Mom's The Word

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! Technology's Killing the Written Word

2010-03-19T15:04:02Z

I have a friend, someone I respect and enjoy, who is a High School English teacher. This friend of mine and I often engage in discussions about books as I too have a degree in English and have a love of reading. This friend of mine is passionate about the written word in its classic form. He respects and honours grammar, punctuation and proper format. He is a reader of everything from modern day works to the classics. However, this friend of mine has grave concerns regarding the impact technology is having on the written word in its purist form. He sees his students texting and emailing using abbreviations with a complete disregard for spelling, grammar and sentence structure. He worries that his students will be lost in the "real world" with a lack of interest in, or worse, lack of ability to communicate. He abhors these technologies and dismisses them as a waste of time, or worse, as the murderer of the written word he so adores.

He and I discuss this often. Our discussions have turned to debates and even arguments. Because, it is not that I disagree, in fact I completely see his point however, I don't see technology as something useless or evil. I see this change as just that, a change. A shift in the way we communicate. An evolution. Communication is adapting and changing as it has always done.

Let me just pause here to give you a little background info on my friend. He does not own a cell phone and never has. He uses email only when he has to, doesn't text, he has never been on facebook or twitter and rarely, if ever, has he read a blog.

I recently read a passage in the latest UrbanMoms Book Club selection, Half Broke Horses by Jeanette Walls, that reminded me of my teacher friend. There is a point in the story where the main character's father expresses his hatred for the newly invented automobile. He loves horses and sees cars as a threat to something he believes in and is passionate about. Just like he loved horses, my friend loves the written word. Looking back now, would we give up the automobile in favour of horse and carriage? No way. It is now a huge part of every day life and an indispensable necessity. It offers a lot of good and probably a little not-so-good too but most of us would not survive long without access to a car. However, just like technology is now, it represented change and change is hard and change is scary.

I do think in order to move forward we sacrifice some things and leave them behind but the ball is rolling and we have little control to stop it. And if I'm honest, some of that is happening with the written word. My friend loves to tell the story about how Mary Shelley wrote the classic Frankenstein at the young age of 18. She wove together a beautiful tale and created timeless characters using impeccable language and form. My friend is genuinely concerned that his students can't write like this and worse, don't value it enough. I agree. However, and this is a big one, I think my friend is being a bit romantic about Mary Shelley and the classics. Let's be honest, Mary Shelley, no matter when she wrote it, is an exception and even more so in 1818. In Shelley's day only 25% of women were considered literate and only 1 out of every 14 people (mostly men) attended school. In other words, the majority of the population didn't value the written word when these classics were written because most of them didn't read and those that did either read only a little or didn't have the means to invest in something as luxurious as a book. Truthfully, Mary Shelley is a huge exception not matter what or when.

But remember what I said before? I believe that this is not the end of the world or a sign that the sky is falling but an evolution. I disagree that we don't value the written word anymore. I think that it is simply changing. Technology has created opportunities and made it possible for almost anyone to be a writer. Writing is now not simply for the elite or uber-educated or formally trained. We can all be writers if we want and many of us have found both personal and professional success and camaraderie and catharsis through the easily accessible world of blogging and social networking. Some of the most beautiful, funny, captivating writers I read are bloggers. Their words raw and unedited, rich and expressive.

Also, some of the greatest friends and colleagues I know I have met through UrbanMoms, facebook or twitter. An amazing pool of brilliance and resourcefulness exists out there riding the wave of change. Yet there are so many who still resist or even 'poo poo' this shift but I know it is futile. The wave of change is constantly ebbing and flowing. One can choose to embrace it and enjoy the ride or resist it and struggle to stay afloat while missing the ride all together. History has shown us that each generation makes changes and choices and improvements on the last, leaving those who hold on to a romantic notion of the past in their dust. I, for one, will not resist but will hop willingly onto the wave and find wonderment and beauty throughout the ride.

You Know You Wanna: The Twilight Eclipse Trailer!

2010-03-11T14:20:12Z

Shhh. Listen closely. Yup, it's the sound of teenage girls (and middle aged moms) across the globe squealing because the next Twilight movie, Eclipse hits theatres June 30th!

