These days, fewer and fewer parents I know have extended family living nearby. The necessity of finding work in more challenging times means we must move away from cities and sometimes from provinces (or countries) we grew up in.
In the neighbourhood we live in, there are very few children whose grandparents live in close proximity. For those lucky ones, parents get to enjoy a different level of flexibility (in most cases), that having built-in babysitters nearby affords. They don't have to spend as much on sitters because of this, plus their children get to spend more quality time with their grandparents, something I think is really missing from families these days.
But for many of us, finding work (or going to university) meant leaving the place we grew up in and moving to a locale that offered job prospects and, hopefully, a better life for us and our children.
We are one of those couples who moved away. While my husband's parents are about an hour and a half away by car, my family is about 17 hours. At this point, I'm a stay-at-home-mom (and freelance writer) so I am not locked into any particular location. My husband works locally now but that could change and has changed in the past. How many times do we move for his job? We've already moved to three different cities since being married and now that two of our three kids are in school, it makes the thought of moving that much tougher.
We've been in our current location for almost five years now. We've established friendships, as have our children, and in some cases are able to swap babysitting with a few other moms on occasion. But mostly, if we have a need to get out at night or on a weekend, a paid babysitter is a must, if they're even available.
On a more personal level, I find being away from family liberating in some ways, but sad and frustrating in others. I have always been close with my family and, being an only child, I depended a lot on my elders for companionship and assistance. Being away has meant being more independent (which is a good thing) but I have missed the comfort and reliability of family.
I know my parents hate being away from their grandchildren. They all still work so travelling to see us is not easy but we manage to connect with them a few times per year. Thankfully technology allows us to keep in closer touch, using not only phone and email but also Skype/iChat. At least we can put faces to those voices. I want my kids to grow up feeling as close as possible to their grandparents.
I often wonder if we have made the right choice by living so far away from family. I wonder how things would be different if we had grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins a few streets over. Have you stayed close to your hometown or have you moved away for work? How important do you feel having extended family in a child's life is?
Cynthia is a freelance writer and stay-at-home-mom of three living in Southern Ontario. You can find her writing seriously at www.ckinnunen.com or silly and sleep-deprived at http://crumbsintheminivan.blogspot.com .  
In the neighbourhood we live in, there are very few children whose grandparents live in close proximity. For those lucky ones, parents get to enjoy a different level of flexibility (in most cases), that having built-in babysitters nearby affords. They don't have to spend as much on sitters because of this, plus their children get to spend more quality time with their grandparents, something I think is really missing from families these days.
But for many of us, finding work (or going to university) meant leaving the place we grew up in and moving to a locale that offered job prospects and, hopefully, a better life for us and our children.
We are one of those couples who moved away. While my husband's parents are about an hour and a half away by car, my family is about 17 hours. At this point, I'm a stay-at-home-mom (and freelance writer) so I am not locked into any particular location. My husband works locally now but that could change and has changed in the past. How many times do we move for his job? We've already moved to three different cities since being married and now that two of our three kids are in school, it makes the thought of moving that much tougher.
We've been in our current location for almost five years now. We've established friendships, as have our children, and in some cases are able to swap babysitting with a few other moms on occasion. But mostly, if we have a need to get out at night or on a weekend, a paid babysitter is a must, if they're even available.
On a more personal level, I find being away from family liberating in some ways, but sad and frustrating in others. I have always been close with my family and, being an only child, I depended a lot on my elders for companionship and assistance. Being away has meant being more independent (which is a good thing) but I have missed the comfort and reliability of family.
I know my parents hate being away from their grandchildren. They all still work so travelling to see us is not easy but we manage to connect with them a few times per year. Thankfully technology allows us to keep in closer touch, using not only phone and email but also Skype/iChat. At least we can put faces to those voices. I want my kids to grow up feeling as close as possible to their grandparents.
I often wonder if we have made the right choice by living so far away from family. I wonder how things would be different if we had grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins a few streets over. Have you stayed close to your hometown or have you moved away for work? How important do you feel having extended family in a child's life is?
Cynthia is a freelance writer and stay-at-home-mom of three living in Southern Ontario. You can find her writing seriously at www.ckinnunen.com or silly and sleep-deprived at http://crumbsintheminivan.blogspot.com .  
We too left our home town " to better our futures", and both mine and my husbands' family live 5-6 hours away. We've been in our new residence now for about 4.5 years, and we haven't really gone out. We go back home a few times a year, and that's when we go out together to visit with our friends and relax. We also use Skype and email to keep in contact with our families, because we feel it's very important to our children to have a close relationship with their grandparents.
karen, check this out...to keep Grandma with your kids everyday, even if she's miles away! A great playmate and they can see her face and hear her voice!
www.mommiesmunchkinsandmore.com
We live in Canada - both sets of grandparents are in the UK. the boys were born here. However, it is quite possible to keep that special relationship with today's technology - Skype is great! of course nothing beats the hugs of a real visit which become all the more special.
