Four eyes! Fatso! Thunder Thighs! Giraffe! SLUT!!
What do you think about these words? Did they affect you when you read them? Did you wince? I did. And, I heard them over and over all through my young life. These words, these epithets, are what I grew up hearing. They are the curses that slapped me and the designations that defiled me. You see, I was the kid with the coke-bottle glasses. You remember me, the girl whose eyes looked like saucers behind the often scratched and eternally smudged lenses.
Sports were my nemesis. I was victim of my inability to see beyond the periphery of my frames, the world blurry all around but hyper focused straight in front...laser focus on the kids taunting me with vicious words outlining how I was inferior to them. "Four Eyes!" may as well have been; "You are less than me because my body does what it's supposed to do and yours doesn't. You are defective". I was also never a skinny kid. Not that I was legitimately fat, but I had some meat on my bones. Looking back at pictures of myself I can see that I didn't deserve the 'fatso' moniker, but I didn't have control over what people said to me, I merely had to deal with it. Things got worse around puberty when I started to develop womanly curves. Image the impact of being called out for having "thunder thighs" at the age of 14. Later on, I started to grow tall. I lengthened. My limbs elongated and my neck stretched. By the age of 15 I'd reached 5'8" and finally quit growing at just shy of 5'10". Long limbs and a long neck will earn you the nickname of 'Giraffe', or didn't you know? Giraffes aren't cute and cuddly like kittens or puppies, they're freaks. At least, that's what I thought. But, that wasn't the best of it. Nope. The kids I grew up with, cruel and heartless, had something worse in mind for me. The worst curse you could possibly throw at a young girl: Slut. I'll admit that I tended to be flirtatious. What those kids didn't know, and what I didn't yet understand, was that my petite coquette act was a text book symptom of someone who'd been sexually molested as a child.
Now, I can see you sitting there; wallowing in pity for me and thinking of
how pathetic I sound. Wanna know the kicker? I didn't let this get me. I didn't let this define me. I didn't let this become me. I didn't let this end me. Ever.
For the kids calling me 'four eyes' I, without fail, countered with a succinct, "Four eyes are better than two". When that girl, on class picture day, asked me to scrunch down a bit so she could be the tallest I said I would, but then, right before the click of the camera, I stood up as tall as possible. And those kids in High School who called me a slut, and started the rumour that I was pregnant? Well, one day I sat smack dab in the middle of the cafeteria and scarfed down a huge bowl of ice-cream and pickles for all to see. "Let them think I'm pregnant," I said to myself, "I know I'm still a virgin."
Life is funny in its propensity to deliver sweet irony and delicious Karma, and when I look back on everything now I can't help but to chuckle. As the old adage goes, "Living well is the best revenge". I graduated early from High School so my family could move to Florida where I was soon scouted by Ford Models. The next 12 years of my life were spent living in New York City, flying around the world for work, and hanging out with the rich, famous, and fabulous. No one called me 'four eyes', or 'fatso', or 'thunder thighs', or 'giraffe' (in fact, being a giraffe in that career is a plus!), or 'slut'. I was just me. Just Sue.
Now I'm living in North Carolina with an incredible husband who spoils
me and my two young children who gift me each day with a life full of
love and laughter.
And, this is really the point, this is what I wish for every child to ingest and internalize, this is what I want everyone to try and teach their children: Bullies only have the power you give them. You have to believe they're right for their accusations and verbal assaults to have impact. What's more? After High School you become free. Your life becomes completely your own to do with what you will. You have the ability and opportunity to blossom and truly grow...far away from the toxicity of bullies.
I don't spend a second of my day thinking about what the kids of my past said about me and to me. I understand that it really had nothing to do with me, but was them looking for a weakness, looking for something to make them feel better about themselves, or just indulging their innate meanness. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. *It. Wasn't. About. Me.*
I implore you to do whatever you can to build your children to be strong and to know themselves...to love themselves, no matter what. This will help them from becoming victims of bullying and, possibly, prevent them from becoming bullies themselves. With all the stories we read about tragedies related to bullying, we, as parents, really have no choice. Teaching our children to be strong within themselves is a life skill, one that's just as important as teaching them to read, write, and tie their shoes.
