Mom's The Word

Mom's The Word tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2009-04-01:/moms_the_word/34 2012-01-31T20:14:44Z Jen, mom of 2, marketer, and founder of urbanmoms.ca, philosophizes about modern day mothering, social media marketing, and the true value of community at her blog: Mom's The Word. You can also follow me as @Jen_Maier on twitter. Movable Type Pro 4.37 What is wrong with people?! tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11588 2012-01-31T17:12:27Z 2012-01-31T20:14:44Z

The other day I was at Starbucks (I know, I know...) getting my morning fix. I love Starbucks. Especially the one at the end of my street. I have said many times that it is like my Cheers, you know,...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

The other day I was at Starbucks (I know, I know...) getting my morning fix. I love Starbucks. Especially the one at the end of my street. I have said many times that it is like my Cheers, you know, where everybody knows your name and I am so grateful for this. When I first started my own business Starbucks was my respite and, some days, the gang at Starbucks were my only human contact during business hours.

On this particular day I was waiting at the bar for my drink. As usual, there was a huge crowd so I chatted with my favourite barista (Hi D!) while she steamed and brewed and poured. D is the best when it comes to service with a smile. She is genuine and funny and personable. She always remembers the details of her customer's lives and makes friendly chatter while people wait.

While we chatted a woman came up to the bar and started speaking right through our conversation.

"Where's my latte? Is it next?"

D turned to her with a smile and said, "Yup. Coming right up."

"And the kids' hot chocolate? Where is that? I've been waiting a while you know and my kids are getting impatient."

"It's here too. Just pouring the milk." D patiently responded.

"The milk isn't going to be too hot, is it?"

D turns to her customer and says, "It is 120o..."

Before she could even finish the woman interrupts with a snicker, "Well, what does that mean? Is it going to be hot or not?"

"It won't be as hot as an adult drink. It is the same temperature as a kid's hot chocolate usually is if you've ever had one before. We don't make the kids drinks very hot."

D hands over the woman's drinks and she walks away with neither a thank you or even eye contact. I look at D and I feel this embarrassment searing through me. I apologize on her behalf. I apologize for every one of us on this side of the counter who has ever treated her that way.

D smiles and says, "Yah. You put an apron on and suddenly people think you are less-than." (Actually, she said something far more profound but I can't remember her wise words exactly.)

And you know what? I know she's right. I have seen it happen many, many times. Not just at Starbucks but anywhere people are served by someone else. Even people I know and even a few I call friends have a tendency to talk down to service people and I am sick of it. D brightens my day. She smiles and jokes and works hard. She is a young woman on a path to a very bright future. She is in school and just starting her life. She is smart and funny. She has friends and a family just like we do.

But when she puts that apron on everything changes. To that lady D immediately became some faceless barista who is there to serve at all cost without feeling. She is expected to smile and patiently ignore rudeness and happily take on the side effects of other people's moods. This is not about good or bad service, this is about human decency and respect.

I want that woman and all the other people who are rude and unappreciative to someone providing a service to know that your tone, it doesn't go unnoticed. Not to D, her colleagues, or the other customers waiting patiently and gratefully to be served. So, just remember, next time you are greeted by a smiling friendly face serving you coffee, there is a real person behind that smile and they are working hard to serve you well. I implore you to smile back and brighten their day by being kind.

Have you ever experienced this? What did you do?

]]> Loss: When they grow up. tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11570 2012-01-27T17:25:51Z 2012-01-27T18:07:47Z

My son is 12 years/old. In a few months he will be a teenager. He is a really great kid, a good human being. I am proud of him and love him to bits. But things are changing. They are...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/ Needed me.

In the last few months things have changed and I am really struggling. The truth is, I miss him. I know very little about his life and he wants it that way. He is happy but I am left with this void. The game has changed and I am scrambling to learn the rules. I know this is normal. He is becoming independent and figuring out the man he will one day be. He is growing away from me as he should. That is, after-all, my job as his parent; to prepare him to stand on his own, capable and strong. I guess I am doing my job well.

Me and my boy.

Is a mother ever ready for this? Are we ever ready for our child whose life has been so intertwined in ours for so many years to start to find his own way? I am so proud of him. I am thrilled he is so capable. I see him making decisions for himself where I would have (and did) falter at his age. I see his confidence and strong sense of himself. I admire him.

But I also feel the loss. The loss of my baby, yes, but also of a relationship that is changing when maybe I am not quite ready. I know I can't go back but maybe if I had known how quickly and completely it would shift I would have taken one more hug or one more midnight cuddle or one more scraped knee that only mommy could fix. I wouldn't have rushed through it impatiently eager for him to "grow out of it" because now that he has it feels like a sucker punch right in the gut.