The Surprise Road Trip: Post #1...Shhhh

2010-03-10T17:31:16Z

Shhh...I probably shouldn't be risking it but I'm posting this on the sly because I am just SO excited! This March Break I will be surprising my family with a road trip ski vacation to Smuggler's Notch. However, it would seem that I am completely incapable of keeping my mouth shut. Can I please tell you how many thousands of times I have come so close to blowing the whole thing? I have heard such great things about Smugg's from the kids programs to the mountain to the facilities that I am bursting to share.

So, our plan is to get in the car early Saturday morning on the premise that we are going up north to visit my in-laws. There is a ski hill nearby so the kids won't be suspicious about the abundance of equipment and general "stuff". We'll hit the road and start driving. When they start asking questions we'll tell them that actually we're not going up north but going somewhere more fun and they'll just have to wait and see where. Then, when we get there we will meet up with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law for an additional surprise!

The only down side is that I will be wearing my "fat" ski pants because I couldn't do up the button on my "skinny" ones seen in the photo below from our last ski trip. Harsh.

But, I'll focus on the positive 'cause there is plenty of that! I'll be meeting up with an UrbanMoms member (hi Jen! yes, another one.) who I met on our facebook fanpage who just happens to be going at the same time. We'll connect for a coffee and some girl time. Awesome. Plus, thanks to the folks at General Motors we will be Road Tripping in this:

The Buick Enclave. Nice, eh? I'll keep you posted on what we think. So, tune in here for blog posts and photos about our adventure driving 8+ hours with two kids who don't have a clue and our stay at Smuggler's Notch. Or, follow on twitter using the hashtag #SmuggsRoadTrip.

Have you been to Smugg's? If so, let me know what I should do or see. What did you like? Anything you didn't?

Are You Worth It? The Choice is Yours

2010-03-03T13:34:22Z

Years ago I met a woman who was on a personal journey of self-discovery. She had been abandoned by her mother as a child and her father passed away when she was just a little girl. She found herself farmed out to her wealthy grandparents who sent her off to boarding school for 10 1/2 months of the year. She grew up never really feeling loved. The amazing thing was that she was determined to feel self-worth and self-love and find a community of friends to fill in the gaps where her family had failed. I was so intrigued by her because my reality was so completely different and I was amazed by her ability to make conscious decisions to be someone and do something that her whole life up until adulthood fought against. I had never thought too much about who I was or who I wanted to be and certainly never realized I had the power to effect this.

It amazed me. Life experience told my friend that she was unlovable yet she somehow knew otherwise and I needed to know how. So, I started paying close attention to what she did and said. At the time we both worked in a painfully dysfunctional and abusive work environment yet she managed to find the positive. I learned plenty of things from her and began to look at myself with a much more critical eye after knowing her. I learned so much and began to make changes in my own life. I mean, come on. If she could do it then I had no excuse.

There is one thing that she taught me that I live by every single day. She would say to me, "Live your life consciously. Know that every interaction you have with another person is an opportunity. You can decide to have a positive impact and make someone feel good or you can decide to do the opposite. But always know that the choice is yours." Wow. The power in those words. The power of each of us as individuals. I was suddenly able to see that I couldn't control what happened to me but I certainly could control how I reacted. I finally understood and truly felt one of my favourite quotes that has since become somewhat of a personal mantra. It was this famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Does this sound all spiritual and out there? Well believe me it's not. I am a pretty regular gal whose motivation is, simply, to be happy. The reason it works? It is simple and it's all within my control. I can decide to smile at someone and acknowledge them or I can choose to look away. I can decide to get angry over a mistake or a problem or I can choose to approach it calmly and without blame. I can choose to pass judgment or I can choose to accept and embrace our differences. The point is, I choose which means that no one else decides for me.