What do you think about these words? Did they affect you when you read them? Did you wince? I did. And, I heard them over and over all through my young life. These words, these epithets, are what I grew up hearing. They are the curses that slapped me and the designations that defiled me. You see, I was the kid with the coke-bottle glasses. You remember me, the girl whose eyes looked like saucers behind the often scratched and eternally smudged lenses.
Sports were my nemesis. I was victim of my inability to see beyond the periphery of my frames, the world blurry all around but hyper focused straight in front...laser focus on the kids taunting me with vicious words outlining how I was inferior to them. "Four Eyes!" may as well have been; "You are less than me because my body does what it's supposed to do and yours doesn't. You are defective". I was also never a skinny kid. Not that I was legitimately fat, but I had some meat on my bones. Looking back at pictures of myself I can see that I didn't deserve the 'fatso' moniker, but I didn't have control over what people said to me, I merely had to deal with it. Things got worse around puberty when I started to develop womanly curves. Image the impact of being called out for having "thunder thighs" at the age of 14. Later on, I started to grow tall. I lengthened. My limbs elongated and my neck stretched. By the age of 15 I'd reached 5'8" and finally quit growing at just shy of 5'10". Long limbs and a long neck will earn you the nickname of 'Giraffe', or didn't you know? Giraffes aren't cute and cuddly like kittens or puppies, they're freaks. At least, that's what I thought. But, that wasn't the best of it. Nope. The kids I grew up with, cruel and heartless, had something worse in mind for me. The worst curse you could possibly throw at a young girl: Slut. I'll admit that I tended to be flirtatious. What those kids didn't know, and what I didn't yet understand, was that my petite coquette act was a text book symptom of someone who'd been sexually molested as a child.Now, I can see you sitting there; wallowing in pity for me and thinking of
how pathetic I sound. Wanna know the kicker? I didn't let this get me. I didn't let this define me. I didn't let this become me. I didn't let this end me. Ever.
For the kids calling me 'four eyes' I, without fail, countered with a succinct, "Four eyes are better than two". When that girl, on class picture day, asked me to scrunch down a bit so she could be the tallest I said I would, but then, right before the click of the camera, I stood up as tall as possible. And those kids in High School who called me a slut, and started the rumour that I was pregnant? Well, one day I sat smack dab in the middle of the cafeteria and scarfed down a huge bowl of ice-cream and pickles for all to see. "Let them think I'm pregnant," I said to myself, "I know I'm still a virgin."
Life is funny in its propensity to deliver sweet irony and delicious Karma, and when I look back on everything now I can't help but to chuckle. As the old adage goes, "Living well is the best revenge". I graduated early from High School so my family could move to Florida where I was soon scouted by Ford Models. The next 12 years of my life were spent living in New York City, flying around the world for work, and hanging out with the rich, famous, and fabulous. No one called me 'four eyes', or 'fatso', or 'thunder thighs', or 'giraffe' (in fact, being a giraffe in that career is a plus!), or 'slut'. I was just me. Just Sue.
Now I'm living in North Carolina with an incredible husband who spoils
me and my two young children who gift me each day with a life full of
love and laughter.
And, this is really the point, this is what I wish for every child to ingest and internalize, this is what I want everyone to try and teach their children: Bullies only have the power you give them. You have to believe they're right for their accusations and verbal assaults to have impact. What's more? After High School you become free. Your life becomes completely your own to do with what you will. You have the ability and opportunity to blossom and truly grow...far away from the toxicity of bullies.I don't spend a second of my day thinking about what the kids of my past said about me and to me. I understand that it really had nothing to do with me, but was them looking for a weakness, looking for something to make them feel better about themselves, or just indulging their innate meanness. Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. *It. Wasn't. About. Me.*
I implore you to do whatever you can to build your children to be strong and to know themselves...to love themselves, no matter what. This will help them from becoming victims of bullying and, possibly, prevent them from becoming bullies themselves. With all the stories we read about tragedies related to bullying, we, as parents, really have no choice. Teaching our children to be strong within themselves is a life skill, one that's just as important as teaching them to read, write, and tie their shoes.