I feel it every time I ask him a question and I get an evasive one word answer or a blank screen or an irritated "Mom" in response. I feel it with every secret and every bit of his life I don't know. And there are many. I feel it when something happens and he turns away from me and toward a friend instead. I feel it not because I am suspicious or worried but simply because I miss knowing him.

]]> Were we doing that in Grade 7?! tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11526 2012-01-17T17:22:49Z 2012-01-17T19:42:01Z

This year, for me, is a whole new journey in parenting. My son is in grade 7 and for the first time I am able to personally relate to his experiences. I distinctly remember what grade 7 was like and...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/
But grade 7 is different. I distinctly remember how it felt. I remember the physical changes, the emotional angst, the insecurities and the hormonal breakdowns. I remember the awkwardness, the crushes and the peer pressure. I remember my friendships and my changing relationship with my parents. I remember the dances, the boy/girl parties, and the developing curiosity around the opposite sex.

Me at 13.

In so many ways being able to relate to your children is a good thing. But there are a few things I struggle with during this time of great change. Sometimes when I see what my boy is dealing with my initial reaction is to view it through my 12 year old eyes. I have found myself projecting how my experiences were at 12 or 13 onto what he is going through. The problem with this is twofold: 1) He is not me. And 2) This doesn't help. Not only is he a different kid in a different time but he needs his mother's perspective and wisdom. If he needed a friend he would turn to one.

Another toughie is that, although I have tons of memories and remember a lot from grade 7 it was nearly 30 (gulp) years ago and I may have forgotten a thing or two. On a daily basis my friends and I say to each other, "Did we do that in grade 7?" In other words, "Is this normal for a 12 year old?!" Some of the things we hear are both shocking and scary. Our kids still seem like babies to us (as I'm sure we did to our parents) but they are doing, or at least talking about, some pretty grown-up stuff.

But, after lengthy discussions, we come to the same conclusion every time. Yes, we were doing those things, or at least talking about them, in grade 7. The biggest difference? Our parents were, for the most part, in the dark. There was no facebook post for another mom to happen upon, no text messages to get wind of, no inappropriate BBM status update reported back by someone being "helpful". There were very few ways our parents could find out our goings on even if they wanted to. But it certainly didn't mean we weren't doing things.

What it means is that we as parents are faced with more information and, therefore, more decisions. That our kids and their choices are out there for everyone to see. Is this bad? In some ways yes. In some ways no. It helps if you are concerned or suspicious but can hinder your child's journey to independence and, let's face it, some things we just don't need to know.

What do you think? Are we better off knowing? Were you up to "things", or at least talking about them, in grade 7?

]]> Why do I do it? tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11505 2012-01-12T21:00:42Z 2012-01-12T22:05:29Z

As many of you know, my amazing, loving, kindhearted mother died too soon two and a half years ago. When she died she had 5 grandchildren, my son was the oldest and the youngest was a baby born while she...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

My mom never got to meet her grandson and barely got to see her youngest granddaughter. And even when she did she was so sick. While I long for her to see my kids as they grow, I am lucky. My kids had years with Grandma. Years of that special, unique and unconditional love. I have pictures of my children with Grandma, anecdotes and funny little stories to remind them of their time with her. I have books gifted by her with a personal note just for that very special little person in her life.

Grandma reading to my kids.

And for me, I had her too, to lean on, to laugh with, to depend on. I had someone in my life who thought my kids were even more amazing than I did. She was there to show me on those days when I was struggling to see it, just exactly what was so very lovable about them. I have my memories. So many memories of Grandma reading to them before bed, dancing in the living room, going on adventures and walks in the woods.

Was this enough? No way. But it was something.

My sister Allyson, with her two babies, never had this. I am sad for her that she doesn't have her mother and I am sad for her children that they never got to know the world's best Grandma and I am sad for my mom that she is missing it all.

Her baby granddaughter could always bring a smile to her face.

Early on after my mom's death I made a decision. I couldn't replace her but I knew I had to do something. I thought that maybe I could give my sister a little bit of what I had had from my mom. And I could give her children a taste of what they were missing.

Since then I have developed a very special relationship with my niece and nephew. One that is more than just the average Aunt. And, I have done what I can to support my sister in ways that I know my mom would have had she been here.

Recently I was talking about some of the things I had done with the kids and someone said to me, "You know, you don't have to do these things. Your sister doesn't expect you to." I just looked at them. Of course I didn't have to. Of course she didn't expect it. I never felt that I had to do any of this. Honestly, I am not good at sticking with anything I don't want to do so that was never my motivation. I do these things because I want to. For my sister, for the kids, and for my mom.

