Canadian Urban Parents

The Pressure to be Beautiful

I was at a marketing conference the other day and was priveleged enough to hear Jeffrey Allgrove, the President of Unilever, speak.  As many of you might already know, Unilver produces Dove skin care products and you are likely aware that in the last few years Dove has launched their Real Beauty campaign.  I know I have discussed this campaign on urbanmoms.ca before but I had to do it again.  I love this campaign! 

Some consumers and marketers claim the campaign is a manipulation.  That Unilever is a powerhouse who is simply using this power and women's desire for more realistic role models to sell more "stuff".  Well, my response is...duh!?  Isn't all advertising a form of manipulation?  Advertisers spend millions to find an insight or our emotional achilles heel to make their message relatable - I "get" you so you should buy my brand.  The reason they do this is because it works.  And, if it is true and a brand does understand you and does share your values then, don't you want to buy that product? 

That's what it is with Dove.  I didn't really pay too much attention to any skin care brand before.  They all seemed pretty much the same.  But the Real Beauty campaign struck a chord and I was very interested to hear what the president had to say.  Here are a few of the things that really resonated with me:

1. 40% of 9 year old girls are dieting or have dieted.
2. 3/4 of girls avoid some activity due to their appearance.
3. Only 2% of women identify themselves as beautiful.

Whoa.  These, and there are plenty more, actually made me feel a bit sick.  Then Mr. Allgrove started speaking to the question of "selling stuff".  I loved his response.  He said yes, we are a business, of course we are selling stuff.  However, we would not be in business for very long if we didn't reflect the values of the society in which we live and we will continue to be leaders if we take risks and challenge the status quo.

What advertisers are forgetting is that this was a HUGE risk for Dove.  Putting regular people in beauty ads?  I remember reading some of the critiques when the campaign first launched.  I won't even repeat some of the words used to describe the women in the ads.  However, Dove gets the last laugh.   More than a year after the campaign launched in Canada it is still the only campaign women identified as one they love in recent urbanmoms.ca research.  It is also held as the gold standard when marketers are talking about campaigns for women.

In case you haven't seen it in a while, click here for my favourite TV spot.  As my 3 year old daughter compalins about her short hair because all of the other girls have long hair (click here and go to the bottom of the page to My Beautiful Bald Little Girl for the whole story), I cry while watching this ad and worry, already, about the huge pressure to be "beautiful" on all of our wonderful and unique little girls.

Jen

She's All Boy

It was an unseasonably warm, sunny spring day, and my daughter had just been dismissed from morning Kindergarten. Almost all the children ran to the playground together, horsing around, playing tag, climbing on the monkey bars. My daughter and one little boy ran off together to play. I chatted with a few of the other moms. Then, my daughter and her friend came running back towards us asking if they could go to each other's house for a playdate. Smiling, I turned to the other mom and said, "I've been promising her for weeks now to schedule a playdate..." She laughed. I persisted, "maybe he can come over after school one day next week". Her response: "well, I don't know what they would play. He's all boy".

I'll admit - I was taken aback. The two kids seemed to me to be finding plenty of things to play, and right in front of our noses! Also, inter-gender play is quite common with this group of Kindergarteners. I see lots of boys going to girls' houses after school and vice-versa. While volunteering in the classroom, I have repeatedly seen my daughter and this boy seek each other out during playtime. And, most importantly, it was the two children who initiated the playdate request. Instead of saying one of these logical things, though, I let the schoolyard mentality influence me. "You don't understand", I quipped, "she's all boy too!" This was greeted by indulgent laughter, so I elaborated. My daughter's favourite things are, in order: dinosaurs, sharks, lizards, green tree frogs and all other animals. She does not own a single Barbie. She hates Princesses. She does not own any dolls. I don't take her shopping for clothes anymore, since she wants to go straight to the boy's section and buy shirts with dinosaurs & sharks on them. In fact, in an act of cosmic irony, the little guy in question was wearing a shark t-shirt that my daughter also owns and wore to school only the week before!

But I digress - I guess my real issue with this whole situation (putting aside my less than noble reaction to being rebuffed on the schoolyard) is the thought that we should censor our children's choice of playmates. If the mom had balked at sending her son to a home she had not visited herself, I would understand and respect her concern and involvement. But to suggest that they shouldn't play together because he's "all boy" and she's a girl and therefore they haven't got enough in common - that's what concerns me. I know all too well that the days when boys and girls will play together happily despite their gender differences are precious and short. In all likelihood, this ability to engage in unselfconscious play will only last a few more months, until around the age of six and the advent of grade one.

As it is, I've decided to leave the ball in her court. Hopefully her son will ask her for playdates with my daughter and she can make the next move - she knows we're willing. I still can't help feeling a little down about it though. And I'm just not sure what to say when my daughter asks me again, "when can we have a playdate with him?"

Kath is mom to two girls, aged 5 and (nearly) 3. She is a regular contributor and the urbanmoms.ca Calgary team member. We'd love to hear from you - do you have any opinions, advice or similar stories? Click on comments to share, open up a thread in the urbanmoms.ca forum, or email Kath.