Tragically, this past weekend, a mom in my neighbourhood died very suddenly. Her daughter goes to the same school as my kids. She was a mom of two. She was healthy and active and full of life. And then she was gone.
When I heard the news I felt so sad for her children and her husband and all of those who loved her. I felt sick about everything she will miss and everyone who will miss her. I thought about how lucky I am. I reflected on the suddenness and unpredictability of her death and how alarming it was. I related to her as a woman and a mother. But it was a case of mistaken identity that really brought it home for me.
This is how it went down:
I walked into the school yard to pick up my kids and a woman I know casually walked up to me and said, "Oh my god! You are alive!" I turned to her with what I am sure was a shocked and confused expression and said, "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"
It turns out that the woman who died had a daughter around my daughter's age with the same name. And when this other mom heard the news of a fellow mom's death and heard her daughter's name she thought it was me. She thought that I was the one who she would no longer chat with in the schoolyard, who would never again pick-up her children for lunch or volunteer in the classroom. She thought she would never again share a glass of wine with me at a neighbour's barbeque or chat casually about our kids together. She thought I had died.
The feeling was overwhelming.
It could have been me.
I am no different than this woman except for the minor details of our lives.
Gone forever.
It was suddenly so real.
It could have been me.
My heart goes out to my fellow mom and neighbour. And to all of those who loved her and will feel the pain of her loss.
Oh my word, Jen - how unsettling!! And tragic.
And I'm so very happy it wasn't you, too, Sugar. xox
I knew this lady a little, and have spent the last several days thinking similar thoughts. If it could be her, why not me? It's truly sobering, but if we can find any good, it is the opportunity it has given us to reflect. As I posted earlier this week: Life is short. Forgive and forget. Love one another. Be kind to strangers. Find joy every day.
So true, Aileen. That was my mom's mantra, even while dying, "find joy every day." xo
That gave me shivers. What a reminder of how precious life is. And what a simple statement that means so much: I am still alive.
*shivers*
Wow Jen.
That's just...wow.
*tears* Wow, eh? I am breathing. I am still alive. So simple. So powerful. So taken for granted. On that note, I'm off to enjoy my kids' bathtime.
I only knew this Mom to see her as she would walk by me every day to drop her daughter off at school.I am so thankful for everyday and grateful for those that surround me as it could all end in a second. We should remember her forever,love daily,forgive and forget, and give give give....pay it forward.Do something good for someone tomorrow in her memory anonymously.
Oh Jen - that is so tragic. You expressed it beautifully. It really does make you stop and think....it shouldnt' take something like this to make us appreciate everything but it really does doesn't it??
Oh my word! Goosebumps right up my spine.
I remember when I was just about to leave a former library and I suddenly wasn't seeing one of my favourite families around for a while. The parents were both really nice, always with a little chatty word or help stacking chairs, and the daughter was sweetness in an adorable package. Then one day a woman came in and told us she was caring for the daughter now for the father, because the mother had suddenly died. She was, also, young, full of life and smiles and obvious love for her family.
My thoughts went to that dad, who now had to do everything alone at the same time as he grieved his wife. The little girl, to whom understanding would come slowly and who would likely pierce her dad's heart over and over asking about her, without meaning to. Who would grow up without a mom to guide her in the things we rely on moms for and might not even remember her much.
So deeply sad. I think we all try harder to be cautious once we become parents because we don't want this for our family, but chance has so much more to do with this than any plans we make. such a powerful reminder to count our blessings!
oh jesus...
this just flooded back every emotion I felt when Fiona died...
*deep breath in*
xoxoxoxoxo Christine. And xoxoxoxoxo again.
Wow. What a way to jerk me back to gratitude amidst all the chaos of an impending move, writing report cards, single parenting and whatnot...thanks for the reminder. Finding the joy!
Eerie and sad. Can't imagine how her family is coping. What a weird experience for you to go through. Your post puts a lot of things in perspective. Every day is really a gift, and lately I've been a bit whiny about the small stuff. No more.
we are alive! we should shout it from the mountaintops.
that is scary and I did not hear about it until this minute and it is my neighbourhood. Perhaps send me an email Jen and tell me her full name. I am assuming I don't know her. This is so terribly sad. xoxo
That must have been surreal. Wow. I can't even imagine what it was like for you. And especially for the family.
Wow, Jen. That's unbelievable. What a life and death jolt.
I was thinking of you today -- with gratitude -- when I was lying on the table at the doctor's office, getting a mole removed.
I was telling the doctor about having read and having been jolted into action by UrbanMoms.
I also told him about having read this yesterday >> http://www.velveteenmind.com about someone who went to get a mole removed a couple of weeks ago and it was skin cancer.
I also told him (I talked a lot, I guess) about the other redhead in my neighbourhood.
We were the two glow-in-the-dark, redhead moms who always wore wide brimmed hats when we picked our kids up at school.
Now there is just one of us. When she died of melanoma two or three years ago -- at about age 40 or so -- she left three children, one of them a young, redheaded daughter.
So I thank you again. And I'm very very glad you're around.
Whoa! I must have read hundreds of different topics on blogs over the years and rarely does one jump out to me. But yours did and that just goes to show me you are very talented as a writer and I appreciate talent. Thanks for sharing it.