But mostly I do it for myself. I have a very close relationship with these two special people and it is just mine. When Mommy and Daddy aren't around (and even sometimes when they are) the kids turn to me. We cuddle, get silly, read a book and dance together. I give them special books with a note inside just for them. We go to music class together, just the three of us, once a week and I smile and laugh watching them knowing my mom would have loved every moment of it. Tomorrow I will hang out with the baby while Daddy and his Big Girl check out her new preschool.

Me with my nephew and niece at our weekly music class.

I am so fortunate. I have these two special little people who love me to pieces. I get to be the person who sneaks them a taste of ice cream after Mommy says "no" or carries them when they don't feel like walking. My niece and I even have our own inside jokes and games and I know how to soothe them when they are sad and snuggle them off to sleep.

Now do you see? Do you understand? I don't do this because I have to. I do this because what I get back is far, far greater than what I put in.

]]> 2012 - My Promise to Myself tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11492 2012-01-09T14:44:49Z 2012-01-09T16:10:49Z

Although it is already January 9th for me it is Day 1 of the New Year. Today is the first day back at school and the first day in weeks that I have sat at my desk without interruption. Today...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

Many people talk resolutions at this time of year but for the last few years I have approached this time a bit differently. Instead of self-improvement and reflective criticism I like to look ahead and make promises on how I will be better to myself. Instead of, "Hey fatso. You spent last year overindulging and it is time to smarten up!" I prefer to look back and reflect on what brought me joy and what helped me to learn and grow. And then make plans to add more of this to my life in the coming year.

For example, last year I made a promise to myself to focus more on relationships that lifted me up, friendships that were mutually beneficial. I wanted to spend my time with people who brought positive things to my life and where I felt I was contributing positive things to them. I had wasted many years on friendships that sucked me dry. Where the two of us fought hard to maintain a friendship that was not a positive force for either of us. I wanted to shift all of that wasted energy and use it to build relationships that added something to my life. This was not only good for me but for everyone in my life.

Stepping back from a friendship can be very difficult. I had to prepare myself for hurt feelings and judgment. But if losing my mother taught me one thing it is that how you live your life rests solely on your shoulders. You can be passive and let things happen to you and worry about what other people will think. You can let others decide your path and guide your life for you while you sit on the sidelines pointing fingers and placing blame. Or you can take control and be the one calling the shots. I had decided to love myself for who I am, not worry about other people's judgment and take control. It was not easy but I am getting better and better at it with practice and it has freed up so much time and energy.

So, that takes me to this year. My promise to myself for 2012 is similar. It goes along with the theme of getting rid of negative stresses and focusing on the positive, of using my energy to add value and good things to my life instead of wasting it on things that aren't working.

I have decided this year not to do anything I don't want to do. OK, that is not totally true. I still have to do laundry, cook dinner, file my taxes, pay the bills. But these things are required. What I mean is that I will no longer do things I don't want to if I have the choice. I will no longer do something because I feel guilty or because I think I should.

In fact, I have already come up against this in the first week of the New Year. I was invited to attend an event that, in the past, I would have attended because I felt obligated. At the same time missing the precious time I have at home with my family. I turned it down and enjoyed cheering my son on at his hockey game.

I was also approached about a new project from a client that I turned down. I knew that I was not the right person for the job and that I really didn't enjoy this type of work so I called on a friend who I know would be the perfect fit and referred her. A missed opportunity? Maybe. But I won't be wasting a speck of energy on something I don't enjoy.

Maybe I'm crazy. I guess we'll find out. But at least I'll be happy!

What do you think about my promise to myself? Have you made any for 2012?

]]> My Favourite Moments tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2012:/moms_the_word//34.11473 2012-01-03T17:38:37Z 2012-01-03T22:59:48Z

There were many amazing experiences in 2011 and a few of them I was even able to capture on film. So, here is a review of my favourite moments from 2011 and a wish for even more in 2012!This is...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

This is my favourite photo of 2011. It is of my niece in February when I visited them in the UK. I am SO thrilled that 2011 saw them move to Toronto! Now I get to see this face all the time:

Happy New Year!

]]> Holiday Wine Recommendations from the Expert tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11409 2011-12-20T10:39:12Z 2011-12-21T04:15:18Z

If you are like me you entertain far more and attend far more parties during the Holiday Season than any other time of year. One of my go-to items for a host gift is a bottle of wine and it...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/ far more and attend far more parties during the Holiday Season than any other time of year. One of my go-to items for a host gift is a bottle of wine and it is great to shake things up and try something new. But often I don't know where to start and with the chaos of the season I don't have time to spend researching the hot wines for the Holidays. Well, now you won't have to because we went straight to the expert!