Sometimes people will say to me, "Oh, I don't like her. She never smiles at me." or "I don't think that person likes me." And all I can think is "why?" Most people want to like other people, right? Even if they don't want to be best-friends I am sure most people are open to a smile or even a quick chat. I am always surprised when people make these assumptions because don't you think they must have been doing exactly the same thing? Did you smile at them? Did you make the effort? I rarely, if ever, have smiled at someone and didn't get at least a hint of a smile in return. Even a perfect stranger. Assuming they actually saw you smile or recognized that you were making an effort to reach out to them, why would they not be interested?

What I learned way back when from my friend is that I have the power to make the best out of my life, to be happy, and to connect with others. If they don't reciprocate then too bad for them. I won't stop smiling and I won't take it personally. Feeling that you are worthy is one thing but acknowledging that most things other people do or say are out of your control is the real lesson. However, the one thing that so many people, amazingly, don't realize actually IS within your control is how you react and how you let it impact you.

Now let me clarify. It has been a lengthy process getting to this point. When I was in my mid-twenties and met this woman I was insecure and sensitive and reactionary. Although my life was generally happy I spent way too much energy on external things that sucked me dry and never helped make my life better. It has taken me many, many years to retrain myself and convince myself I am worthy. Sometimes I still falter and take things personally or wallow in the negative but years of practice have shown me how to pull-up my socks (thanks to my mom for that phrase) and regroup. Believe me, it's worth it. Life is far more enjoyable this way when the choice is yours.

Me and My New Friend, Liz.

2010-02-25T17:27:43Z

Last night, thanks to our friends at Indigo, the UrbanMoms Book Club was lucky enough to go and see Heather Reisman In Conversation with author Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love and now Committed fame. I admit, I probably wouldn't have gone if it weren't for the big group. Although I enjoyed her books I was not crazy about them and, honestly, I was a little bit suspicious of Ms. Gilbert. Because who is possibly that self-aware? Who can spend so much time navel gazing in the real world? I guess I didn't totally trust that someone could actually be this person I was reading about in her books. Not that it seemed disingenuous, her writing is sincere, it just seemed impossible.

In my personal experience, a woman like this simply doesn't exist in real life. No woman I have ever met has made decisions solely for herself or has spent time figuring out who she wants to be and then taken the time to become that person. Many of us are working on it but life takes over and, as Liz herself said, women are conditioned to give so there simply isn't much time or emotional energy to spend focusing on self-improvement. And then their's the whole guilt thing. So, to be honest, I really expected to dislike her. Women are so conditioned to a semi-martyrlike mentality that I think a part of me resented her. Don't get me wrong, I have no desire to leave my husband and abandon my life to take to the road on a personal journey of self-indulgent deep reflection. But while reading Eat, Pray, Love I did fantasize about my own yet-to-be-realized travels to Rome and with Committed I longed to have had the personal insight to really think about what marriage meant and what my expectations were before I plunged into it at the age of 25.

However, I must tell you that I absolutely adored Liz. You see that? She's not Elizabeth or Ms. Gilbert, she is my new friend, Liz and I adored her. It is not that I suddenly agree with everything she said or all of her choices but now it doesn't matter because I understand her. She was real and fallible and self-deprecatingly funny. She was someone I would immediately be drawn to because of her openness and willingness to offer herself to others. I loved the fact that when asked how she found the courage to share so much of her personal life publicly she didn't give some crafted answer about creativity and her artform but said "Courage? I would have told you standing next to me at the bus stop." She is a self-admitted "over sharer".

It is not that she was different than in the book but, in real life, you get to see how her books were not meant as anything more than her personal journey to happiness and self-realization. She was simply telling her story not presenting a guide to the universe on how to live your own life. It was obvious from hearing her speak that she is invested in people. She truly cares about the impact her story has had and takes seriously her responsibility to offer her perspective. But where she, thankfully, draws the line is at giving advice. She offers a willing ear to listen and an experienced and wise sounding-board but never claims to have all of the answers.

My friend Liz said something yesterday that I thought was probably one of the most important things any woman will ever hear if they are willing to listen. After advising women to wait to get married until they are a bit older and have more life experience she said, "Instead of fantasizing about your perfect man, spend some time becoming the person that perfect man would want to be with." Amen.

