I am married and I have a husband, whom I love! But the day-to-day reality is that his work takes him away from our home for long and unconventional hours (he works in the film industry, where 18 hour days and working weekends are a normal part of life). As a result, I have just spent 6 weekends alone this summer with my daughter. I made it as fun as possible for the two of us: visiting friends at cottages, going home to grandma’s house, visiting my sister, going to festivals, farms, indoor play gyms, birthday parties....the things we do with our kids on weekends, but sans husband.
What I have learned from the experience of going it alone, is just how difficult it must be for women who are true single moms 100% of the time. The delicate balance of dedicating myself to motherhood, my career, to managing my home and being a wife is a true juggling act. It’s tough to excel in all areas with a constant smile on my face and a positive outlook!
Some tips I have for any urban mom who, by circumstance, finds herself spending a lot of time alone with her child is this:
-Don’t beat yourself up about the fact that your routine doesn’t include family dinners followed by together time for your child with mommy & daddy: instead look at it as a chance for you and your child to try new things and have fun together. Be creative!
-Plan play dates with other moms who have children the same age as yours: it gets you out of the house and is great for you and your child.
-Make the most of when/how you can incorporate parent-time: even if it’s not conventional (take what you can get!). ie: I have made it a regular part of my daughter’s life to “visit daddy at work”: this way she can still see her father and even learn a little about what he does. She thinks it’s fun and says “daddy makes movies!”
-Ask for help when you need it! I took this summer to prove to myself that my family can completely take care of my daughter (and they are dying to do it!). I dropped her off at grandma’s for a sleepover, at my sister’s for a weekend, and with my dad for babysitting. I was left wondering “Why didn’t I do it sooner?”. I was amazed by how much my friends & family are willing to help, and how much my daughter loves to be with them.
-Be realistic: if your floors didn’t get washed this week, who cares? Only you. Some details can be over-looked, just don’t lose sight of the big picture and what’s important: the time you have now to watch your child grow & develop far outweighs the extra load of laundry that can wait until tomorrow.
Michelle is an urbanmoms.ca member and mother of a 3.5 year old
(Gabriella). She wanted other moms in her situation to know they are
not alone...we do the best we can, and as women we are more resilient
that we think!
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