We were lucky enough to get the scoop on this season's wines straight from wine expert, Nick Keukenmeester:

Originally from Adelaide, South Australia, Nick joined Lifford Wine Agency in Toronto, Canada to head up their Private Client Sales department in 2007.

Prior to joining Lifford, Nick spent six years working in the wine trade in London, England.

Nick holds a Diploma in Wines and Spirits from the UK's Wine and Spirits Education Trust and now lectures for them here in Toronto with the Independant Wine Education Guild. Nick lives with his wife and young son in Toronto, Canada.

He sucks at golf and ice-skating, but keeps trying in order to fit in.

We asked Nick for recommendations on 3 reds and 3 whites and tasting recommendations that will please any pallet.

Here are Nick's Tasting Notes:

Villa Sandi Prosecco - Who doesn't love bubbles? Great for mimosas on Christmas morning. Citrus notes and hints of ripe golden apple, the dry, fresh and clean sensation on the palate is followed by a fruity aftertaste. Also an excellent aperitif to accompany savouries, with steamed shellfish, or as the principal ingredient for Bellini's, or Sunday Brunch.

SM Pinot Grigio - Easy drinking white. This dry white wine has a straw yellow color. Its clean, intense aroma and bone-dry taste (with an appealing flavor of Golden Delicious apples) make Santa Margherita's Pinot Grigio a wine of great personality and versatility. Excellent as an aperitif, and ideal with seafood salads or pasta and rice dishes based on fish and shellfish. Also perfect with white meats, boiled or grilled fish and soufflés.

Ironstone Obsession - Highly aromatic with a touch of sweetness. Obsession Symphony is an ideal complement to many types of cuisine, especially ones that are on the spicy side. Obsession is exceptional with Pad Thai or other Thai dishes. The hot curry found in Indian cuisine is cooled by Obsession's fresh fruit flavors. It's also a great choice with grilled fruits.

Negrar Ripasso - Classic Italian elegance. Its colour reveals a strong ruby red with hints of violet. Its bouquet is complex aromas of red fruits, vinous and spicy. The flavour is well balanced, full-bodied, velvet-smooth with harmonious tannins. Best served at a temperature of 18°-19°C in very large glasses. Uncork the bottle at least 1 hour prior to serving. A fine companion for all meat dishes, both grilled and braised and also good with farmhouse cheeses.

Red Knot Cabernet Sauvignon - Big red with a fun Zork closure. Deep red. Dark cherry conserve, cassis and cranberry fruit aromas along with hints of mint chocolate and roasted coffee lift from the glass. The richly structured, full-bodied palate is filled with ripe blackberry flavours and textured with velvety tannins and lingering French oak. Fresh acidity complements the long, sweet fruit finish, resulting in a wine with immediate appeal and varietal presence.

Junior Shiraz - Smooth, easy drinking full-bodied red. Bright black fruits on the nose with a subtle spice component. The palate is rich with firm savoury tannins and a long, generous finish. Drink with barbecued eye fillet, served with pan seared mushrooms, green beans and creamy potato mash.

Fabulous suggestions! A wine for every taste. And here's your chance to win a Gift Basket from Lifford Wines. Just comment below and let us know whether you are a red, white or bubbly and tell me why!

You must sign-in to enter so we know how to get in touch with you. Click here to join.

Click here for Contest Rules and Regulations.

The contest closes on December 22, 2011.

The prizing was provided by Lifford Wines.

]]> The Responsibility is Ours tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11370 2011-12-13T08:00:10Z 2011-12-12T19:12:59Z

When I first started UrbanMoms I produced most of the content myself but once the Go2Girlz were developed and we began our Product Testing program much of what was written was contributed by others. Then we added our community of...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/ Go2Girlz were developed and we began our Product Testing program much of what was written was contributed by others. Then we added our community of bloggers and now the vast majority of what is written on UrbanMoms is contributed by the community itself.

So, when a brand comes to us and says they would like to submit their product for testing or represent their brand somehow on UrbanMoms we take this very seriously. We have turned down brands that we simply don't think fit well or believe bring little value to the community members.

There are times we instantly know that a product is a great fit and will be well received. However, much of the time we aren't familiar with the product specifically or have never used or tried it. In these cases it is critical that we become familiar in order to find the best way for the product or brand to add value to the community. So, what do we do in those cases? The strategy varies depending on the type of product but I will give you a recent example:

The Project: A few months ago we were called on by Chef Boyardee. They were looking to talk to members about the versatility of their product, introduce recipes and get feedback from the Go2Girlz. Of course, we were all familiar with the brand but none of us in the office had tried Chef or prepared it recently. We were not only curious about the product but also wanted to make sure it was a good fit for Canadian moms and that we identified the best way for the brand to work within UrbanMoms.

