roof of my uncle's snow covered house, hid from our parents in the hopes of securing a much sought after sleepover on a school night and at times we would use Maddy's petite stature and go-get-it attitude to weasel our way to the front of the long lines at Canada's Wonderland.
Six years later and I still remember her smile and easy-to-love personality. She was a person people loved to be around. She had a quiet confidence and self-deprecating humour that drew people in. She was a committed and loving mother. She is very much missed by those who knew and loved her.
So today I will remember all that has happened in the last six years. The gift of life that has been mine since Maddy died. I will appreciate everything I have that she did not get to experience because she left us too soon. I will embrace the challenges and realities of aging as the treasured gift of time it truly is. And, as a tribute to Maddy and all of the other mothers and fathers gone too soon, I encourage everyone to do the same.
Jen- so sorry for your loss. It is just crazy to look at this picture and make any sense of it. Inexplicable. She feels alive on this site in a way, don't you think?She would be so proud of what you have done in her name. Love as a motivator for success-wonderful stuff. xoxox n
Love that, Nancy - "Love is a motivator". So VERY true.
Wow. Such a huge loss, and a reminder to be thankful for every moment we're given.
Jen I'm so proud to work for this site, knowing the reason for it's beginnings. I've been thinking of Maddy all day since I watched Erin's amazing video. You summed up so well - the fear, the relief and the overarching theme of injustice. This doesn't make sense to me in the least. I will hug Will tonight and be thankful that I had another day with him...and think of Erin, you and Kath and your family.
Thanks, Sara. Having a sense of purpose and a strong foundation of values has really helped us stay focused at UrbanMoms and bring on writers, like yourself, who reflect what we are all about.
Time with our children truly is precious and I am even more thankful after reading this post Jen. *HUGS*
Sometimes we all need this reminder.
Even though I never met your cousin, she certainly has had a huge affect on me.
Thanks for this post, Jen. It was beautiful.
Jen,
We are lucky to have grown up with such close relationships with our cousins, I love the stories of our antics. I love remembering how Maddy could talk her way into just about anything.
Thanks for this post, it's a reminder I need to be thankful for what I have, my family and Maddy's kids.
Thanks Jen. Like Erin I am so glad for the reminder of those fun times with Maddy and all the cousin's. Thinking of Maddy and watching Erin's video also made me grateful of what I have with such incredible family and friends.
That was a beautiful tribute to a mom who has done so much after her death through this site. And, to a mom who honoured her by starting it.
Thanks, Marianne. You have been around from the beginning and I will never forget your generosity at Maddy's event.
Beautiful tribute. Thank you for your honesty and the reminder of what we all have.....
Weeping over here, at the injustice of it all, but also at the beautiful words that you honour your cousin with.
Thanks so much, Karen. You are such a beautiful writer so it means a lot coming from you.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Jen. This is a great reminder to cherish the every day.
I know. It is amazing that we need reminders but we really do! I showed Erin's video to my kids to remind them too of how lucky we are.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, sugar. Some things in the world are just not fair. Le sigh.
Hi Jen
Mag (as she was called at my house), was such a big part of our life. I miss her so much. There are times when I still sit in disbelief that she isn't coming over on friday to watch y and r. Mag's personality was so vibrant and her nature was soooo caring. Her laugh was infectious. Maddy was what a real friend looks like. Never forgotten, always in our hearts!
Jen thanks so much for sharing your family story. What a terrible loss, I can't even imagine what you and your family went through with such a tragic loss. What a beautiful tribute and reflection on little Maddy. Rest in peace Maddy. I too am very close to my cousins - they are like brother and sisters to me and now I see it with my sons and their cousins.