Disney Post #2: The Magic

2010-02-22T17:07:18Z

Disney, of course, is known for Magic. But I guess I had heard this so many times that, I hadn't realized it but, it was lacking meaning for me. "Disney Magic" had become more of a slogan than a statement of fact. But that all changed. My time at Disney reminded me why this phrase was created in the first place. As I mentioned in my Disney Post #1, we had a fabulous time. The rides were awesome and Disney is tops at creating a totally immersive themed experience. What I didn't tell you was that I was invited to Disney World to learn more about Disney's amazing philanthropic efforts, specifically the new Give a Day. Get a Disney Day program.

This program, more than the rides or the shows, is Disney Magic. Disney's desire is to inspire one million people to volunteer a day of service to a participating organization in their communities. And they're celebrating these volunteers' good works by giving each of them a 1-day, 1-theme park ticket to the Disneyland Resort or Walt Disney World Resort, free. All we have to do is pre-register on their website to give back to our community and we get a day at Disney for free. Magic.

While I was at Disney World they were celebrating some of the amazing volunteering efforts from across Canada and the US. Volunteer families were invited to Disney to be recognized for their efforts and Disney created a celebration for these families that was nothing short of magical. Plus, they kicked it all off with an amazing accomplishment - a new record in the Guiness Book of World Records for the largest canned goods sculpture. Once the sculpture was revealed we all got to start our volunteering efforts on the spot by disassembling the sculpture and donating all of the goods to local food banks. Magic.

The sculpture is unveiled:

Helping Out:

My kids also got to appear on the Disney Channel with some of their young stars giving back to the local community by planting trees. There are lots of fabulous ways to get involved locally and volunteer in your community!

Those 15 Lost Years

2010-02-18T17:23:19Z

As most of you know, I lost my mom a few months ago. She was newly retired, ready to take on life as a full-time wife, mother, and, most importantly to her, an even more dedicated grandmother. My older sister and I have 2 kids ranging from 6 to 10 years-old but my younger sister was pregnant with her first child and planning her wedding when we got the news that my mom had terminal cancer.

I don't think anyone is ever prepared to lose someone they love but when someone is taken from you early, when their life is cut short, there is a whole other layer on top of the loss. My family is extremely close and my sisters and I were very, very close to our mother. The relationship was effortless. This is what I really miss. There were no expectations, no conditions. She was always there and I depended on her a lot. I also had plans to continue to rely on her and enjoy our relationship for many years to come.

Now someone close to me is facing the loss of their parent. I feel their pain and see the panic and fear. I have been there. The loss of a parent, no matter how old, is terrifying because the tiny piece of your childhood you hold onto into adulthood dies with them. From now on, I am a grown-up. Always. To everyone. I feel a bit like I am drifting alone on a raft and am forced to navigate responsibly and effectively without input from my most reliable and dependable resource, my mom.

But watching someone else face what my family and I have just gone through brings so much of it back and I find myself revisiting and reliving a lot of the pain. Plus, there are new feelings and thoughts I am struggling with now. This person's parent is 15 years older than my mom. I don't begrudge them those years or think that makes it any less sad and difficult for their family but what I can't stop thinking about are those lost years. My mom's 15 lost years. Those years we never questioned we would have. Those memories and experiences we never thought we would miss. Those milestones she would follow along with us. And the people she would cherish and guide as they grow up.

By this I mean her grandchildren. The people she cherished most in the world and who worshiped and adored her. These tiny people who would have benefited so much from being loved by her. What I can't stop thinking about is that instead of a 9 year-old boy, my son would have been a man. She would know him as a man, not a child just coming into his own. My daughter and older sister, Kath's, girls would have been grown-up too. She would know them and they would know her.

And my little, baby niece. Just 6 months-old when her Gramma died. With 15 extra years my mom would have seen her grow up to be a teenager and she would have loved her and known her. Plus, she would have continued her reign as World's Most Awesome Grandmother to any little babies my sister may still have.

But she didn't get those years. Those 15 years were lost to us and to her and I can't get it off my mind. The things she would have done with those years. The memories. The love. She is missing so much and we are missing her.