Ready to serve at our meeting!

The Approach: The first thing we needed to do was try Chef Boyardee ourselves. So, Carol, Leslie and I cooked up an office lunch and served it up for the tasting. I will not lie, I was hesitant. I remember the Chef products from when I was a kid but, for whatever reason, had not considered them for my family.

Before we tucked into our team lunch we discussed the product, its ingredients and the various recipes provided by Chef. We were all more than impressed to learn that there were no preservatives. I mean, most of us like to have a few convenient, tasty foods up our sleeve for busy evenings so this was a huge bonus compared to many of the others we had all been relying on.

But the real test was, what did we think? Would we serve it to our families? Would we feel good about sending it out to moms across the country?

Leslie at her desk ready to dig in.

Now it's time for me and Carol to eat up!

So, what did we think? We were actually really excited to recommend this product for the Go2Girlz to review. We all agreed that it was very tasty, the texture was surprisingly hearty and the ingredients made us feel good about using it ourselves. We knew that this would be news to some of our members too so it was a perfect fit.

It is important to us that we stand behind the products we represent. Every product may not be for everyone but we know that, like us, most moms enjoy hearing the opinions and recommendations of other moms more than an ad by a brand.

It was a thumbs up from the UrbanMoms team for a quick, hearty and easy meal you can feel good about serving!

Check out Chantel's post for more recipes and a chance to win a $200 President's Choice gift card and more! For more great recipes visit Chef Boyardee's facebook page.

]]> Necessity Breeds Invention aka Endless Hunger Begets a Chef tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11333 2011-12-06T16:10:32Z 2011-12-06T18:44:15Z

My son is 12. He is over 5'5" and maybe 100lbs. His feet are size 10+ and growing rapidly. This kid is on the fast track to super tall thanks to his parents. My husband is 6'4". At 5'11" myself...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

As most of you know, I am no chef. Not even close. So when my son started his constant need for food I was at a loss. Three square meals a day plus the odd snack seemed sufficient until recently but now we have been working through massive snacks and two dinners, one early and one late. My biggest nightmare!

So, we let necessity breed invention and my son became a chef! He started small with melted cheese on toast and yogurt with muesli but has since moved on to mac & cheese, mini pizzas, grilled cheese and pasta. With some fruit and veg and a big glass of milk these quick and easy meals are a life saver!

When UrbanMoms did a Go2Girlz Product Testing program with Chef Boyardee my boy decided this was his next culinary adventure. I was thrilled to see that unlike the instant noodles and mac & cheese he enjoys the Chef products had zero preservatives and, along with being easy, had a list of ingredients I could feel good about.

Well, how did it go? See for yourself!

Reading the directions (as any novice chef should).

Getting it started.

Snazzing it up with a little parmesan cheese.

~~Goofing off~~ Posing with the finished product.

Feeding the beast. A chef is born!

As your kids grow what do you do to encourage independence?

Check out Chantel's post for more recipes and a chance to win a $200 President's Choice gift card and more!

]]> Azul Fives Resort, The Mayan Riviera - Our Transat Holidays Experience tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11279 2011-11-29T19:13:56Z 2011-11-29T19:28:40Z

As I mentioned before, my family and I were invited to test out Transat Holidays for ourselves and write about our experiences. On occasion we have booked our travel through a full service travel provider but never through Transat Holidays...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/ As I mentioned before, my family and I were invited to test out Transat Holidays for ourselves and write about our experiences. On occasion we have booked our travel through a full service travel provider but never through Transat Holidays and usually we book directly. I was looking forward to experiencing this one-stop-shop from start to finish to see what we discovered. We do a lot of travel. A LOT. So I knew that we were a good fit for the assignment.

Now let's be honest, a trip to the Mayan Riviera in Mexico could hardly be a bomb. That wasn't the point. The point was to go through the process and write about what we thought. So, that is what I prepared myself for. Throughout our trip I took notice of when I felt Transat Holidays made a difference. I was prepared for it to be both good and bad. And I was prepared to be honest.

Here is what I found:

1. The Air Transat Kids Club: Sometimes it is the little things that make the biggest difference and this program did just that! We received the Kids Club package in the mail in advance of our trip. Inside we found information, bag tags, free snack vouchers and more.

What the kids found of greatest value? The snack vouchers and the package with games, earphones and a few extras when they got on the flight. A little VIP treatment never hurt anyone.

What the parents found of greatest value? Two really, REALLY fabulous things that every parent will value - the Kids Club priority check in at the airport (see pic to the left) and the Priority baggage. We were treated like Option Plus flyers and had our own check in line at the airport and when our flight arrived in Toronto at 2am and our baggage was first off thanks to Kids Club priority baggage? I could not have been more grateful for this program!

