zCanadian Urban Parents

This is a Test Post

Jen — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:03:42 -0400

This is a new post to test the new design.

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A Lesson Learned

Jen — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 23:03:27 -0400

Yesterday was a gorgeous sunny summer day at my brother-in-law’s new cottage. The setting was idyllic, and the kids were laughing on the dock, splashing in the water, while the parents were enjoying view (and some adult conversation) from the deck. All of a sudden my eldest son let out a scream “Mommy…I hurt my foot.” I should have known that he is not prone to histrionics, and would certainly not cry in front of his older cousins unless he was really hurt, but I was feeling relaxed, and simply asked my husband to look at his foot. The look on his face after he examined the cut made me realize that this was not just a stubbed toe.

My seven-year old son had been climbing down a rock to get to the dock and landed the wrong way on a big piece of quartz. Two toes got serious scratches, and his big toe was cut quite deeply at the base (at the risk of sounding graphic, my husband described it the toe as “dangling” from his foot). It was obvious he’d need stitches, but it was (of course!!) the long weekend (the busiest time in the ER) and we were a 45-minute drive from the nearest hospital.

Luckily for us, my sister-in-law was up. Earlier that day I’d seen her first aid kit and chuckled to myself at its size (a medium-sized Rubbermaid container filled to the brim). As she set to work cleaning the toe, taping it first in steri-strips and then in gauze, administering Tylenol, and instructing me to keep the toe held above Liam’s heart and immobile for the drive, I was very relieved that she (and her overstuffed kit) were there. My own first aid bag was stuffed too…with Ovol drops, baby orajel, various superhero bandaids and a bunch of almost empty bottles of Tempra.

Driving back from the hospital two hours later I remarked to my husband on how fortunate we were to have just made our first trip to the ER in over seven years of parenting. I’ve also vowed to update the first aid kit so that I’m better prepared for (the inevitable) next time.

Jennifer is an urbanmoms.ca member and mother to I year old Rylan, 5 year old Connor, and 7 year old Liam pictured above. If you would like to contribute a story, please send it to email@urbanmoms.ca. We'd love to hear from you!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Jen — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 16:13:27 -0400

Before I adopted my son Alexei from Russia, I had to go through a rigorous approval process. Any individual or family adopting internationally or domestically will have to complete an adoption home study with a qualified social worker and submit it to the Ministry of Children and Youth Services.

What I loved about my home study (I adopted as a single parent) was the fact that as well as quizzing me on everything from my beliefs about child discipline to my family and medical history, my social worker Sharon was not only able to help me work through issues such as bonding and what and when to tell my child, but also to help me develop answers to questions I hadn't even thought of yet.

On the bonding front I remember Sharon telling me that unlike other children of his age (two years) who were starting to get their first taste of independence - you fall down and mummy doesn't automatically come and pick you up unless you really hurt yourself - that I had to look for exactly those opportunities to comfort my new son and let him know that his mummy was now looking out for him.

Alexei still isn't a crier - all those orphanage nights when cries went unheeded take some getting over - but in the early days every time he needed a hug or to have tears wiped away, there I was. Three years on he'll now sometimes call out immediately "I'm OK" when he falls. This is my cue to stay away and a great sign that he knows I'll be there if he needs me.

Those questions I didn't know existed? Well so far adults have been very circumspect when asking about Alexei's adoption - most ask first if it's OK to ask questions. But Alexei's friends - that's another story altogether!

The first time a little girl in his class asked me out of the blue why Alexei didn't have a daddy I was able to tell her about the many different kinds of families in the world, thanks to words of wisdom from Sharon. And when asked bluntly by another little girl if Alexei's daddy was dead, I was able to respond along the same lines - no Alexei's daddy isn't dead, Alexei comes from a family with just a mummy.

Happily too, thanks to Sharon, Alexei is fully aware that he's adopted, that he was born in Russia as he loves to tell everyone and that he grew not in my stomach, but in my heart. Sharon had explained to me that you tell a child as much as you believe he can understand (always keeping to the truth), and as the questions change as he gets older so you add more age-appropriate information. From the conversations we've had recently, I am now expecting the "I must have grown in someone's tummy, whose tummy was it?" question any day.

Despite Sharon's advice my heart is in my mouth that I negotiate this latest hurdle well. I think I'm well prepared - at least with my public relations training I think I've created a darn good key message and Q&A document in my head - but who knows what questions will come out of the mouth of my babe?

Jo is mom to Alexei (pictured above) and a Senior PR Executive in Toronto. Share your thoughts on her story in comments below or in the urbanmoms.ca forum