I guess the point of this really is, time is a gift. Every day we get is another day with those we love because the truth is, despite your best laid plans, you just never know.

Disney Post #1: The Thrill Rides

2010-02-16T14:10:54Z

I got back from Disney World last night and am, this morning, experiencing Post Disney Blues. I am sure this is a legitimate condition because after 5 days at full throttle sensory stimulation, reality is a real downer. Every morning the kids would spring out of bed with a smile and every night (and the nights were late) they would fall asleep exhausted and happy after a day of Disney magic. Today? Not so much. Dragging them out of bed is an understatement.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I hadn't been to Disney in a long, long time and my kids had never been so this was new for all of us. What really struck me about our time at Disney was the whole "experience". Each ride. Each restaurant. Each hotel. Everything is a full experience. Not just a ride or a movie or a tour. For example, when waiting in line at the Tower of Terror (which, btw, is AWESOME), Disney set the stage and created a Twilight Zone theme that had you shaking long before you got on the ride. This is something I haven't experienced anywhere else and something my kids could not get enough of.

Telling you about Disney in one post is hard. So, I decided to break it up by specific experience. Below you will find a few of our trip highlights but just the thrill rides. I will post some of our other faves here over the next little while as well as posting in Travel Reviews as soon as I wrap my head around all of the Disney goodness. In the meantime...

Disney Thrill Rides:

The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror at Hollywood Studios. Loved. This. Ride. It was haunted house meets Drop Tower. Plus, it was scarier the second time. Don't believe me? Check out me and Globetrotting Mama and our kids in the front row:

Yes, I think you can see right down my throat but man was it fun.

Next was the Rock N' Roller Coaster where you rock out to Aerosmith in the dark on a fast-paced looping coaster. Awesome.

My daughter just squeaked by on the height requirement and gave this ride a cool thumbs up.

And who could forget this classic? Magic Kingdom's Space Mountain still thrills.

So fun! My ride-crazy-adrenaline-junkie kids sure got their fill. Check out other thrill rides below we really loved:

* Test Track at Epcot. Again, it is the whole experience. Have a car lover in the family or just love to go really fast? Total fun.

* Although not as high adrenaline as some of the others, Soarin' at Epcot was one of our favourites. The experience of soaring over beautiful landscapes and experiencing it with every sense. Amazing.

* How can getting chased through the mountains by a Yedi not be a rush? We loved Animal Kingdom's Expedition Everest.

* Also at Animal Kingdom was a journey through time back to the days of the dinosaurs. Dinosaur was a hit with the kids. Lots of dinos popping out at you and rugged terrain.

Have you done Disney? What are your favourite thrill rides?

It Ain't 1979. Disney 2010!

2010-02-09T19:49:26Z

I'm lucky in so many ways. I have great friends, a fabulous family, and, despite the crazy hours, I have a pretty cool gig here at UrbanMoms. This week the coolness is maximized: I get to take my kids to Disney World! This is an experience on every kids' wish list. And as a parent I am really excited for them. I remember going to Disney World as a kid and it was pure magic. The rush of Space Mountain, the Main Street Parades, the fireworks. I can't wait to share it with my kids. And now that it's 2010 and not 1979 I'm sure the thrill will be beyond our wildest imaginings.

I am so excited to be staying here:

Animal Kingdom Lodge where wild animals roam outside your room and the wilderness extends indoors. Awesome.

Top of our list of things to do are the thrill rides like The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror:

Gah! I can't wait! Terror awaits around every corner!

Then, Expedition Everest. Who doesn't want to be chased by a Yeti? I do and so do my kids!

Of course we will do tons of other stuff and I promise I will revisit Small World and have another go at Epcot and check out some of the cool stuff at Disney's Hollywood Studios too. Keep reading or join the UrbanMoms fan page on facebook or follow me on Twitter @Jen_Maier to get the latest.

And please, send me your recommendations. What should we definitely do at Disney?