2. Air Transat: As I said, we travel a lot and I have experienced so many airlines I can't even count. These days I find them all pretty similar, basic offerings and decent service. However, my husband and I both commented on the great service we received on Air Transat. The flight attendants actually seemed eager to meet the needs of the passengers with a genuine smile. Plus, everyone on the flight got a hot meal and a glass of wine.

3. Excursions: We usually do an excursion or two when we are away. I like to get out of the resort and experience the local area. Planning this on one's own can be tough. Vetting out the reputable firms and ensuring that the experience is what you want can be challenging. I really appreciated the fact that Transat Holidays had done this work for us. Instead of a needle in the haystack approach we had a few great options to choose from.

Check it out:

Getting ready for snorkeling at Xel-Ha.

Cliff Jumping at Xel-Ha.

Climbing to the top of the Mayan ruins in Coba.

Rappelling into the depths of the earth into a cenote!

4. Azul Fives Resort: Again the one-stop-shop really helps when you have a sense of where you want to go but don't know exactly where you want to stay. Transat Hollidays had done all the work for us. You can check out the different resorts and their amenities and compare them right on the site. Our priorities? Roomy accommodation, a small to mid-sized resort, a variety of restaurants, at least 4 star and, most importantly, a kids club. We ended up staying at the new and beautiful Azul Fives Resort and it met all of our needs.

Kids Club? Check:

The Kids Club was a hit with my 8 year-old!

Our 2 bedroom suite was a) gorgeous! and b) bigger than my whole house.

The living/dining/kitchen room in our suite. Fabulous!

The best part? The new friends we met at the resort all the way from Calgary ;)

5. Airport Transfer: I am of two minds on this, our transfer from the Cancun airport to our hotel was a total milk run. It was late, we were tired and the ride seemed endless. We stopped at 3 hotels before ours and it more than doubled the journey. However, on the way back we were the only ones on board. The value of the transfer is that we didn't have to worry about a thing. We were told where to go and when. That part I like.

I have included some more photos in the album below because I took hundreds!

What about you? What do you need for your dream vacation?

Portions of this trip have been provided by Transat Holidays. The experiences and opinions are all mine.

]]> A family that travels together... tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11235 2011-11-17T03:47:03Z 2011-11-17T05:11:25Z

I have so much to tell you about our Transat Holidays vacation! But that is going to have to wait until I get home because while there has been one major thing I have noticed while on vacation. One change...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

Cheers!

My children are nearly 4 years apart. 4 grades. My eldest is a boy, my youngest a girl. They get along great but at home they have their own interests and friends. I mean, the difference between 8 and 12 is significant. So, seeing them laughing and playing and being together is the greatest gift and today was one of those days. They have a lot in common but rarely get the chance to see and experience it.

Buddies

Today at Xel-Ha they went snorkeling and cliff jumping and ziplining and explored an ocean cave. Today they laughed and had inside jokes and walked arm in arm. As time goes by and they grow up I see the value of family time in a way I never saw it before.

Going snorkeling together

]]> Overwhelmed? Bring On the One Stop Shop tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11194 2011-11-09T17:03:49Z 2011-11-09T19:29:13Z

I, just like most moms, have a very busy life. Things can get crazy and I easily start to feel overwhelmed with all of the details. Even when planning a vacation, some fun time away, I can find the process...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

When I was approached by Transat Holidays about an upcoming trip and writing gig I thought it would be a chance to put this theory to the test. They wanted me to experience a Transat Holidays vacation and blog about it. The assignment was to write from pre-trip all the way through and experience first hand the process of working with this full service travel provider. I was curious to know more about the process and its potential benefits. Plus, I was thrilled to get to experience a trip to the Mayan Riviera.

Azul Fives. I've never seen an infinity pool!

So, on Sunday my family and I are off to the Azul Fives Hotel in Mexico through Transat Holidays. So far the planning has been a breeze. The vacation is sold as a package deal so we didn't have to worry about much. Flight times and costs as well as airport transfers are included. Plus, we received a package from the Air Transat Kids Club for my daughter that included snack vouchers for the flight, priority check-in at the airport and other benefits I will be sure to explore as our trip gets underway.

Stay tuned over the next week to learn more about our experience with Transat Holidays and our adventures in the Mayan Riviera!

Do you find planning a vacation overwhelming? I would love to hear about your experiences.

Portions of this trip have been provided by Transat Holidays. The experiences and opinions are all mine.