What an incredible story! Thank you so much for sharing this - it is such an inspirational tale of the power of self-esteem!
yes...yes yes...yes...yessss....i just kept nodding my head throughout your whole post. i heard a long time ago "early ripe early rotten" and that kind of made me smile. especially when i went to a high school reunion and took my teenaged skinny-arsed, four eyed, mega wallflower with me (that would be me) and when i looked around to what was the "in crowd" and "popular" and the "tormentors"...damn, i'm hawt and workin' it :-)
i am going to try to instill every ounce of your self esteem into my girls (and even still to this day, myself). it is so important these days and it's one life skill that, i fear, is missing.
This is an incredibly inspiring story, Sue. I went to High School with you and although I didn't know you well I did know that you were picked on. I truly regret not getting to know you better then and having the chance to befriend this amazing and strong person behind the glasses.
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing story of strength and resilience.
Living well really IS the best revenge... that's terrific, lady. I'm so glad you managed to rise above it all - that takes strength of character that is hard to muster at a young age. Yay for you!!
It's not just the girls who get this crap from fellow students. I was the impoverished, fat, nerdy science fiction geek who was terrible at sports, couldn't run and had a crap car. Through four years of high school, I lamented about how I wasn't like everyone else.
When I went to my 20th class reunion, I looked at the lives led by my classmates and returned home delighted that I wasn't anything like everyone else. Nearly all of them, to a person, led lives couched in the comfort of safe tedium. Most of them had never lived more than 100 miles from our little Idaho town and a good number of them remained in that town. Their jobs provided them with money but little satisfaction and no real challenges. Most of them had never taken anything more than the slightest risk.
Their lives would have killed me with boredom.
No, I'm not an Urban Mom, but I'm here to tell folks that they should remember that high school is temporary and they should remind their kids of that any time it seems to get overwhelming for them.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I admit it was a little bit of a knuckle gnashing experience to hit send on this post, but I'm glad I did!
I never understood people picking on you! I always thought you were so pretty and I always wished I was just as pretty! You are so right once you leave those walls of high school you become yourself! I dont care if people think I'm fat now like i did back then! I am ME and thats all that matters! You are awesome Sue - always were and always will be!
As i wrote to your girl Eve S.
Your history is the 1 millions of tall girls share around the world.Unfortunately is not everyone
Who have been able 2 overcome It,this way.
I have similar one,growing in a massive period of racism...
I always tell myself,I will share my eventually,Read yours tonite motivate me do so.
cuz millions of young girls experience these forms of abuse,and many parents not even know
the difference is today this aggression is also online,and push the victim,(some)
To commit suicide!!!.
My name Veronique Celestin (fb)
And in the names of these future swan,who suffers I thank you to share this.
Living well really is the best revenge! I'm so sorry that you had to endure that as a little girl but I'm so happy that you've made a fantastic life for yourself!! Hmmm...wonder where all those bullies are now? Not to worry, I'm sure high school was their swan song! I try everyday to teach my daughters to stand up to bullies and keep our lines of communication open. I hope they will be stronger than I ever was. Thank you for your article.
Great read Sue... you know I am a huge anti bullying supporter. I printed this and will one day show my soon to be daughter... I was a giraffe (now my favorite animal) and olive oil and gentle giant... All of which I am currently embracing..... Life is too short to let bullies get the best of ya. Yu gotta admit that seeing them now on FB is great... :)
Thank you for sharing. Your strength is admirable and your story inspiring.
