Do you ever look at someone longingly, wishing you had what they do? I do it all the time with many of my friend's husbands. Shocked? Well, it's not what is seems. I am not looking at them in that way - my hubby is plenty cute enough thank-you-very-much - I am longing for their existence.
Many of my friends are stay-at-home moms and they take pride in being the traditional wife and mother to their families. They are extremely committed to the role.
My husband and I both work, A LOT, and this means compromises all around.
So, when I hear about the lives my friends' husbands lead I am envious to say the least and I don't think many of the men totally appreciate what they have.
1. Dinner on the table. A home cooked meal every night? Yes please. I abhor cooking and my husband has been so busy lately it has mostly fallen to me. Not only do I hate it but I have so little time that the meals are always really simple. Breakfast for dinner it is! Again.
2. Lunches for the whole family. The night time scramble is crazy around our place - home from evening activities, homework, 2nd dinner, papers to sign, showers, bed. Adding making lunches into the mix is enough to drive us over the edge. Imagine the perfect lunch made for you every day just appeared? My kids would be in heaven.
3. Laundry done and put away. Our laundry basket is in a constant state. Our clothes often don't even make it into their drawers until we need the basket for the next load! What I would do to come home and find my laundry clean and neatly folded in my drawers.
4. Chauffeur and household manager. My husband and I both work but someone still has to get the kids from A to B, carpool to games and activities, arrange for the plumber to fix the irritating running toilet, sign the kids up for camp, get them to the doctor and the dentist and the orthodontist, etc, etc, etc. I am sad to say that there are many items on our to-do list that have been there for years. For the most part my friends' husbands have no idea that this is all being executed seamlessly while they are at work. What a dream!
5. Grocery shopping. Imagine living in a place where you never ran out of toilet paper? Where your fridge and cupboards were always full of the things you love? Heaven.
When both parents work it is impossible to do all of these things well. There just aren't enough hours in a day. This is why I look longingly at my friend's husbands. They have it made!
Last night as my son ate his last-minute dinner at 8 o'clock at night he said to me as I worked away trying to meet a deadline, my husband still not home, "Mom, we have to start eating better." Oh man, the guilt! If only I could borrow one of my friends from their husbands. I would appreciate you. I promise!
This was nice to read this morning, Jen... a homemaker's job is constant, and indeed, not running out of toilet paper, shave cream, sandwich stuff, and eggs does not happen by accident.
That said, the grass is always greener... le sigh. Can we EVER have it all!?!
and here i am on that other side of the fence looking at the working moms being able to pay for awesome vacations, or treat everyone to a night out or buy those awesome boots. however, those are things that only money can buy and i suppose that my having the laundry back where it belongs is pretty huge.
i suppose no matter what situation you're on there are always pros and cons otherwise we'd be pretty boring :-)
Good one Jen.
What can I say? I am constantly short a person but I have made it work really well. Except when it doesn't... It is all tight rope walking for sure
I am always impressed with what all my female friends manage. And that includes you Jen!
Im with Julie on this topic. Although I currently choose to stay home while my son is younger (the daycare cost wouldnt be worth it), I wish I had some 'perks' of a working mom. I cant remember the last time I went to a hairdresser - even the cheap kind. One 'real' vaction in the 10 years we've been married and have only owned a cellphone for the past 2 years (for emergency calls re hubby or kids).
But (too) soon enough I'll be a working again and Im sure I'll complain then too! lol!
My sister has 3 small children. My sister's husband is a stay-at-home Dad (full pension though, after working in the US Navy) and I watched her get ready for work routine. Make coffee. Eat breakfast. Read Paper. Talk to husband. Pick up purse and leave at 8am.
When she comes home, homework is done, and dinner is made. Laundry done.
She doesn't even know how lucky she is.
OMG Jen - This has been on my mind for the past week and a half - since school started and I went back to work. I keep thinking balance, balance, balance and....it ain't that easy. I have thought every day, I want to stay home, I want to stay home.... but I can't. I'll just leave it at it's damn hard to work full time and run a home and parent. Really, really, hard.
The crazy thing is that the last thing in the world I want is to be a stay-at-home mom. I would be TERRIBLE at it. I want to be the one who gets to come home to all of these things done by somebody else! My friends' husbands are seriously lucky.
Ha! I have always said that I really need a wife. Not a 'real' one, of course, with her own life, thoughts, and ideas, but a Mad Men sort of wife. Family dinners, squarely balanced? Check. Clean up AFTER those dinners? Check. Make sure everybody's uniform or work clothes are cleaned or picked up from cleaners? Check. Et cetera. She's been on my Christmas list for years!
That is why I chose to work shorter hours and take a second job . As a single parent I was run ragged - Yes - I make considerably less money but at least I get to see my son in his younger years. As a parent you do have to sacrifice. Making less money and having time at home will mean that you at least eat better and healthier -- My laundry still sits in the laundry basket sometimes and my house has NEVER been completely tidy - It does suck.
My colleague has this perfect person... she's her nanny. Says she wouldn't be able to function without her... now I envy her!
What we all need, whether we work outside the home or at home, is STAFF. ;)
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Ditto! I am always wondering how some women do it all...I see they don't so I feel a little better about myself now. The pressure of working full time & trying to be a good wife/mother/homemaker is exhausting in itself. Thanks for sharing!
Great post Jen. Like you I would be CRAP at being a stay at home mom....I bow down and with the greatest respect to all of those work at home moms. My mom was one. And my dad KNEW how amazing she was at it. He has always said that he owes a massive amount of his success to her. All partners who work out of the home should be like that...sadly it's not the case.!
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