]]> It's Party Season! tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11139 2011-11-07T19:28:42Z 2011-11-07T17:21:58Z

Start with Thanksgiving, then keep the party going through Halloween, bring on the Holiday Cheer, then top it all off with partying through to the New Year and we find ourselves with a jam packed few months full of celebration....

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/

I love this time of year, especially the lead up to the Holidays. I love the food, the parties, the excitement and planning. This year for me is really special as my whole family will be together for the first time since my mom passed away. I plan to celebrate and party my way through to the New Year.

Drinking and Driving Should Never Be the Elephant in the Room.

But as the host of at least a few of this season's good times I also want to be responsible. The LCBO has recognized this dilemma exists for many people and has decided to bring it out in the open through their Deflate the Elephant campaign. The message here is that one doesn't have to compromise fun while being responsible. The Deflate the Elephant website has creative suggestions on how to incorporate fun ways to address that darn elephant in the room without making anyone feel uncomfortable.

The site provides a full list of responsible hosting suggestions but here are some of my faves:

1. Provide low-alcohol and alcohol-free drinks, such as mocktails, non-alcoholic punch, pop, bottled water, tea and coffee.

Giving people options is a great solution! Plus, the website even provides some delicious and creative mocktail recipes that everyone can enjoy like Blue Summer, Sailor's Spiced Nog, Caramel Coffee, Midnight Mint Mocktail, Russian Winter and many others.

Mocktails are a great way to be a responsible host!

2. Have food available to avoid drinking on an empty stomach. Avoid serving salty, sweet or greasy snack foods; they'll make your guests thirstier. High-starch and protein foods such as meats, veggies, cheeses, dips and breads are good choices.

Who doesn't love a reason to eat more cheese?!

3. Promote the use of designated drivers and keep cash and telephone numbers on hand for taxis. Encourage guests to leave their cars at home. If they insist on driving, be prepared to take away their car keys.

I live in an urban area where there is usually little excuse not to walk or take transit. But in suburban or rural areas this might not be quite so easy. Plan ahead. I was invited to a party once where the host put the number of a cab company on the invitation and had arranged a "party rate" with the company. We were all encouraged to order our cabs ahead of time. This also meant we didn't overstay our welcome!

4. Serve drinks yourself or designate a bartender instead of having an open bar. People tend to drink more when they serve themselves.

This is SO true. I like to keep track so that a) I don't get drunk and act, well, drunk. And b) I don't have a hangover the next day. Because really, I just can't "do" hangovers. But this can be really hard to do when someone is filling up your glass all of the time and you lose count.

5. Have a plan to deal with guests who drink too much. Before the party, ask someone reliable to help you keep things under control.

This is a tough one but probably one of the most important. In my opinion, the best way to tackle this is to be upfront from the beginning. Like the example with the taxi number right on the invitation. State it upfront. Even better, link to Deflate the Elephant right on the invitation.

Do you have suggestions on how to be a responsible host and Deflate the Elephant? If so, please share your ideas in the comments below and at Deflate the Elephant on Facebook.

Enjoy the party season!

This post was sponsored by the LCBO's Deflate the Elephant Campaign. All opinions and experiences are my own.

]]> THIS is Community. tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11146 2011-11-01T15:21:08Z 2011-11-01T16:38:41Z

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/ I love my neighbourhood. It is urban and busy. The houses and lots are smaller but the community is close knit and I really appreciate being a part of it.

Sometimes I forget how lucky we are but last night was a perfect reminder of why this neighbourhood is so fabulous. Halloween in my 'hood consists of crowds of people, kids and adults in the streets dressed up in costume, sitting on porches, moms and dads sipping their "hot cocoa" from a Thermos as they wave and have a quick chat while their children run from house to house. Kids see their friends and the houses are decked out beyond belief.

My 12 year-old son went out for what I think is likely his last year. I have a few more years with my daughter but I know that I will really miss this community event. So, I took some pics for posterity and here are a few of my faves:

Ahhhh! This was on one of our neighbours yards.

Enter if you dare! Love this house!

That was a gorilla shouting from the roof!

At this house you had to SCREAM into the microphone to get candy!

A prisoner, disco grandpa, and a spy kid ready for some Halloween fun!

My girl, the Spy Kid and her pal, the Evil Queen, on the hunt!

Disco Grandpa ready to shell out!

What about you, is your community special? How so?

]]> Is Teasing Really Bullying? tag:www.urbanmoms.ca,2011:/moms_the_word//34.11103 2011-10-27T14:23:19Z 2011-10-27T18:22:11Z

I know that bullying is a very sensitive topic. I know that it is horrible and senseless and terrifying. I have no doubt about the fact that in many cases the experience of being bullied is life altering and, tragically...