Hi Sue, I was in your grade at LKS and I remember how much you got bullied. I don't recall ever doing it myself (at least I really hope not), but that doesn't let me off the hook, because I also never stood up for you. In my eyes, that's just as bad. I am sincerely sorry. That's not the example I would want to set for my kids today. I remember seeing either a commercial or magazine ad of you years later and I thought to myself.....you go girl, look who's laughing now.
Hey Sue,
I also never realized that you were bullied in school. I know that some girls were jealous and catty regarding you, but I always liked that you obviously never let it get to you because you were a strong person. And a nice person. You were one of the first girls I actually felt comfortable speaking with because your brother was my friend and you had a good sense of humour.
By the way, I thought the glasses looked good on you, even though it was the dark eighties of fashion. My five year old daughter started wearing glasses and they magnify her lovely and mischievous eyes, further exaggerating her personality.
I have blushed more in the past 36 hours from the huge outpouring of support and empathy. Thank you, everyone!
Ivana. I've always admired your bubbliness and great laugh. You are a beautiful person and I remember loving being around you.
Lis, I had a feeling you'd enjoy reading this. You yourself are an inspiration with your dedication to this issue and determination to see those who offend see justice. I love that you also didn't let yourself be bullied. Kudos!
Jen P, I really appreciate your comment, thank you. If only we could know in our teenage years what parenthood would do to us! Perspective; ever morphing throughout our lives.
Benu, Awww, that was sweet :D It's funny because people have said that I'm intimidating, but I know I'm just a goof ball with a crazy sense of humour who doesn't take anything too seriously. :)
Jesus - you are so right! You are on a roll here :=)
Thanks for sharing your story....it seems some people in life will always get pleasure out of hurting others. Your life seems full of family and happiness, I wonder what those who were hurtful can say about their life now?
I had bully issues myself growing up, we moved a lot and were on the poor side and I was always the new kid who lived in a mobile home. When I got to high school it was the poor kid who lives in the government housing. I remember one night a guy I liked invited me over to dinner at his house and once his Mom found out where I lived she said she would not allow me to date her son as I was someone with no future and he deserved better. All that surmised just by my home address. This scenario would repeat itself several times over before I was out of school.
Life eventually did get better for me, for 10 years I helped my Dad establish and run a transportation company and was able to buy my first real house at the age of 22, had my first BMW at 25 and now am enjoying being a stay at home Mom with my dear husband and daughter. Living well is truly the best revenge.
I am so glad this story arrived in my mail box. I am a Leader with both Scouts Canada and Girl Guides of Canada and I have been trying different ways to get the girls to understand what bullying is and how it can hurt people. Some of girls have been bullied and I am going to take your story Sue to them in hopes that they will learn from it.
I have not given up on these girls and even my boys in teaching them what it is like to be a bully and to be bullied.
Thank you again Sue! You are a true inspiration.
Well i can totally understand where you are coming from cause i was bullied from primary till i graduated high school.I didn't pay attention to them but i heard them and often times then not i went home and cried for hours.I hated myself but i had a family that was willing to help me and i overcame that feeling of self loathing and worthlessness.Now i have a family 2 kids that are awesome a fiancee that loves me and does everything to keep me happy.And i wish that people who bully other kids would just stop and think what they are doing to those poor kids and what might happen to those kids.I thought many a times why am i alive why was i born the answer to that was to stand up against those who did me wrong and say I Know I'm Better Than That And I'll Show You One Day.ANd I pray For Those Kids And Hope They Can OverCome Those Who Did Them Wrong.
I had my kids read the last couple of paragraphs. THANK U!!!! I am so grateful that you shared your story.
Great article that gives hope to those that have been, and are being bullied. With all the current technology and gagets our kids use, cyber bullying is becoming quite common.
Are your children protected? Do you know who they're talking to online and what they are talking about?
Do you know all the people that have talked to your precious ones and the hurtful things that have been said?
If you want to know how to guard your children from predators, bullies and even watch what they're really up to, email me at kristythepennysaver@gmail.com.
-Kristy, a fellow mom on alert
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