Puck That

2010-02-04T13:52:56Z

I guess I am a hockey mom. My son plays competitive hockey and now my 7 year-old daughter is hockey obsessed. All they ever want to do is play mini-sticks or shinny and every morning they get on the computer and give us the lowdown on the previous night's NHL games. But me? I don't really watch hockey, aside from my kids'. It is not that I don't like it but more that there are other things I would rather be doing with my time. So, for someone who is not a lover of the game I sure spent a good portion of my week around hockey.

When Ford Canada invited me to a Leaf's game to meet some other writers and some Ford staff I felt guilty taking the opportunity away from my kids and my husband. Even my dad tried to convince me he should be the one to attend the game. I'm not sure a 70+ year-old man would be a great representative of UrbanMoms Auto Reviews section. But kudos to him for trying. So, I went and man am I glad I did! I haven't been to a Leaf's game in over 10 years and never like this. This, my friends, is how to watch hockey:

THAT is the view from my seat! Can you believe it? It was so exciting to watch the game practically on the rink. And, amazingly, the Leafs won 3-0 against the New Jersey Devils. My one instruction from my son before I left was "get a picture of Phaneuf". It was his first game so I promised I would try. Well, as my seat was right beside the penalty box I got this:

Not quite close enough? OK. I'll lean in a bit and get this:

Man was my son jealous. But it was really fun. Plus, the obnoxious, drunk guy in front of me who we nicknamed The King of The Universe swore at me and the very fun mom and food writer Theresa Albert. It was awesome that he got his comeuppance when a puck hit him in the head. This head:

And then I almost caught it...before dropping it down the crack never to be seen again.

But my hockey adventures don't end there! Nope. As every hockey mom who already spends far too much time at a rink should do I spent the next night at the Hockey Hall of Fame for the launch of Dove's new men's line of products, Men+Care with my hubby and the always fun Jennifer from Trend Watch and her man. The best part of the night? Jen and I beat our hubbies at the shoot out competition. See Jennifer celebrate her perfect score:

But now it's back to regular scheduled programming...my kids'!

The Truth About Being a Mom Entrepreneur

2010-02-01T17:10:16Z

First of all I want to start this post by saying that I absolutely love what I do. I have run UrbanMoms for 5 years and it has been an amazing journey. I look back on it and can't believe how much I have learned. However, this post was inspired by my need to share the truth about being a mom entrepreneur. This entry is really inspired but all of you wonderfully optimistic, grass-is-always-greener folks who look at my life with longing. More than daily I have people telling me how lucky I am to work for myself, how awesome it must be to have so much flexibility and how envious they are of me and my obviously silver-lined existence. By writing this post I am not complaining or feeling sorry for myself but I need to set the record straight. I feel the need to clarify some things about my reality before some of you I have been speaking to decide to make the jump yourselves. So, here goes:

Five years ago I made a decision to take a giant leap of faith and start my own business. I had a good job in marketing at a good company with a good boss. But, I had a hell of a commute, I felt a distance from my kids and I had what I thought was a solid business idea that really excited me. What I know now is that I had no real clue what I was getting myself into and, if I had, I might have thought twice. Peering through rose coloured glasses it all seemed so simple and romantic. I would run a small business making enough to contribute financially to the family and I would work when it was convenient. I would keep busy enough to be satisfied, and spend the rest of every happy day with my kids involved in their lives in ways I hadn't been able to be working outside the home. Ahhh. I would get more relaxed just dreaming about it.

But, the reality was much, much different. The first few months were some of the most stressful of my life. I had no idea how to run a business, get it set up, sell my ideas. I was small and people wanted big. No one had even heard of blogs and social networking. I had no idea how to keep my books, design a website, send out mass emails. Everything took 10 times as long as I expected and cost way more. I had no time for my kids and family because figuring all of this out took up all of my time but I had no money to pay for childcare. With my office at home I was both stay-at-home mom and working mom trying to balance two full-time jobs. I would work into the wee hours or once my husband got home. I did everything myself, all of the time. I worked while on vacation, during the holidays, on the weekends, in the evenings. There were no breaks. We were tight for cash and my kids couldn't understand why I was home but unavailable to them. I had no accounting department to call to ask questions or follow-up on late payments, no IT guy to figure out my computer problems, no one to file my papers, sort my mail or write my press releases. There was no one to set up my phone system and no team members to rely on to brainstorm my marketing plan or bounce ideas off of.