Jen http://www.urbanmoms.ca/moms_the_word/
I also realize that an attempt to be moderate on this topic may not be popular or the current trend. But I am going to try. Not because I think real bullying should be treated moderately but because I think it may be time to look at how far the pendulum has swung and see if collectively we need to reevaluate. I believe we must do this in order to really and truly address this problem.

When it comes to this issue I think that we may have cut off our nose to spite our face. I worry that we are labeling too many behaviours "bullying". I see the waters getting muddied and it is hard to see the situations, the cases of real and dangerous bullying, as clearly or to even be able to differentiate so we see can see them at all. We have created a situation where we can hardly see the forest for all of the trees. This scares me. Kids are dying and our solution is to scramble and continue to add to the pile of blame?

I don't think so. Not for me. Instead, I think we need to take a step back and get perspective. What is really happening here? What is at the root of it? How can we protect our children? We need to see that we are all responsible and we need to focus on that. We need to focus on empowering our children, not creating a society full of victims and a generation full of fear. We need to give them control instead of taking that away by externalizing through blame so they feel powerless and lack the confidence to stand tall or walk away or slough it off or confront their problems.

We need to be able to vet out the truly serious cases of real bullying to address them immediately and take action. And we need to stop reacting with extremes and understand that there is a whole, huge spectrum of behaviours, some dangerous and extreme but most not.

We need to see the complexities in each individual case and not generalize and lump them all together. For example, I recently saw this article from The Globe and Mail shared over social media channels, doing its time on Facebook and Twitter: My teen doesn't know the difference between teasing and bullying. I read it and shared it and asked, "what do you think?"

Just to give you some context, the article basically came down to this statement:

"Teasing is bad. It hurts. The solution is not to be able to take it. The solution is not to toughen up. The solution is not to tease."

Hmmm. Really? "Teasing is bad" as an absolute? So therefore, "teasers are bad"? Or worse, "teasers are bullies"? This just doesn't sit well with me. It is so frighteningly extreme, so very black and white.

I come from a long line of teasers; my grandparents, my parents, my aunts and uncles. In fact, I am a teaser myself. I love to tease my kids. And they do it to me to. We love to laugh at ourselves and find humour in eachothers' foibles. Has it ever gone too far? Yup, but most of the time it is in good fun and we laugh and poke fun back.

I look at some of the greatest comedy shows or movies. Just turn on any British show or speak to a Brit and you can't avoid it. Teasing is funny. We do it to shed light on situations, understand differences, and break the ice. We like to laugh at ourselves and others. Teasing can be great fun.

Can teasing hurt? Absolutely. But what I take issue with in this article and with the argument in general is that it does not consider the most critical and important part of this equation: INTENTION. Can we tease in good fun? I believe 100% yes. Can it be an important part of a relationship, a way to see yourself and your quirks as something cute and funny and curious to someone else? A big "YES" from me.

I have seen my son and his friends tease each other FOREVER. It is part of the dynamic of their relationships. "What was that?!" "Wow. That was a loser move." "Nice shot." "You totally have a crush on her!" "You suck at this." "Nice hair cut." "What's with that shirt?" "Your team is going down!" And on, and on, and on. Is the intention to hurt each other? Absolutely not. It is what we used to call "razzing". I see my husband and his old friends do it all the time. I do it with my sisters and my good friends and my kids.

So, are these kids bullying each other? That, in my opinion and in theirs I am sure, is laughable. Could these comments be misconstrued? Yes and I have seen it happen. But the key is to ask ourselves, "what is the intention?" Is the child being centred out or targeted with the intention to hurt? That is different.

But what if the intention is inclusion and the child is interpreting it as something else? What if the teasing is not meant as anything more than the banter between friends? What if it is simply miscommunication and a subsequent over reaction? And the solution is not for a child or parent to rush in and report these "bullies" but for both parties to better understand the feelings and intention of the other. It should not be about pointing fingers and placing blame, making one child the victim and one the bully. This just makes it more difficult to suss out the serious cases and help those truly at risk.

These situations are a normal part of growing up. They are about life lessons and communication and empathy and it is our job as parents to help our children cope and understand the difference so they can survive and thrive in an adult world where these same situations arise. It is our job to help guide them. To make sure they have the skills and experience to cope when they are all grown up and on their own. I don't want my children always looking for who to blame. I want them to be confident and strong and kind and happy because they can stand on their own two feet.

To continually overreact and yell "the sky is falling!" every time our child is teased or their feelings are hurt and shout "BULLY!" serves no one. Pointing fingers and placing blame serves no one. It just creates victims and fuels the fires of fear. But worst of all, in my opinion, it makes the kids truly at risk harder to identify and harder to help.

]]>