My granddaughter lives in Ireland and I'm in California....she has a "Grandma loves Me Doll" and takes it everywhere with her. check out this website....they're awesome. www.mommiesmunchkinsandmore.com
When I was growing up I didn't have any relatives who lived nearby. The closest one was my cousin, who was a 2-and-a-half hour drive away. Both sets of grandparents were 6 hours away, one set to the north, the other set to the south. We rarely got to see them, but when we did it was for a longish visit of a week or so.
By comparison, my parents and in-laws are close. We are about 20 minutes away from my in-laws and just over an hour from my parents. I love that my kids can see their grandparents on a more regular basis, but I also find that the visits are different than the visits I had with my grandparents, mainly because they're for shorter periods of time. In some ways this is good (in that you don't have time to drive each other crazy) and in some ways it's bad (in that you don't really get to interact as meaningfully...you don't move much beyond smalltalk).
We also have my brother and his family living in the same town we live in. We don't see each other a lot, but it's comforting to know they're here if we need them. They used to call on me to pick their daughters up from dance class or babysit on short notice. Now we call on them for similar things (though more often than not it's their teen-aged daughters who babysit our kids).
Having family so close (but not too close) is one of the main things that keeps us living in this area.
Karen: It is important to keep grandparents in the lives of our children and it's great to hear you're doing your best to keep in touch. Your kids will thank you for it.
Katie: It's true - while technology is great these days, nothing beats a nice warm hug from a grandparent. It must be even tougher having grandparents overseas.
Mary Lynn: Looks like you've found the right arrangement - close, but not too close. :)
I am originally from California; moved to Toronto after marrying my husband.
I'd always said that I'd return "home", either in 5 years or if I got pregnant - which ever came first. That is how close, and how important being with family is (was?) to me.
Two beautiful boys and 8.5yrs of marriage later, I'm still in the GTA while the rest of my family is in California. My husband's family is not close; my in-laws are an hour away driving; they see the boys maybe once a month.
My eldest son (3.5yo) is becoming more and more aware of our situation with Papa, Nina and Nono (my Dad, sister and brother) ... he *gets it* that they live far away.
As previously stated, with all of technology's advantages, NOTHING compares to having the people you love just around the corner.
Case in point: My dad is visiting now, in time for my youngest's 1st birthday. My eldest was so happy to go pick his Papa up at the airport, he couldn't stop talking about it for a week. @ Pearson, when my son saw his grandpa ... he ran back to his Dad and said "Papa's not on the computer!", in reference to our frequent vidcam chats. He wasn't sure why or how Papa was "in real life". It broke my heart.
@Kath - I hate it when my mommy friends who have family nearby don't understand the benefit of it. They don't see how truly lucky they are to have people they inherently trust, available to watch over their kids. Sometimes you just need a break for a pedicure, or to watch a movie with your husband ... Two things I rarely do. Le sigh.
@CynthK - thanks for pointing me to this article. :D
Thanks for this piece (and the comments)! They really hit close to home.
This soft huggable doll will keep Grandma in their hearts and minds daily ...it is a wonderful tool in bringing families closer together.
Living far away from your grandchildren is so difficult but becoming more and more common everyday as families move for employment opportunities.
Hugging a grandma doll, seeing her face and hearing her voice will make her a constant, a daily friend and playmate.... and not just a memory.
It's so easy...email your photo and a personalized "Grandma Loves Me Doll" will be made in your likeness, matching your face, skin tone, hair style and color. Three versions available: Groovy Grandma, Genteel Grandmother and Nighty Night Nana.
http://www.mommiesmunchkinsandmore.com
I live in NY and my daughter moved to Maryland. I'm bitter, angry and in grandparent world computer/phone relationships are not quality in any way shape or form. We have no choice but to tolerate them. We have raised an entire generation of ungreatful children who always feel like they need to get away from family as if you can't be independent an hour away like the rest of us. Lucky me, I get to see my grandkids a few times a year and on holidays (at least the ones she's not with his family).
I feel like she chose a big house over grandparents. NY is expensive, MD is not. I often think that her kids are going to grow up with poor values. My family is huge and my sisters get to see their kids because they stayed in NY. I grew up modestly seeing my grandparents every Sunday, my grandparents were an extension of my parents and meant the world to me. Kids could care less how big their house is, apparently it means alot to my daughter. I feel sorry for my grandkids. They have no idea who I really am, I have no idea who they really are. They play soccer, baseball, belong to a million clubs and one day they will be very lonely adults who don't feel a proper connection to family. I get to speak to them often but it's not a personal connection with hugs and board games and filling up the pool in the backyard to put them in it. I doubt as adults they'll make an effort to see their grandparents. We will be the annoying old people who their parents forced them to visit a few times a year and when we die they will say "my grandmother died but it's okay I hardly knew her and she was old". This is my daughter's decision. She is too young to understand that all we have is time and family. The rest could disappear in a minute. One fire and the house is gone. She's young so she's enjoying the couple, play date thing. She tells me I need to let me live her life. She doesn't seem to care what it does to my heart, that I cry often or get that I'm not going to be around forever. I've gone on with my life. I have no choice. I don't talk about my grandkids often, it hurts too much. I see them when I see them, I cry for a few days and then life resumes.