Speaking of team members, on top of doing all of the logistical and practical business stuff on my own, I was completely and totally alone in every other way. I had no one to talk to. There was no one who understood my business, who came up with ideas, who shared my disappointment or celebrated my victories. Even more difficult for someone who needs human contact was the fact that I had no one popping by my office to chat or asking me to go out for lunch. I was alone and for a long while, I was lonely.

Then, the business started to see some success. I would have thought this would help my stress level but things just got crazier. At what point can I afford to hire someone to help? What are my priorities for the business because I can't possibly do it all? Where do I invest in the business to ensure its continued success? How do I balance all of this and meet my initial objective of spending more time with my family?

So, five years later and many of these questions have been answered but many new ones have been added. Now I have lots of support. I have some awesome writers and some great staff but, the truth is, the weight of it is still on my shoulders. I am the one up until 1am writing a pitch or fixing a problem and then up the rest of the night worrying about it. If we have an unexpected issue I have to deal with it. If we have unexpected costs I have to figure out how to cover these costs and still pay my staff. Sometimes that means I can't pay myself because the money is best spent on the business.

Recently I hired a new staff member. She is a friend I have known for 10 years. We have spent tons of time together and she has been a good friend throughout the growth of my business. However, upon coming on board, she was absolutely floored during her first few weeks to see that behind the scenes things are a lot different than how they appear from the outside. We have major processes in place, we use tons of different technologies to support our business, everything has multiple steps and stages, there are different facets to the business and tons of people involved, there are endless emails and phone calls and inquiries and issues. Life behind the scenes at UrbanMoms is beyond busy and it is beyond busy all of the time. My friend was amazed at how much went on and, in her words, how crazy my schedule is. Despite the fact that we had been friends for all of these years she had no idea.

That brings me back to why I wrote this post in the first place. I can see why so many businesses fail. It is not because the idea was bad or the person was bad at it but it is because being an entrepreneur (and a mom) is really freakin' hard work. Every business has tons of Crap to deal with and when you are working for someone else you can hand the Crap over to someone else in the Crap Department and you can go home at night knowing that your Crap is being dealt with so you just need to focus on doing your job. But when it is your own business every piece of Crap is yours and I can see how it can be overwhelming and for some it may not be worth it. Plus, balance is a joke. Ask any mom period but especially a mom who runs her own business. I work way more hours than I ever worked for someone else. I have to because there is no one else to do it but me. So, if I want my business to succeed, which I obviously do, I have to get it done whenever and however I can.

Now, that is the dark side and, believe me, sometimes it can be very dark but, strangely, I wouldn't trade it for anything. The crazy hours, the Crap, the irregular pay cheque, the stress. You know why? Because I did it. I earned it. And although it isn't perfect, it is mine.

Pressure or Life Lessons?

2010-01-25T15:17:43Z

I love this photo. For one thing I think it is photographically really cool but also, it captures such a joyful moment. My son plays competitive hockey and on this particular occasion they had won the tournament they had entered. The weekend had been jam packed with fun, camaraderie, adventure and a whole bunch of hockey. A dream for my 10 year-old guy.

But now, as any hockey parent knows, we are getting into the Season of the Unknown. This time of year is when it starts and it won't be over until tryouts are done and your child has a spot on a team. It is now when the coaches start to hint as to whether your child has what it takes, is on the bubble, or may need to start looking elsewhere. It can be very stressful for parents and for kids as you ride the wave looking ahead but not always sure what the future holds.

My husband and I are a bit divided about this. Yes, it is stressful. I don't like the unknown. But I also see it as an opportunity. My husband? Not so much. He thinks it is too stressful for a kid and too much pressure. I feel that this is a great opportunity for kids to learn about a) choices b) disappointment and c) hard work. I don't like the fact that my guy wants to stay on his team but may not make it back next year. I want him to have what he wants. However, life is not like that and why not learn it now when he has a soft place to fall?

