The Lounge - Canadian Mom Community Blogs

Flying the Nest

I just wanted to take a moment to have a word with all the girls out there with friends having a child leave for their first year at university. I am now going on my third year of this and must say that this year I think I will handle it better; some of us just have a really hard time with it.

I really enjoy my son and I enjoyed having him in the house everyday. Even though I helped him select the University and I went for the orientation and everything, nothing could have prepared me for the devestation I felt that day dropping him off.

Or even the the months to follow.

I cried like a baby for months. I felt separated from a person that I did not want to be separated from. Everyone told me the same thing:

It's okay, it's for the best, you knew this was coming, he's doing great.

All true but unfortunately not very helpful tips. I look back now and wish I had known what was coming and had prepared for it by maybe having a girls' night in afterwards; a girlfriend, a bottle of wine and some nail polish maybe. I needed to vent and almost mourn but had to go back my family and still be mom to others in the household.

So if you have a friend out there that you know will be facing this, make sure they know you are there, make sure they know that other women do suffer from this -- and I mean suffer. Just be a girlfriend and support her during this. Believe it or not, come the third year, you are starting to feel more comfortable with your new role and you do move on and even know that there is more pain to come but that these small steps off to university will prepare you for the big blow!

My Fussy Baby

My daughter, now 3, was a fussy baby.  When we found out we were expecting our second child, a son, we were thrilled.  This was going to be our ‘easy’ baby!  The one that fell asleep anywhere, that loved to cuddle, that breastfed like a champ...the one who would be content as long as mommy was holding him.  Then he was born...

The labour and delivery was relatively easy and fast, better than my first.  Sammy took to breastfeeding immediately, which I was relieved about.  It looked like maybe we got our ‘easy baby’after all.  He liked nursing so much, in fact, that he latched on and didn’t let go for most of the first night, and into the next day.  Every time I unlatched him, he started crying and screaming.  He wouldn't sleep, except when he was latched on.  I slept 4.5 hours total over the next 2.5 days because I couldn't sleep with him right next to me.

The first few days turned out to be a foreshadowing of the next several months. Sammy slept poorly – he went about 1.5-2 hours from the beginning of one feeding to the beginning of the next – which meant we weren’t sleeping much either.  When he ate, he constantly pulled off, screaming as if in pain. And when he was awake, he was crying, screaming, or screeching.

It seemed like our little boy wished he had never been born.  And to be honest, there were times I wished the same thing. I wondered If I really loved him...so far we had built no positive memories together.  The guilt I felt was overwhelming at times - if his own mommy didn't love him, who did?  A little boy, all alone in the world, with no one loving him...

Over time, we were able to figure out that a sensitivity to dairy was a major factor in his discomfort.  Now that he’s a little older, we also feel that part of his screaming was likely a result of his ‘larger than life’ personality.  He still reacts strongly to whatever he’s experiencing – good or bad – but I wouldn’t trade his belly laughs and easy full-faced grins for anything.

Holly is an urbanmoms.ca member and founder of www.fussybaby.ca, also featured in this week's edition of the urbanmoms.ca Marketplace. Share your thoughts and experiences below, in comments!

Meagan's Story

Little Meagan was four years old when she was diagnosed with brain stem glioma, a cancerous brain tumour. Two weeks after her fifth birthday she passed away. The community where she lived has rallied to support her family in their mission to raise hope, awareness and research funding for paediatric brain tumours which are the number one cause of cancer deaths in children under 20, through a first of its kind Mother's Day event -Meagan's Walk, Creating a Circle of Hope.

When I met Meagan's mom, Denise, and heard her story I was overwhelmed by sadness.  However, I was also in awe of Denise's ability to take Meagan's suffering and turn it into a life saving event for other children like her daughter.  No family should have to go through what this family and others like them have. 

Urbanmoms.ca is proud to support Meagan's Walk and the upcoming Meagan's Walk Dinner and Dance Gala on February 23rd at the Liberty Grand in Toronto.  For more information or tickets for the Gala or for information on a walk in your community, please visit www.meaganswalk.com.  If you would be interested in attending with a group from urbanmoms.ca, please email jen@urbanmoms.ca.

Meagan's Story

Little Meagan was a couple weeks from her 5th birthday when she drew a special picture for Mother's Day. Giving it to her mother she explained how the two people in the picture were mommy and daddy and the object above their heads was she, a little angel who would always be with them. It had been five months since her diagnosis of brain stem glioma, a cancerous brain tumour whose effects were terminal.

In the months she lived with cancer she was held by her mother's warm embrace each and every night. In the days, she managed to live life to its fullest, as naturally as a child with her disease could. She went to pre-school when she was well enough, she played happily with friends when she was strong enough and she cuddled every little living creature she could.

Meagan passed away quietly on June 17, 2001 with her family at her side. Never once did she complain about her treatments, rather she focused her time making and wrapping little presents to give to medical staff and friends. These gestures were her five-year old way of saying thank you for their love and caring, and perhaps even goodbye.

In the months that Meagan's family journeyed with their daughter's cancer, they were tremendously moved by the outpouring of caring and concern for their child. Cards, e-mails, telephone calls, flowers, presents, visits, healing masses, school ceremonies, candle vigils, community fundraisers, donations to The Hospital for Sick Children in her name - all these acts of goodness and kindness are testament to the lives Meagan touched from around the world. How remarkable it is that her death could give birth to her legacy, a legacy of hope for all children living with brain tumours.

Meagan's story is one of courage, spirit and hope.  Please visit www.meaganswalk.com for more information on how you can help.