Well, it has happened. I have had that moment. The moment that every mother knows is going to come. It creeps up on us when we least expect it and hits us over the head or, over the heart really. My six year old, sweet, empathetic little boy, my baby, my first, has moved on. He has begun his own life. Melodramatic? Likely, but I think you will relate.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like he got a job and an apartment or anything but it feels just as big. What has happened is that he now has a part of his life that is just his. A part of his life that he doesn't share with me, no matter how hard I try.
There was a time, not too long ago, where I was his best friend. I was the one he confided in, told secrets to, and cracked jokes with. We still do all of these things but it's different. I am Mom. Sometimes he shares his secrets, sometimes he doesn't. Most of the time his loyalty to his friends stops him from telling too much. This I admire but it also makes me sad. I guess in a way I took our relationship for granted. This was just the way it was.
I knew that it was starting when on the first day of grade one after spending the night before and that morning calming his nerves we arrived at school and, instead of my regular hug and kiss, I got a high-five. Kissing your mom was embarrassing.
I'm sure it gets easier...right? It is only because it is the beginning. I suddenly realize that I can't go back. And soon it will change again. Not only will I lose the public affection but our private cuddles will be limited too. I will become embarrassing and annoying. He will spend more time with his friends and I will be less and less a part of his life until, eventually, he is his own man.
This is what it is all about though so why am I upset? Because no matter how well prepared you are or how committed you are to raising an independent and confident child, it is hard to let go. I am so proud of my big boy and admire his new relationships and independence but, I will miss my baby.
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