Don't get me wrong, I think my son should make it back to his team next year because, well, in my unbiased opinion, he's awesome. But I'm no hockey expert so I can't say how the coaches see it. He, like most of the kids, have been told there are things he needs to work on so we have had lots of chats about whether he thinks he can do these things and whether he wants to put in the work necessary to getting them done. He has decided he can and he does. What a great opportunity to prove to himself that he is capable. This is about him. This is about taking constructive feedback and making a choice. Do you listen or not? Do you value the feedback or not? Do you want to work hard to do what it takes or not? Do you want to risk disappointment or not? These are real life lessons that my boy gets to practice now. We will support him regardless but the decision has to be his.

My son chose to play competitive sports so now he has to deal with the reality. If he can't or doesn't want to then that is OK too. He has learned something. But if he does then he has learned that he is capable and a whole slew of other wonderful things too. The reason I feel that a little pressure, a little competition, and a little responsibility are all good is because he will learn so much about himself and his abilities and what makes him happy now so he won't be stuck figuring it out as an adult. My husband, on the other hand, is worried. He's worried that it's too much pressure, competition, responsibility, and, potentially, disappointment for a kid. He will have to deal with these things in adulthood, why put it on a child?

So, we talk to our son and use him as the compass. For now, he wants to do it. He says he is prepared to deal with all of it and feels confident in his ability to cope whatever direction this goes in. We support him and will be there as a soft place should he fall.

I'm newborn tired...but I don't have a newborn

2010-01-21T22:49:10Z

OMG am I tired. Like up every 1/2 hour tired. Like sleeping with one ear open tired. Like rubbing the back of a puking, retching, heaving child for 36 hours tired. This is the kind of tired where you can't find words. You know they're in there but you can't access them or form a cohesive sentence. This is the kind of tired where you get record low scores on Bejeweled Blitz on facebook because you needed 5 minutes to do something simply mindless and it turns out Bejeweled Blitz actually requires a certain level of consciousness. This is newborn tired. Except you don't have a newborn and now you know why you will never, ever have a newborn again.

This is the tired moms are made of. This is the tired I would only, ever do for my kids. For this little sweetheart who suffered for 2 days and lost 6 lbs from her already skinny little body.

*Note the puke bowl in the background. Just moments before she was asleep IN the bowl. Poor thing.

My New Love

2010-01-19T16:53:02Z

As soon as I saw you I knew I loved you. You are so cool. You are so easy to get along with and easily interact with others. I have had a crush on you for a while now. I was tied down before but now I'm free and we can be together. I know the excitement will wear off but I don't think my love and appreciation will ever dim. I am just starting to learn about you and all of the wonderful things you are capable of. You amaze me. We're so happy when we're together.

Me and my new iPhone ;)

UPDATE: I Think My Cleaning Lady Reads My Blog

2010-01-14T16:21:02Z

Oh my god. OMG. I am dying here. Hyperventilating. I THINK MY CLEANING LADY READS MY BLOG. Or at least someone she knows maybe does. Or maybe, hopefully I'm being paranoid. But listen to what happened...

9:52am: The phone rings. I am distracted and answer with an impatient "hello". Silence. A hesitated "yes...Jen?". Who the...? Oh. Oh my. It is my cleaning lady. But my cleaning lady never calls me. She has never, ever once called me. Oh no. Oh crap. OK. Calm down. "Oh hi. How are you?" and all the other niceties. And then she says "I'm sorry. I think I made a mistake the other day. I only worked 5.5 hours, not 6.5 hours. I just realized and wanted to tell you. I'm really sorry." Oh crap. She read it. She must have. She knows. "Oh yeah. I thought so. No worries. Thanks for calling. Bye." I'm seriously sweating bullets now.

Plus, I feel terrible. Really bad. And guilty. There is an off chance that it was just a coincidence and she suddenly realized it but, really, that is not very likely. So now I feel awful. Because I think she must feel awful.

I suck.